Will I Be Fat Forever?

I've battled with self confidence my whole life. I have a lot of it but very low selfworth. My mom's a size 2-4... she can be great sometimes but she gave me weightloss books for my bday. Ugh. I went to a special doctor when I was 8 years old and he told me I'd be overweight my whole life. I can't let him be right.  I try so hard to diet and exercise but I always give up on myself. Even when I loose 10 lbs in only afew weeks something triggers my sadness and pizza or burger time! It's hard.  I've never been thin. My mom's "support" (or lack there of) only makes it worse.  It's not that I've ever had a problem with meeting guys or anything it's just how I feel about myself. My biggest problem is that I don't believe in myself. I do for a hot minute and it all fades. I want a flatter stomach and no fat under my chin.. I mean.. I can take a face pic and look average sized but it's starting. My goal weight is 165lbs, which is still overweight for my height (5'2) but I wouldn't mind being chubby or thick just no more being "fat" I hate it. I have no motivation in my life. I start off so good and it all falls apart within a month how can I fight the convience/urges to order a pizza after a long day? Or make my *** get up and go the gym on my day off... I have to lose the weight I just have to but why can't I get around this roadblock?? I see results! Its NOT hard.. it's almost like a part of me wants myself to fail.. I need to get this done!!! i'm young! I have the energy- just need the drive- why can't I be my own motivation? this is my struggle in life. I won't take in a boyfriend or lover til I can be all I need but somedays I just can't. I need strength I need will power. It's got to start. I don't want to go up an other pant size I'm an XL-XXL in wal mart leggings... but the XXL fall slide off sometimes.. but ugh. I want to be an L and loose the X's! I know I can do it... it's just that extra push I need sometimes. Haven't been to the gym in 5 days and ordered take out (mainly salad but not entirely) and had a box of KD .. like i put all this effort in and just sabotage it. Why can't I seem to get it why don't I get it .. I need help. but theonly person that can truely help me is: drum roll please........ ME. and that's all I want. 
DecemberLady DecemberLady
22-25, F
2 Responses May 6, 2012

Take small steps in the right direction and allow "cheat" room in your diet.

will hey if ur fat guys will like that and they will and like me i would like u be fat and i would date a girl that will be fat