It's A Problem....not A Blessing

Addiction is not a fun experience. And, if it occurs around something that can be healthy and pleasurable (food, sex, exercise), it is easier to fool oneself that it is less toxic then drug/alcohol addictions.

But, addiction is just the mind being dictated to manage anxiety or physical need with the addictive process. It is out of control. It rules. It is a trap.

I have done work around this issue in the past year. It has tamped down a bit (I just went through a difficult breakup with a man I though I might have a future with...so that has squashed my sex drive).

I realize my addictions go past sex into relationship addictions. Fear of being alone.

So, now I am alone and I am bit lost for the moment given that I built in my head my future with this other person. Structured my future around what we would do together, and fell into the same trap I always do.

I pick up my boyfriend's interests and drop them when they aren't around. I rely on others for structure, so when a relationship ends, my structure just dissolves. The connection and the want for the relationship to continue is the carrot, not my real desire to participate in any of these things.

I do have hobbies I have kept along the way, so it hasn't been a total loss. I am a photographer, and I enjoy getting out in nature. I do like to hike the woods. I like to cook and garden and dance. I love to pick and buy from estate sales and junk shops. But, right now, I just want to sleep the winter away.

Too bad about your breakup. I'm with you sometimes; sleep the winter away.
Especially if you have a good wood stove with tons of cut wood ready to go. And in a quiet peaceful place close to nature. Let it snow me in. Won't have the energy to even get out and go snowboarding; at least not more than thirty times or so during the season. (That's my male enjoyment side.) I also am turned off being pursuer; I also hate pursuit; a total turnoff. Although being the male gives it a bit of twist for me. Take right now for instance; I have the best set-up a male could want; beautiful place, close to nature, loving animals, people; no real worries, not any more than the rest of the world. But here I am getting the "call of the wild", as it were. I'm ready to dress up real pretty and head out to Joja, swingin' my hips in that tank top, mini skirt and heels-all dolled up; nice cute hair, made up to a tee; getting whistles; hot to trot; get stuffed! Stuff me every which way! ha Stuff it way in. Stuff it everywhere! (oow, raunchy). And just the idea of living as a female is a turn on. That's the submissive, **** (in my case) that is strong in a sexual state; the young lesbian. My **** addiction is as strong as ever but I can almost (almost) say that I'm getting bored with it; liar! I've seen every **** genre and scenario one could imagine and the last few years ***** has become amazing; especially the domination-submission real "enjoyment stuff" (that's what makes ***** for me; the real thing; not acted; enjoyed for real by all parties; that's hot! Anyway, I digress. I am interested in the significance of the pursuit and pursued; I find it interesting but can't quite pin point it; I know it's a big turn-on in the ***** for me; especially when I can be the sissy-**** tranny--as sexy as can be. Anyway back to the point if there is one. I'm in a sexless, intimacyless, loving of sorts, a lot of love really, between two people who have each rescued each other from a fatal storm way out in sea, from nearly zero odds, marriage. Gave each other the time and love to make it out into some blue skies sometimes. Beautiful life but without sex and intimacy it seems like something is missing. Life can get very--dull. Flat. Silly really. And yes relationships are a major thing in all this. I can understand fear of being alone and feeling the need for structure from another for example. Motivation for me. I wouldn't do a damn thing except probably jo all day and night if it wasn't for her creating a world. Also right regarding male sex egos; satisfying woman is number one; if he can't do it--that's tough. yeah. I'd say you and I would be a perfect match, except "the need to be pursued" by both of us, what would we do? We'd both be sitting on our respective couches in the living room fully clothed for maybe over fifty years? (To death do us part.) Would you ever put on that strap-on? And use it with abandon? Would I ever say, "You been making my **** hard all day and I'm about to throw you on the bed, rip off your clothes and tamp you down hard girl!" My fantasies want me to find someone like you in desire but who likes lesbian sissy **** trannies (rather than normal hetero guys who actually have a life.) She'd be so satisfied by my incessant kissing and licking, etc. that she'd be real satisfied always. Whether I'm in a push-up bra with stockings and a lace garter or But, naked. Sex. Sex. Sex. :)
I enjoyed reading your post and getting your 'timeline' and your views. Enjoy your writing. Very clear to me; entertaining.
Peace.

I am sure there is a match out there for you somewhere. My sister has a couple's and sex therapy practice and from some of the anonymous stories I have heard, I know there are people who practice that lifestyle with abandon. Tough to find straight females who desire a man as a woman or lesbian females who want to be with a man as woman. So, it must be quite the dilemma.

My problem is a bit the opposite. I can easily find men who would sleep with me. In fact, I have come to discover that there is a new cougar rage going through the ranks of young men, and I have been surprised at the propositions by the men in their twenties.

But, I do not like casual sex. So while there is a ready supply of willing participants, I won't have sex unless it is in a meaningful relationship.

Perfect!

As I said, right now my sex drive is running low and that suits me very well. I am dreading Spring when it will wake up, but until that time.....I am going to continue to just rest and recover.

Good luck!

