Girl Who Keeps Going Back To Fanfiction. :(

I seriously feel like I keep coming back to fanfiction, even though I continuously promise myself, "This will be my last time", I always end up succumbing to my inner temptation. Really it's like instant gratification. It's like I keep expecting to find something in fanfiction that will make me happy. And I do. But it's only temporary, and in the end it's not really worth it. But still it's the experience that just gets me. In life, I'm never going to be able to fulfill the fantasy and the exact moments, that happen in fanfiction. That's why I keep wanting to read, it's fiction; not likely to happen; too good to be true. See in real life, I'm not really in any relationships, that are that thrilling or that exciting. I'm hardly in a relationship with a boy, and I don't really know if we really connect or not, but at least I'm trying. But still I'm bored. I want a good love story. But what's worse is that I feel like I'm experiencing that love story through fanfic, even though its not real life. For me, a fandom is like one long lasting relationship that you always have with you.That is, until you move onto another fandom/fanfic relationship. Personally I've always been obsessed with one "couple" but then, I move on to a new couple that I find more compelling. After time, my feelings for what I had previously been obsessed with, became void, and I put all my effort and emotion into another "couple" which I became newly intrigued. (ugh it's almost like a real relationship.).
I feel like what ever you devote the most emotion too, that's the thing you need a "fix" of; when you get a feeling of loneliness, or such and such. It's just so disappointing because it's so much fun, (to an extent) to come up with a story that seems so perfect in you're mind, and to follow this story. But the truth is, you're never going to find a story that can compare, or beat real life. You're obsession and constant need to chase a false reality, will take so much time from you're real life, that ultimately you'll regret it. But you keep going, because of the thrill. That's my problem, I'll be doing a real good job abstaining from it, but then my life will be boring and I have some free time and think "why not?" "I can't help the urges, I have". "Isn't this natural?".... well "I' can't be perfect." ugh it's just so frustrating. It's like being horny and wanting to read about sex. (Which is probably what helps prompt it...) But anyway I just don't know how to loose my feelings for this "relationship" and what I get from reading fanfic. Even thought the affects aren't good, I don't know how to drop it. My will power feels stronger in so many things. And I used to be able to say "Hey I'll stop reading this, it's taking too much time out of my life." But then a random day comes along in the summer when I have nothing to do ( I should really think of something to do to fill these dull, needy moments) and I come by a new awesome ship I hadn't thought of before and boom, stuck. For about a year now, since last summer. I think the reason that once starting a fanfic it's is so much harder to stop reading, than a regular book is, is because in fanfic, you're chasing you're own desires. You're looking for a specific story that will help curb the needs of what you're looking for. In a normal book you're not sure what will happen and you're not expecting instant gratification in something, (if that makes sense)
Anyway I feel like blocking all these sites would be helpful. And I have this issue of being able to use the internet on the sly on my kindle. I pretend to read real books while actually reading fanfic. ( What a perfect cover. :p) Hopefully I can actually learn to block these sites on my kindle... if I ever get around to it. I feel like it will be so hard I will just give up, and say screw it, I'm gonna look for a story.

(Sorry this is so long guys) Food for thought?
rosepetalsgirl rosepetalsgirl
22-25, F
7 Responses Apr 2, 2013

I know what you mean. I started going cold turkey 3days ago and It's so hard.

Same here and I feel as though I'm falling apart without it. How are you doing now?

I'm actually doing a lot better. I havent read fanfiction for like 5 days now. I think what i keep doing is thinking "what is the world like without fanfiction?". And then i try to live out that vision. I think it helps wen i try to envision life the way it was before i discovered it. Right now i hope i can continue to live life without it and not keeping using fanfic as a clutch.

It's good to hear that. I feel as though I was so upset because I felt it was my only escape from reality and without it I felt empty but in al actuality there are other things better in life and I may be hurting or upset now but like you said I try to envision what the future holds. Than you.

Keep with it. I pretended fanfic stopped exisiting, which helped and therefore I was stuck with real books. I think its made me appreciate real books more. Or at least find something fun and that i can appreciate more (without constantly comparing it to fanfic since it 'doesnt exist' anymore. For some reason reading books is something I feel less guilty doing. To quit, I feel u have to rly want it. Youll take the pain of withdrawl because the feeling of living with it all ur life is just as painful. :3 ugh thts so mushy. But thts my life lol

Tht^ last coment was for @elliethedreamer, but yes np!

Keep with it. I pretended fanfic stopped exisiting, which helped and therefore I was stuck with real books. I think its made me appreciate real books more. Or at least find something fun and that i can appreciate more (without constantly comparing it to fanfic since it 'doesnt exist' anymore. For some reason reading books is something I feel less guilty doing. To quit, I feel u have to rly want it. Youll take the pain of withdrawl because the feeling of living with it all ur life is just as painful. :3 ugh thts so mushy. But thts my life lol

3 More Responses

Just find yourself and then get something to do. Problem with me: I have too many things I want to and I must do. Appreciate your life more.

Same, fanfiction fueled my sex and love addiction. Now I go to SLAA and have not read fanfiction for 11 weeks now. My life is now amazing!

