Happy and Sad

I'm really happy to hear, on a Dr Who chatroom, that the episode, Smith and Jones, is off to a great start. Everyone loved it, and were in absolute awe of it.

It's sad too, for me, to have to be stuck here at home, alone, with this stinking bad foot, on a lovely spring day, and hear how happy other people are...selfish and petty of me, I'm sure, but...that's how I feel.

I thought going in the chat room, as I do nearly every late (well, late for UK time) evening on a Saturday, to chat with my fellow Whovians--and one of my best friends, as well---would cheer me--it just made me more depressed than ever.

I feel--and literally am--so absolutely alone...and hearing how happy and excited and upbeat everyone was, over the start of the 3rd series---just made me feel---empty. Of course, as usual, I faked it, and stayed positive while I was on there--but left rather quickly, as I was worried that my severe depression and crankiness (I'm getting too damn old for all these sprains and bruises and torn ligaments!) would carry over in my writing.

I feel partly, right now, like putting my fist through the wall, from sheer frustration, and partly like just curling up into a fetal position and crying--neither of which I'm doing--but doesn't stop me from feeling that way.

I wish I was in the UK==well for one, I'd be able to afford a doctor and my prescriptions, and I'd have some legal protection from my student loan shark (creditors). But also, I'd have people around me--America is a highly closed society--for people like me, at any rate. And, of course, I'd be surrounded by all things Doctor Who. It'd be great! I'd live and breathe Doctor Who--and horses--and theater. We're not big on theater here, either, nor are we a very literate society. I'm not putting down my country--okay, I am--but what can I say? It's the truth, unvarnished, plain and simple.

But gosh, from the moment I first saw it, in the early 80's, I just fell in love with Dr Who...oh, I wasn't one of those obsessed with every detail of the show--tho' I was, at one time, rather good with the trivia---but I just found it so exciting and new and fun and...well...just really, really fun to watch. And I'm not hugely into sci-fi, either. I mean, I loved Star Wars and Star Trek TNG wasn't half bad, and Quantum Leap was rather fun, sometimes, as well--but I dunno'....Doctor Who just has this..magic about it, doesn't it? Something that defies explaination...(yes I know that's misspelled, so I can't spell--I'm an American, none of us can)...anyhow, Dr Who is just...brilliant!

And to be shut off from it..just makes me so very sad. I hate being poor, I hate being manic-depressive, I hate my job, I hate my very life--but I will always love Doctor Who.
whovian whovian
46-50, F
Mar 31, 2007