I must have been pretty horny yesterday by the looks of that post; and I'm probably not much less so now:)
But truly my dilemma is how to either get the woman I've been living with and committed to with everything for a long time back on the same sexual & intimacy level I need OR I need to make a break, no matter how painful OR I don't have to do anything. Just keep the status-quo. But that doesn't seem doable for too much longer. I'm too damn frustrated with all this, But hasn't been sex for many many moons; we mostly sleep in separate bedrooms in different wings of the house. We work and live together; mostly just me and her and some creature friends. I showed up on her doorstep one night dressed-up to the hilt! About as close to passable as I've ever come--back in those days when I pretty damn cute in a leggy model way; curvy and smooth as silk. Toyed with that lifestyle basically twice and gave it up both times for 'straight-laced' married style. Unfortunately, my real desire with that lifestyle is only only around sex. Otherwise I could basically care less; minus the sexual component (which also unfortunately seems to be a tremendous part of where I direct my attentions) I am pretty content with being a 'guy', I think. But here I am in the second marriage of my two. And it has gone to one of only very sporadic intimacy and understanding; but the lack of emotional & physical intimacy is something I'm missing and I seem to be acutely aware of its lack. I think that's why I'm needing to jo all the time practically. Everything else is somewhat lackluster and maybe a chore or something. They say it's natural to desire & need? sex? At this point I don't even know:) On the one hand I wish it would go away; but on the other I feel strong and healthy and I'm not doing much of any other exercise right now, if ya know what I mean?
I think I'm craving it. She also can not be a pursuer. She needs to be pursued most definitely. I always used to do it or at least try to, but alas it has dwindled down to me not being able to say anything or suggest anything about having sex. And she apparently can't either. We greatly differ in what I've interestedly read on here: our libidos. Hers very minor; she does not get that high from the experience; she will O but feels out of sorts almost immediately afterwards; cited a ton of physical reasons but no effort to do anything about it. I don't need to go on. And I Don't blame her. I picked her as someone who would keep a lid on my insatiable appetite. It was good for survival. We have saved each others' lives several times over at least. She's opened my eyes, heart; given me time to mend. "A drunkard's dream if I ever did see one".
So here I am, hopefully not another night with the 'lube' & 'tube' :) If I could only get interested in something enough to over power the sexual energy or equal it at least, then I could go do that. I have so many opportunites and things that I am potentially interested in doing that I could do at night or whenever. But they don't seem to equal the pull of energy and sweet relief that the other does.
I probably just need some good plain old fashion hetero sex; the kind I used to do when a young man, but has now gone so by the wayside. Plus there is the sticky (sorry for the unintentional pun--there's no way I can erase this now) situation of how bi am I? Exactly? I think it's pretty much down to the thing between the legs; that doesn't leave a lot for a deep and deepening relationship. Does it? I really don't know how badly I'd be jonesing for heels and a couple of hard, throbbing, slightly dripping .........
If I were to "make love" as it were with a woman I don't have a clue.
Guess it depends somewhat on who. I can see your feelings about not being into casual sex. Meaningful relationship is what underpins it. Otherwise it doesn't have much meaning and quickly becomes dull & boring. I feel that. To have both a hot sex life & meaningful satisfying relationship with your partner would be the ultimate high!
I think so. Anyway, interesting you mention about spring time. I go "bananas crazy" sexually as spring approaches and by early summer I'm a maniac; all dressed up and nowhere to go :) (At least in my fantasies:) But definitely notice it coming on strong for me then. (Of course there is summer winter and fall as well.)
Bye

Thank you. I also find outlets in art.

It is funny, but I wrote this post during ovulation. And, I realized that is the really the only time it becomes so ridiculously pronounced. The rest of the time, I am pretty well matched desire-wise with my partner. I wouldn't trade our love life for anything. I have just found, as a whole, it is no great shakes to be a high desire woman. The fantasy doesn't match the reality for men, at least that has been my experience.

I think the missing component based on what I read is “HOW” you make your man feel. I believe with enough deisre, love, patience and communication any problem can be dealt with between people. If you both go in eyes wide open knowing he will not be able to keep up with your drive then you can formulate a plan. No man can keep up with an sexually insatiable woman, its physiologically impossible. If you pass on your feeling of sexual frustration and exasperation then your man will begin tofeel inadequate. However, if you build him up make him feel like when you are together that stuff is off the chain and he brings the noise, that you are completely satisfied then he will be able to understand I got this woman who doesn’t rev down and no one man can keep up. Men LOVE IT when their woman initiates if it is always sexy and it says I WANT YOU I find you a turn on. Not come here and see if you can satisfy me again. You can MAKE initiation great, sexy, hot, or burdensome. If your husnand feels like he is walking into another audition then he will stop initiating. You two love each other.. you CAN do THIS it will take a plan of action lots of building one another up and FUN

We do talk openly. And, he is more then empathetic and loving, he honors my sexuality and gives all he has....no woman could ask for more. But, in return I must respect his needs and drive and I am more then happy to do so. Given my hyperactive drive, I will be frustrated from time to time just by the nature of the beast. As he is completely reasonable in frequency (i

.e a lot), I am going to respect the situation. (comment continued, see prior post).

From prior experience, I know pushing for more is a turnoff and counterproductive and not at all loving to him, as he is completely being fair, giving, and loving. And, he has many draws on his energy and I totally respect he needs to feed himself in these other ways. It is what makes him so damn hot to begin with....I do have the best man in the entire world, bar none!