Big Since Day One

So I was born a hefty 9 lbs 1 oz and I grew up to the full potential implied by such an ample beginning. I reached my final height by sixth grade and would have relished all 5'6" of me had I not also been just over 200 lbs at the time. Middle Schoolers are not kind and I suffered the many taunts and tortures of an overweight teen. I'm sure my overall strangeness didn't help...but I digress.In college I'd had enough, I declared war on the fat. Armed with a more than adequate understanding of nutrition and a zest for weight lifting and spinning I set about becoming skinny, lithe and sexy. Of course the oddest thing happened....nothing at least nothing of note. I toned up a bit and lost 40 lbs (by then i was a whopping 280 lbs) but it made no visible difference. I was still a short pear shaped ball of fat below the notice of anyone and proud of my mind but thouroughly ashamed of my body. I trained harder spent hours and hours in the gym added extraneous pe classes to my schedule and simply never crested my plateau. I gave up sugar and gave up meat and remained as rotund as ever. I turned 21 and had never had a boyfriend never felt attractive and had a generally low opinion of myself. It took two more years before I realized how absurd it all is. I was doing very well in school and led several student organizations and I'd come to terms with my body. It wasn't going to change and neither was I. I still wanted to be sexy but I had to learn to be big and sexy. I still eat oatmeal for breakfast and salad for lunch everyday but I do it cause I like oatmeal and salad not reach some phantom light at the end of the tunnel. For me being big since I was small was a lesson in acceptance (though I'll admit I still daydream sometimes about being smaller it's mostly because of my ongoing battle with the fashion industry.)
AnattheDestroyer AnattheDestroyer 31-35, F Jan 22, 2013

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