Starting Point.

As with everyone, I'm always in search of when my sex addiction made itself known. Was it always there, crawling beneath the surface of my mind? And how has it come to govern my entire existence?

I am 8-years-old, sitting in the backseat of a 1989 Nissan Z, waiting for my ice cream. I'm with my aunt's boyfriend Ed, on a "play-date." We've already been to the park, cruised around Charlottesville, and now he's treating me (and only me!) to ice cream. I was elated. The fact that I could have ice cream during the day was a novelty, and especially with Ed buying it from my favorite vendor. The vendor was located in the parking lot of a Tractor Supply. It was vacant.

Ed comes back with a Fudge Sundae, and beckons me to the passenger seat. I oblige eagerly. I adored him; maybe because I never received any loving attention from my own parents.

I'm biting into the maraschino cherry, when he gently places his warm, rough hand on my skinny thigh. Something about him warmed me, I craved attention, psychical and emotional, and he was providing me both at that moment. I can't recall when, but suddenly, I'm straddling his thighs, and his hand is palming my vagina. He wanted to know if I liked this. I remember wondering, is this how men have fun? I nodded.

It's summer, when the sun sets late, and he and I aren't cloaked in darkness as he molests me (voluntary, I might add), where anyone could see us. I loved it and hated it. It felt so wrong, but I liked it. And I'm thinking about how this happened, how at one minute I was eating my ice cream, and the next minute I'm letting my aunt's boyfriend touch me.

That was the beginning, I think. Of a destructive whirlwind, exciting and scary at the same time.

It ruined my life - because I always expected love in all the wrong ways. I needed it.

janeyfox janeyfox
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 12, 2012

It didn't ruin your life, you're still very young. We were all looking for love in the wrong places, that's a part of our growing experience and I really hope that you enjoy sex. Thanks for sharing. :-)

I think being molested has sonthing to do with my sex addictoin to