Slaa.. what is that? Lol

Hey, we seem to have the same problem. I've been stuck in this "relationship" for two years already and I cannot see the day I will be able to abstain from it. I love fanfiction, as you said, fanfiction is better than a book because you read what you want, how you want, about who you want. you get the "fix" and the world is right again. I am a fanfiction addict, I know, but I still can't do anything about it, because I don't want to. I can even find a good side to this: 1. my vocabulary has improved immensely (english is not my native language), 2. I learn expressions and sayings that really interest me, 3. my writing also has improved (I am studying English language) and 4. my imagination is better than ever. I can sleep at night. When I was younger, I had a lot of trouble sleeping, but since I started creating stories in my mind, I find no trouble falling asleep. I have started doing this when I was 7 years old. when I tried falling asleep without thinking of some story (similar to fanfiction), I couldn't. I would try to fall asleep, but the only thing I would manage would be to mess up the sheets from turning over and crying from the effort to fall asleep. Fanfiction has saved my life in fact, without it, I think I would have gone insane by now. Do not be afraid of this drive to read fanfiction - with time it will lessen, you will find more important things that will occupy your time completely. The need to read "just one fanfiction" will always stay with you, just like for a real addict, but you will be able to live with it.
I don't know if this helped you, but what I wanted to say is - you're not alone in this. There are millions of fanfiction addicts that are just like you - sacrificing nights and sleep just to read a new story, to get the "fix", to live again.

Thanks so much! I just wish it didn't happen. but I suppose it gives me a real sense of respect to those with drinking problems, and addictions of that sort. for them just one, can turn into a really big deal, and possibly be life threatening, or cause huge health side effects.

I know my aunt quit cigarette,s but after just one "to celebrate" she became addicted again. it's really sad tht some things that ppl take for granted, can become addictions for other people.

Hi, It sounds really hard, I am sure it will get easier over time though - you just need to try and be strong (as easy as that is to say but not do!). I really love your story and I work on an MTV site, I wondered if we could feature it? (Could be anonymous if you wanted). Chris

yes, sure I wouldn't mind

and thank you! I just need will power lol

Thanks! Just sent you a message.

1 More Response

I understand, I feel the same way sometimes, which is why I had a problem trying to stop ff. We just have to take it one day at a time and accept life for what it is exciting at times and boring at others.

I understand completely. You feel the need to immerse yourself into the world of your favorite movie, TV show or novel, where the setting is more exciting. A world where magic occurs, like a fantasy fandom, or where there is a palace and a happily ever after, like a fairy tale. I feel that way and it seems so childish.

Real life is mundane, real people you love can annoy you, and so fandom can be such an escape. Your favorite fictional characters can be almost like imaginary friends you want to spend time with, and reading about passionate love stories between the characters is definitely fun! I have actually used it to spice up my own love life in my marriage. (I think that is why the book 50 Shades of Grey is so popular, but I am not interested in that so much.) But the problem for me is, it isn't fair to my husband that I am getting off on a "pairing" I have read instead of being just him and I, if you know what I mean? Believe me, if you are in a real life relationship it doesn't make the longing for romance go away. Especially if you have been with the same guy for 20 years.

Addiction to fanfiction is just like any other addiction I guess. It is probably better than alcohol, drugs, or having actual affairs, but it hurts real life relationships in that you stop being engaged with the people you love. What I hate about my addiction is that my children feel like I am not talking to them enough, because my nose is in my iPad so often. I try to only read/write/spend time in fandom when the kids are in school, asleep or don't need me but it's hard. My youngest watches too much TV.

You are young so you have time to pursue other passions and dreams. I guess balance is the word. It is fine to read stories now and then, it isn't that different from reading a novel, and it is good to support amateur authors who are only being paid in reviews. But it can't suck your whole life away. Fanfic is more likely to do that because once a book is finished, it is finished. But online fanfic sites have link after link after link, and you are compelled to spend hours and hours! We need to try to get off the screen and take a whole day to do something else. I am really trying to give myself a 2 hour a day limit, and an "only when kids are in school or asleep" limit.

I hope this helps.

yes, thanks that helps a lot =)

The one thing is guys, i feel like its still a sinful waste of time to do it, and at this point idk even know how to balance it/quit. Like i want to read a good book, or watch a movie with the family instead, but at the same time what i want is fanfiction, and its like a craving. and i give in to it because in the moment, its more appealing than doing what i should be doing which is reading tht good book or watching tht enlightening movie lol. And not to spew my religion on to anyone, but what ive read is that God thinks what we should be doing is "real, admirable, and pure". and to be honest, the book "the help" is more real, admirable and pure, than fanfic, and the movie "Argo" is based on something real, pure, and admirable. fanfic is simply not any of these things, and i guess thts why i feel so guilty inside : p

Don't feel guilty. I have exactly the same problem. I posted earlier say I have spent 3day going cold turkey and it is so difficult but everytime I get an urge I just think of the positives in my life and how what's in the Danica isn't really what I want. I think of the countless hours of misery and lost sleep and I think of how it distracts me from doing what I truly feel passionate about. I told my parents about my addiction and they're helping me get over it. It's not easy and although it's emotionally straining, I als feel kinda free now and that I can build relationships and my own life now without being sucked into a world which, when I really honk about it, isn't what I want. It helps to address the reason you started doing it; eradicate the root cause and lire your life. Do what makes you come alive. My dad said when he quit smoking, he got urges for a month . We just need to acknowledge that it exists but not cave into indulging in it because I don't know how you guys feel but it fled me dry for tears and when I told my family they said they'd noticed the change in me but never in a million tears did they expect me to Ge a fanfic addict. It's really hard ridding yourself of it, especially when it's so easy to click on it but just think of ow free you'll be if rid of it.