I became addicted to reading fanfiction a couple years ago and cannot seem to find a desire strong enough to stop. I had a really hard time throughout middle and high school, I was seriously depressed and had a hard time participating in reality. I would wake up early to watch clips of my favorite tv programs or movies and spend my entire day wanting to go back to them.

When i discovered fanfiction it was like an entire world had opened up, the story lines never had to stop and could even take the turns I wanted them to.

Now that I'm trying to find my own life in college I struggle with trying to find some semblance of identity.... My aspirations depend on the story lines I am following... Once a particular obsession ends I am so lost and it takes and obscene amount of time and effort to get myself back on a healthy track.... Because of my grade school experience I never really thought of myself as an individual and tended to shut myself out of experiences in order to get through them. Fanfictions are a way for me to shut out reality and gain a level of happiness I never had the opportunity to experience.

Now I find myself longing to be happy by my own merit... and to accept who I am...as soon as i figure out who that is.
pipeandbook pipeandbook
22-25, F
Feb 10, 2014