I am 5'2 and weighted 176 pounds during my last year of high school. Sure, my attitude towards it was fine, i stayed positive and just do or eat whatever i like as long as i was happy. But sometimes, i cant just ignore everything and reality starts to kick in.
I live in Asia, every girl i see or meet, they tend to have a very slender and thin body frame, which is always puts me under stress from all the stares and comments i get. However, i always try to stay positive, ignoring things they would say or how they judge. Being fat always have disadvantages, people judge you, giving you "those eyes", telling you about how or what you you live like, or even the simplest things like not being active enough, finding the right clothes to fit is hard too (living in Asia, it can be hell if you wanna find something fancy and suits you).
One day during my last year of high school, i weighted myself, facing up to everything, 80 kilos - 176 pounds.
After that, I didn't know how or what happened, but i wanted to change. I didn't force myself on eating the healthy choice or anything, i just cut down little bits of the portion i eat. I kept weighting and the pounds went down. I was so happy, it meant that i could do it, it gave me so much motivation...
After a few months of cutting down on carbs, just meat, veggies and 20 mins of exercise daily plus school hours, i managed to drop to 125 pounds, my BMI was at a "desirable weight".
Sure, lots of people were shocked and surprised at how i've changed but that puts me under pressure even more. I started weighting myself everyday, hoping that i wont gain weight, then it turned into weighting myself every time i had finished a meal, sometimes i would skip meals as well. It had such a huge impact that i can never be happy as i was before, always stressed and scared of gaining weight.
After that, i stopped all my diet. I gained to 143 pounds and that's as far as i would let it.
You see, my life now is miserable, i cant stop thinking about food and how it will affect my weight, i want to lost all that weight and return to my lightest - 125 pounds. But now i'm struggling very bad. I fulfilled my parents by getting into university, losing all that weight and fit all the clothes my mom would buy. But I, myself think that this obsession with losing weight is just horrible. I am always occupied with the thought of people judging me about gaining weight back, always thinking about how i can shed those extra weights as fast as i can.
I was a fat girl. But i wish that I AM A FAT GIRL... because when i was the fat girl i had been back then, at least i was happy. Now everything is just a mess and its just stressful!
VelvetLace VelvetLace
18-21, F
3 Responses Aug 20, 2014

So you're 125lbs now? That's not fat young lady. If being fat is what makes you happy then go for what makes you feel happy. YOLO....x

Actually its 143 pounds now.....Back then i was 125Ibs v_v

Ok but you're still not fat. You should gorge yourself...xxxx
I want you to be 20lbs by this time next year...that's an order! Lol

Do what your heart desires...... If you felt happier being fat then I would personally say get fat again... I mean it's like comparing happiness and judgements.... What's more important? What other people think? Or what makes you happy? Plus, everybodies unique in their own way. You being fat kinda made you unique to your country, especially since most women there are slender and slim.

But, in the end of the day it's your choice.... to choose whether your happiness is more important or if other peoples' opinions are more important....

Maybe you should visit a therapist to help you with the obsession! And i don't think that the weight loss itself made you obsessed, but the last year of high school.
Good luck!!