Circling The Drain

At 26 I feel like I've gained something like perspective or at least the ability to perceive that the last 13 years of my life have not entirely belonged to me. I started reading fanfiction between twelve and thirteen years old. I read the stories posted by others in this group and I see myself. I -feel- for you. There were days, weeks, and if I'm really going to be honest, years where I ate, slept and breathed fanfiction. High school was wasted, college was gotten through, barely, and now my addiction simply is. I can't help but look at my life and where I should see experiences and relationships I see a void filled by the exploits of fictional characters. I have better memories of some charaters' coming of age than my own. I know what the mood swings and the desperation feel like. I know the joy of a fic-fix.

It helps to know that I'm not alone. I appreciate everyone's candidness in sharing. We are teenagers and mid-lifers. Overwhelmingly female, but not always. We are each other at different phases and I can't really pinpoint what got us here. I'm just going to say 'ditto' to the previously shared experiences. I've done cold turkey and I've tried bargaining with myself and so far it hasn't worked. My perspective has sharped and I've watched enough of my life circle the drain. I'm so beyond DONE with this and maybe that will be the difference. I don't want to want it anymore. I need to hold myself accountable. If anyone is interested in an accountability buddy feel free to let me know.

Finally...FINALLY I want to be free to live a full life (unpleasantness included) more than I want the sedation of fiction. Better late than never, eh?
eriivaa eriivaa
26-30, F
6 Responses Jun 25, 2012

Thanks for posting this -- your resolute determination in stopping the fanfiction addiction gives me encouragement and hope. It is such a difficult and seemingly impossible habit to break for me after all the years that it has given me all these false emotional fantasies... I am 24 and I have been reading fanfic since I was 12 or 13.

I'm 24 years old and need to give up fanfiction. I have looked back on my life and I have been incredibly antisocial.

Me too.I feel depressed about how Im ruining my life ,yet i still read fanfiction

Thanks for this post. I am 28 and have realized how much help I really need in kicking this obsession. Quitting cigarettes and smoking pot have been easier to stop than reading...

I am incredibly encouraged by your openness and honesty. I'm 24 and have been addicted to fanfiction for over 6 years. It's eating away my life and I'm so absolutely tired of it. Sick of the guilt, the hiding, the potential for it to ruin my future. I'd love to be an accountability partner if you're interested.

If you're interested, Fan Fiction Addicts Anonymous (FFAA) is a support group where you can discuss your struggles with fan fiction addiction. It could be a good place to talk - and a good start to recovery. =D<br />
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