Fatalist Me

What ever I do in my life. I always think it will go bad or wrong in some way. Sometimes if things go well I am almost dissapointed. I plan like a military general how I will cope with daily failings. I shore up my defences for the bitter blows that I expect to come and it's here inside my cosy battlements I feel safe.

I wonder why its easier to live with fear than hope. I guess because really we know life is immensely hard and difficult and that there are more knock backs than victories. Hope means we have to deal with setbacks and constantly re evaluate our thinking on a situation. Being a fatalist has its own morbid sense of comfort. It is constant and never dissapoints. It is the highway and not the bumpy road. The carousel and not the big dipper. It is calm...but it is also a sad way to live!!!

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2 Responses Feb 22, 2009

I'm afraid I share the same problem. At it's essence, "Life is hard and then you die." I have to try daily to be optimistic, see the glass half full, etc. But always in my gut I feel like I know how things are going to turn out. Sometimes I am joyfully surprised when they do turn out fine (something happened like that today for me). <br />
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I mostly keep it to myself because nobody really wants to hear that, including myself. Also, despite our feelings it is essential to have a mostly positive outlook because things are not preordained. I can relate to your comment about not wanting the mental gymnastics and will remember that LOL. That's all I can see that we can do though. I guess some of us were meant to be gymnasts!<br />
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I've always thought that there aren't more knock backs than victories as much as negative events effect us deeper and for a longer time. One only has to look at the classic toast falling butter side down. It only happens half the time of course yet we seem to remember and focus on those time. I used to have a boss that said no customer ever calls you to tell you that things are going right. It's so true. I like to look at it the other way. Inside every negative event there is almost always something positive. A learning experience.....something I could change for next time.