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Why Is It So Important For A Father To Be In His Daughter's Life?

THIS QUESTION WAS ASKED OF ME BY A YOUNG WOMAN:
Why is it so important for a father to be in his daughter's life?

After standing there for a few minutes with my jaw hanging down, I finally answered:

This question just blows me away. Seriously. You don't know?

I don't know the relationship you have with your father. I do know the one I have with my daughter, however. I know why I am the way I am, and why I do things the way I do them. So, again, I can't speak for all dads, just me.

1. My daughter is the first girl born in my family line in 64 years. No, that's not a typo. 64 years. To say she is treasured beyond all measure is an understatement, considering that in my family, you only get ONE daughter per generation, and usually the first born. So, yeah. Nothing will come between me and her, unless it wants to suffer pain with extreme prejudice. Try to harm her, and pain will be the least of your worries. That's not a promise. It's a guarantee.

2. I am her Knight and her Protector. I am the Shield between her and a cruel world that doesn't care about her welfare and well being, until such a time that she can do it on her own, with or without my having her back.

3. I am her Teacher. I am her Mentor. I must impart to her all the skills I have, so that she may survive and thrive, flourishing in a world that will one day not have me there anymore, because eventually-- we all die.

4. I am the Example. I am the Template. I am what she will consider "normal" for a husband and a future father to be, and what she will seek for companionship when she is looking for a mate, and as such, I must be the kind of man that I would want my daughter to be with, one who will love her with all of his heart and soul, and give themselves completely to her.

5. I am her Truth. I am her Rock. I never lie to her. I keep my morals and my ideals constant, a solid foundation upon which she may build her own. I live by my word, and by my deeds, one and the same. She knows that I am consistent, and she can count on it, no matter what.

I could go on, but that's the basics. I don't know why it's important for anyone else, but I know why it is for me.

It's because she so important to me.
GwydionFrost GwydionFrost 46-50, M 25 Responses Oct 19, 2012

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That is quite alright my friend, quite alright! You are the example these young men need as well. I'm glad I have a dad that's like you, and although hes not always perfect, he tries his best for his daughters, so it's nice to know someone else has a awesome dad! Thanks for sharing <3

Her mom just shared with me that in my daughter's eyes, she's made it quite clear to my ex-wife that I am not only the smartest person she knows, but I can do no wrong, apparently. Which, of course, bugs my ex to no end. ;)

Lol!

Well said, I feel the exact same way.

I try to be these things for my daughter so eventually she will know what to look for in a husband as well, and I also do these things for my son so he will know how to treat his wife when he finds her. Being a father is such a crucial role in today's society and it saddens me when I hear of someone abandoning their role (either father or mother) and leaving it to the other spouse to raise them alone.

My children mean the world to me, and they know it. They also know that ever since my ex divorced from me she's done nothing but move them farther and farther away from me, making it harder to see them. Right now she lives about 5 hours from me and I can only see them once a month. However, no mater what the circumstances have been I've always been there when I've been allowed to see them and they know I love them.

Thanks for sharing this.

What kills me is folks who insist on trying to separate obviously involved and invested parents from their children. Why would you do that to a child...?

In my ex's case, she cares more about what she wants than anything else, and she will also place more value in what she perceives and disregard reality if it doesn't fit her perception.

What gets me is why she misled them while we were going through the divorce. Some of the wording she used would hint to a (then 7 and 5 yrs old) child that it was possible for their parents to get back together. In reality it was not and from the beginning I was completely honest with them (on their level of course). So when the divorce happened they saw that I was more trustworthy than their mom and to this day while I know they do love their mom (and I've never told them to not love her) they still trust me more than her and have told me several times that they would rather live with me even though I can't give them all the things their mom can. Heck, my daughter told me that she didn't believe her mom when she said that I wasn't always right, and my son said something similar but I can' t think of it at moment.

We'll see what happens though, but no matter what, I'm always going to love my kids and be there when I can.

As a Dad to 2 wonderful girls, (age 26 & 24 now) I've always had a special bond with them. God help the Man who hurts them or abuses them.
And yes, I always *Have their back* .....to protect them from harm. Great story, DAD

This is just so beautiful x x x
As you know I feel the same about my son.
The only boy in 10 girls in my (soon to be ex) husband's family.
I wish I had a father like you...
Hug her for me and tell her she has no idea how lucky she is.
ML

I don't have to. YOU told her, yourself, when I read this to her.

I am in tears, trying to imagine what it would be like to have a father like that. Thank you.

When I originally wrote this, I had no idea that I was more the exception than the rule. In my mind, I cannot fathom why anyone would think any less. And my offer still stands-- if you need someone to talk to, to help you figure it out, and maybe find a way to bridge that gap between you and your father, I will take that journey with you.

Thank you.

