My Daughter

My daughter and I have been very close since she was first born. She's going into her teens and we are still very close. We do a lot of activities together--music, sports, etc., and we learn a lot from each other.

In a few years she'll be leaving home. I'm very afraid of this. After she leaves, I feel I will be completely alone.

ren ren
51-55, M
9 Responses May 24, 2007

I had 5 torn away from me.

If you have always been close to your daughter, you will always remain close to your daughter. You will grow in a whole new way, you will see her successes and those successes are a result of what she gained from her parents. Our children grow, just like we did, and as parents all we can do is supply them with a great foundation to ba<x>se a great life upon. Always keep the doors open for her to return at any time, always have the time to chat, always be there when she needs a hand, but let her grow to be her own awesome self.<br />
It stings at first to let them go, and their failures will really hurt you, but remember, they are learning. They will always learn, just as we will.<br />
I have watched one daughter go, and have a second daughter with one foot in the door and one foot out. Then it's empty nest for me.

I too dreaded my daughter leaving home. We were very close, perhaps because of the relatively small age difference - she left home at 19 when I was still in my 30's. In many ways we were closer than I was with her mother. She told me everything- like when she first went with a guy, all that sort of thing, which really is good because you don't have to worry what she's up to. When she went it left a very big hole in my life. But you know what? The hole closed up pretty quick. I got used to doing things by myself and with my wife. If you are still with your wife, maybe things haven't been so good for a while, if there is some distance and you dread loneliness. But it can then be a chance to get things going with your wife again. You can have sex when and where you want, without worrying about others at home, like you used to 20 years before. If you are on your own, it gives you the opportunity to find another woman and bring her home without worrying about daughter.<br />
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Now when my daughter visits it's great, we'll have a hug and a kiss and a chat but after a few days I start wishing for peace and quiet again, much as I do love her.<br />
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We're still very close and I love the relationship just the way it is. The next thing I'll be dreading is when I have to give her away to another man. But I'll also be a very proud dad that day.<br />
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Things move on. Don't dread her departure, your relationship will instead move on and in some ways for the better as you can watch her grow up, gain in maturity and independence, yet still remain very close even when you don't see her every day.

You won't be alone-your daughter will still be there--just at a different level. I just went away with my children (my son got married) for the first time since 2001--and it was wonderful---I like you lived in a very empty emotionless, passionless marriage for many years--it's over now and life is good--<br />
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You will fill your life with other "things" in my case a part time job that I love--work 62.5 hours per week and love the jobs that I have--they fill that void--for now.

There's a certain sadness about the situation, but you'll be surprised that there's also some positives. I don't doubt that missing your daughter will be tough, but they do need to fly their own paths, you know.<br />
I felt this same way, being very close to my own daughter. Butterfly4 is right, this is a growth time for you as well. Think of all the things we had to put on pause for our children - they are soooo worth it, definitely! But this is the time to reclaim some of our "me" time - all the books that you've wanted to read, classes you've been meaning to take, hanging out time with friends, hobbies, decorating your own way, eating (or not!) what you want when you want.<br />
It's another inevitable phase of life. Any which way it goes will only add to your daughter's maturity. We had to do it when we were their age and we survived and thrived. So will they. So will we.

You are very lucky to have such a close relationship with your daughter. I am happy for you. Because of that close relationship, I have no doubt that she will be visiting with you constantly, in one form or another when she leaves home. Don't forget that you're still her good old reliable dad, and she has trusted you for a long, long time. Letting her go might feel like you're losing her, but really, you're not saying goodbye. It's just "Bye for now". :)

Dad, my heart goes out to you. If you have not in place , slowly readjust. Nothing will replace your little princess but slowly you will adjust. You will also discover some new things about yourself for yoursef again. But try not to worry too much. I know easier said then done. I have a little princess , and I am dreading the day it is my turn.<br />
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Smile.... and say my Miracle!

I have no experience in the matter of raising daughters, but have been thinking about letting go of someone a lot lately. I find that focusing on how proud I am of them, and how much I am in love with the possibilities and hopes of them doing great things. It's a much better thing to think about than your own worry. And the next thing to do would be to make sure that your life is a place that she can always come back to. It does sound like what would really help you is a strong group of male friends though. The value of the bonds of masculine friendship can not be underestimated, because of their consistency despite whatever might be going on.

There's no question about what you say. She has no idea of my worry. I'll be very happy for her to take flight.<br />
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This is about me, not her.