I Really, Really Need To Stop

Ugh, I almost can't even remember when it started. Wait, check that, I DO remember; I just don't want to. I was a 2nd year in college, when I was doing a search for who-knows-what and stumbled across a fanfiction story. It was either in Charmed or Harry Potter -- I can't even remember anymore-- I must have found it amusing though, because I just kept reading, and reading, and reading.

Four years later and I'm still going strong. I jump from fandom to fandom looking for good stories. Once, I got so desperate to find something good to read that I started reading fanfiction for a fandom I hadn't even read the books for, and knew almost nothing about! Now, I sometimes just reread some of my favorites when I'm really jonesing for a hit; which is fun, but an utter waste of time.

It wasn't so bad at first. I would read in between classes, during study breaks, or over the weekend when I had nothing else to do. But it's gotten so that even when I'm exhausted I read fanfiction late into the night despite the fact that I have work the next morning and I have to get up at 6:30 AM! I recently read one story that the author said was over 1,000 pages in a Word document; it took me three days to finish. Thankfully, I am still able to resist the allure of fanfiction while I'm at work, but I don't think that's good enough.

I think that the only reason that I'm not constantly reading fanfiction is the embarrassment factor; I don't want anyone to know that I read that sort of thing. I really wish I didn't like fanfiction. It's really bad for me. It sucks my social life, my curiosity, my vocabulary, and my grammar. Since graduation from college, I know that my writing ability has taken a dip; primarily because I keep reading such bad literature, with poor spelling and even worse grammar. I want to focus on books that actually mean something and which make me think! But whenever I start one of those I can't concentrate on it properly; my mind is always drawn back to the last fanfic I read or the one I'm in the middle of, and I am invariably drawn back to my laptop where I have dozens of tabs open; all to fanfiction. net.

I know that I should try to stop cold turkey, but I can't seem to manage it even though I know I'm wasting away my brain and my life in front of the computer. I should be out doing things! Reading a little is fine, but I can't seem to just read a little. What I really want is to be at a point where I can read when I want, and stop when I want and I want to have the ability to read "real" books without my mind wandering back to fanfiction.
NarWaNour NarWaNour
22-25, F
4 Responses Feb 17, 2013

First, your life isn't BORING! I know you have a load to say in your 'other side' of you so just get a bunch of friends and show this new side! I mean it may come from a show or game but if it truly defines you better, just apply it to real life about your openness and emotions.

I understand exactly how you feel! These are some of the same problems that I experience with the ff from the dip in grades to the embarrassment factor! I had to really ask myself why I am so hooked on ff do you have any “triggers” that make you simply want to get on and read ff? For example I learned that my “trigger” is studying for a certain class or when I am alone. Find this out and try to replace it with something else, another person who has this same issue made a good point: “We have to take real life as it is even if it is boring sometimes.”

You should set a timer for 30 min, and read till the timer goes off. (That might suck the fun out of it.) But also after that, try to read a "real book", for 30 min or do something else that you'd like to do, but don't, because you'd rather be reading fanfic .See which half hour you get more accomplished with, and which one you feel better about yourself with.
So in an hour you can help curb your fanfiction addiction, along with getting some real things you want done.

Quitting cold turkey is hard, and has been ineffective for me. lol

I know exactly how you feel. Before fan fiction addiction I had a great social life but now all I do is worry about the characters in the new FF I'm reading. I find my self thinking about coming home to read while at school with my friends or doing anything else. I want to stop but its so hard. .