You seem like I wonderful father. My father always put me down though and said horrible things to my mother. He is so cold and angry, the most difficult person to get a long with. I'm getting to the age I don't need him in my life anymore and he could have left anytime before because he's a bad guy and I don't need him. But that's just personal. You on the other hand are a good dad, but that's why I personally don't need him in my life.

Somehow, I knew that about you, Vann. And I am sorry he wasn't there for you or your mother in the way he was supposed to be... some folks just aren't ready for life when it happens, and they take it out on those closest to them.

It's okay. I don't need him so it's fine and thank you.

just...speechless,could anyone pass down the tissues...
your daughter must be a blessed soul to have you as her father :)

No less blessed than I am to have her.

aww....well i had almost guessed you would say that...what stands out the most to me is how open you are about loving her very existence,most fathers are too caught up in themselves to expressing anything of that sort

Since their conception, every decision and action has been framed by the question, "Is this in the best interest of the needs of my child?"

you are an amazing father and your daughter is really lucky to have a father like you.......i just wanted to thank you for your comment and sharing this post with me.but still i dont get it,if all fathers naturally love their daughters then why some fathers are so unkind,that they dont even want show any feelings to their daughters .....not even..a hug............
im not really in a good mood now and sorry if i seemed a little weird.thanks again~

I can't speak for them. I have no idea. I can't even conceive of the mindset that would create such a person, or their actions. The only thing I can possibly come up with is that they didn't want the child to begin with... maybe even any children, much less a daughter. It is a social mindset that men are supposed to want boys, someone to carry on the family name... but in this day and age...? That's just outdated and outmoded thinking.

Oh, and Scheherazade...? If you need someone to talk to, I will gladly listen. Any time. Virtual shoulder available upon request, too.

Yes! I don't have a daughter, but I am shocked, really, that anyone would wonder how she could flourish without such a father! I feel the same toward my sons... you wrote it perfectly.

100/100
*Bows*

I loved your story. I wish this for my daughters. Their Father make some very bad mistakes and is now trying to undo what was done. But it's extremely hard and it takes time. He doesn't understand that it will take as long as it takes for trust to be earned again.

I have found, even when I have made mistakes myself, that just continuing on, doing the RIGHT things...? Makes all the difference in the world.

Such wisdom is rare on this planet, these fundamental truths are a cornerstone of a healthy family. This post of yours should be pamphletized and given to new or prospective fathers. I didn't come from the emotionally healthiest family, and my dad's love was sometimes hard to see, overshadowed by his frustration with his circumstances. However, now, as a daughter who is now 50 and whose father passed away, in 2009 I realize that the only person on this planet who ever really knew ME and loved me and understood who I was, was my dad. I wish I'd treasured it more when he was alive. Miss you love you dad.

You know, every time I read your response, I get choked up. Reason being...? My 8 year old daughter has made it quite clear to me, and has repeatedly told me-- "Dad, you are the only person who understands me." That you feel this way about your dad as well tells me that he KNEW this, even if you never told him so. I promise.

U r worth my respect, I salute u

Well said, GwydionFrost. I like your approach to fatherhood for your daughter.

That's beautiful, really. If more people showed such love perhaps this world wouldn't be as effed up as it is.
My father doesn't speak to me, even though we live in the same house. I can't imagine him even thinking such things about me.

You know, if there was one thing I could do, it would be to enter into every household and sit parents down with their kids, and get them to actually EXPRESS themselves to each other. If parents just remembered that children love them unconditionally, and children could figure out how the parent is demonstrating their love...? I think there would be a lot more understanding. I would demand that PRIDE get left at the door. Maybe, and I don't know the specifics of your situation, but... have you told him what he means/meant to you? And what you need from him?

We never had a very elaborate relationship, really; my father is very stoic and reserved in nature. I think he only ever expresses his emotions in private to my mother or when he gets really angry. I always had the idea he loved me, or at least liked me though. After getting diagnosed though... he holds a grudge. He holds a grudge for all the pain and trouble I caused the family, and because I made my mother unhappy. He may be a stoic person, but he loves my mother above all (quite a feat, given her character...) He expresses his anger and resentment towards me with glaring, huffing noises, blatantly ignoring me, talking about me as if I'm not there, leaving rooms when I enter them, and most of all avoiding to ever having to say a word to me. In all honesty, I don't really know what he means to me anymore. He never was a very important factor in my life, but all the same it was a comforting presence, the knowledge he was there if I needed him. Now I'm not sure about it anymore.

Wow. First, thanks for sharing that. That was a lot to put out there, and I am grateful that you did. Is mom still around...?

