I am a fanfiction addict. I am 23 years old, and have been reading fanfiction for at least ten years.

I remember my first fanfiction: I was searching for comparisons for the difference between my favorite anime's japanese counter part and the dubbed version. there was one particular site i was visiting alot, and once i had caught up on the episode synopsis posts, i started exploring the rest of the guy's website. he had a handful of nc-17 rated stories, the first i read being some kind of horrifying nightmare that terrified me and intrigued me at the same time, kind of like watching a horror movie or a trainwreck. If I ever came across the story again, I would probably not choose to re-read it, but i remember it clearly enough. I've never approached a story like it again (it contained a few disturbing kinks that I, ugh.) Still, it led me to the discovery of fanfiction. within the year, I was writing and reading stories daily.

It wasn't always so bad. Yeah, for every piece of media I consumed, I would immediately afterward hop online and find out if there were any stories for the piece. It helped me find a vocation: I enjoyed writing, and began writing original stories as well as fanfiction, I learned to read other people's works for editing purposes and decided I want to become a book publisher. I enjoy other people's unpolished works and helping them make it better.

For a while, I consumed anything, especially if it had my favorite non-canonical couple. Even if the story made me want to claw my eyes out because the writing was so terrible, I would forge on and think of how I would make the story better or make the characters more in character. I hopped from fandom to fandom, and since most of my fandoms were small, fleeting things, I never really had a fandom homebase. unlike a lot of authors i admired, I didn't really make friends with other fanfic authors/readers, really. I didn't see myself getting too invested.

But I was.

Especially in times of stress or trauma, I would find myself reading more stories to soothe my soul. When my mom was in the hospital undergoing a life threatening emergency surgery, I wrote fanfic to escape my head and situation.

I would talk about it all the time, and sometimes, when I had friends to go out with and things to do, fanfiction went on the back burner, and I'd hop online eveyr once in a while. While it would be a lie to say I stopped reading totally, there was a long period where I was content to simply browse through a forum briefly and log off if there was nothing interesting to me. I didn't go to fanfiction.net for years. my livejournal became derelict because I wasn't going on it, and I'd go for days or weeks without seeking it out on the internet.

Then when I was in college, my best friend also was a fanfictioner. We started getting into the same fandom, and I fell in absolute love with this fandom. It was in it's prime: stories were coming in everyday, and then eventually, it taper off, and I was left bereft and hoping that one day I would find another fandom to be as obssessed over, but I also let it go. Actually, taht's probably a lie. I don't know, I never kept track of how much I was reading for real, although I do remember one time when we were doing abroad, my roommate and I were on our computers in the middle of the night doing "homework." and she found me with a bvrowser window full of tabs open to stories I was planning on reading. She closed it for me, and underneath was another browser window with a similar tab count. she'd bribe me with fanfiction to get my work done, and I'd do things like give fanfiction up for Lent, but you know, it was harder for me to quit than when I was quitting smoking.

for a while I was adrift. I'd occasionally (read, often, but maybe only a couple times a week, no more than a short story a day,) take a look at fandom pages I'd long left alone because I found uninteresting or reread a piece I'd liked before. And then I found a new fandom. One that is nine years old, thousands of stories of a pairing I like, a lot of them long and juicy romances that gave me a false feeling of happiness.

(It just so happened that I decided to enter this decade old fandom around the time that I graduated from college and started drifting, the time my 3-year long relationship started showing wear and tear.)

I've had it worse than evr these days, having a smart phone now. For weeks now, I realized: the first thing I do when I wake up is find a story to read. The last thing I go to sleep, is read a story. I waste so much time, finding the perfect story to read with the exact scenario and dynamic I'm looking for. and then if it is fulfilling, I want more of it. I'll read kinks i'm not even interseted in if it gives me more of a pairing or a feel that i like. if I'm sad, want a happy story. if i'm happy, I reward myself with reading a story. If I'm out of stories, I'll go find another pairing I don't even LIKE, okay, and I'll read a story.

My homework isn't getting done in time. I've been too busy reading fanfiction to do job applications. (Or rather, I'm putting off job applications by reading fanfiction.)

I've been telling myself I've been reading too much fanfiction for years. it's about time I do something about it.

Hi, I'm undergod. I am a fanfiction addict.
reundergod reundergod
2 Responses Jan 24, 2014

i realize this is an old post, but if you are still on this website I would love to chat a bit, as I have had a very similar experience with fanfiction for the last 10 years. it is of course sad but also comforting to see the rare post of another person with this problem who is actually taking it seriously...hope to talk soon. thanks!

Reading this was just...man. I really thought all the things you described was just something I was experiencing in silent torture. Even though this state of affairs sucks, it's nice to know I'm not alone. Thanks for sharing. And good luck quitting fanfiction.