Yeah, she is. I'm always surprised that two characters like my parents can live together in such relative peace... they only ever argue over the messiness of the garage xD

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I commend your commitment and applied love for your daughter. I am a "throw-away" daughter in my family. The only one in 4 kids. It scarred me until this day. I was never important enough to receive anything but criticism & guilt from my father. I have tried to make myself aware of this over the years and am dealing with it pretty well now...but that can't be said for the mistakes I made early on in life. When you don't think you are worth much you accept alot less from a man. Any attention seems amazing, even abusive attention. I am glad there are men out there who love their daughters so much and are willing to show it...and live it.

What I find incredible is that taking a two minute survey over your profile, you seem like an amazing human being-- so, somehow, despite being the "throw away", you somehow managed to go beyond that. I wish your dad knew what he meant to you, and what he squandered.

It took a long time and many mistakes to be where I am today. My mom died when I was 23 and my dad died when I was 39....both suddenly. I have been at it on my own since hashing all this out and I just lost my oldest brother 5 months ago...suddenly. I cannot wallow in pain and sorrow, it will not bring any of them back for me to love or say sorry. So I go on because they were in my life....I take the good to make me a better, whole being. Again, knowing there are fathers like you gives hope &amp; happiness to people like me.

I would only add one thing and this is just from my own experience: a daughter's father can not ever be replaced by any man. For better or for worse, a daughter needs her own father, the man who created her. I've seen many of my peers parade in front of their daughters other men they deemed "better" than the child's father. A thousand people are going to 'dislike' this comment and point out the numbers of men who are abusive; I'm not talking about that issue. I'm talking about men like you, who recognize the connection to your daughter and the necessity of your active presence in her life.

Incredibly well-written. And, I don't think it goes weak there in the end.

Wow. Just. Wow. You have no idea just how applicable this is, with my ex. Thank you, I will not be one of the ones who dislike you for this, because you know... regardless of whatever the parents do, the children will understand, sooner or later, which parent is shooting from the hip, and which isn't.

I was told by a priest many years ago that with children, the proof was in the pudding. Actually, his statement was more about the health of the tree and the fruit it produced but his took too long to recant. The truth can't be hidden from children. For better or for worse, they always know inside even if they can't explain what they know.

"they always know inside even if they can't explain what they know." Although there was much anger and fighting in my house growing up due to issues between my mom and dad, I always knew 'inside' as you say, that I was and am loved. This whole discussion is very positive and wonderful. Thank you. My only regret is that I did not take the opportunity to have meaningful conversations with my father. I wish I'd really let him know how important he is / or rather was, now / to me. I hope there is a heaven as I would like to say this to him one day.

You just did. When we die, we don't dissipate into nothingness. Whatever you believe, as much as you knew you were loved, your father also knew you loved him. Sure, we do need to say these things to each other in the living presence of now. When words can not be spoken, what's true is whispered.

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all the above applies to your son's also

Yes and no. Dad-son relationships are slightly different. I was going to write one of those too, because... see, the Dad-son relationship also brings the family NAME into play. They are the Guardians of the good name, and MUST be taught this.

please do write it, i would be very interested in reading it

wish you could share what a father is to more men.

If it helps, I posted this to my blog, and submitted it as an article to a website.

This is one of those few rare times where, honestly, I feel this needs a second going over. The majority of it holds, but the ending is weak, compared to the strength I feel when it comes to my kids. So, I hate to say it, but I feel a SECOND DRAFT coming on... and shore up that weak finish.

good don't regret it, go for it and please let me know. i copied it and sent it to my son who is a father to 3. 2 boy and 1 girl. young parents do not get they are the templates to everything

****** <3

That's beautiful man

its really important a father has postive part in his daughters life so she does not go around and get with random strangers because she has "daddy issues"

A great deal of a young girl's self-image comes from her father. If you speak to her as an intelligent person, she responds with intelligence; if you look at her and see beauty, she feels beautiful. It is a remarkable dynamic.

Your daughter must be so proud :P

She turns 8 next month. I don't know if pride is even part of the equation with her just yet. ;)

Lol thats adorable. Well when she does grows up then:P Like another 20 years she'd go "My dad's awesome" so Good luck! lol

Thanks. As pretty as she is, I'm gonna need all the luck I can get. And a bigger shotgun. ;) See, there's an important rule I didn't mention which applies to ALL of the kids. My dad... well, let's just say his wasn't the best relationship I'd advise having with kids. See, I remember my dad as the "angry bitter man". So, I remind myself often of this-- and ask myself who I want them to remember ME as. This doesn't mean that I want to be their friend instead of their parent, because my daughter came up to me and insisted that I was her friend, and I adamantly refused-- telling her, no way was I her friend-- Friends will come and go. Friends will betray you, and disappoint you. Friends may not be there when you need them most. Friends may tell you what you want to hear instead of what you need to know. I was something far better than her friend. I was her FATHER. I would ALWAYS be there for her, and NOTHING could ever change that.

Now, I want to call my dad.

Hi Gwydionfrost, a father is very important as you said, because it's a girl's first role model for a man. If he gets it right, so does she.