Off Our Backs Vs. Warren Farrell
From an OFF OUR BACKS
article reporting on the
1983 Congress of a U.S.
National Sexologists' Association
July 1983 issue
Charles Moser and Warren Farrell both emphasized that most ****** problems are caused by "treaters," i.e. therapists cause problems where none exist. Moser claimed that "most ****** cases have a loving nature" and that a daughter (in father-daughter ******) gets "special treatment" from the father. If the ****** is found out, Moser says, the child may feel more co-conspirator than victim. He stated that it is traumatic for a child to divulge the details of the ****** to strangers or to her mother who is, after all, "the other woman". He stated also that ****** is a symptom of a pathogenic (diseased) family, and that "pseudo ****** families" exist which have all the problems of an ****** family without the actual ******.
I was uncomfortable, to say the least, with Moser's analysis. Most ****** problems are not caused by therapists; but a bad therapist can aggravate any problem. Undoubtedly the judicial system brutalizes rape victims --- I wish that the system could be changed so that a child need only talk with a therapist, and if a court appearance is required that the child be represented by the therapist. The child should not have to detail the ****** to her mother or any other relative unless she is willing and ready to do so. And yes, a child can be made to feel like a co-conspirator by her father, who may exhort her to keep "our little secret". Can a child ever be a willing "co-conspirator" with her parent?
Warren Farrell asked that his data not be reported until his book on the "Family Sex Debate" comes out next year. Tough, Warren. [note: "next year" would be 1984]
Farrell advocates the use of neutral words to talk about ****** in order to leave room for both bad and good feelings around the situation. He calls ****** "family sex" (sounds like a family outing at the swing club to me) and he prefers "****** participant" to "****** victim". His term has the advantage of including both parties. Farrell interviewed "****** participants" and found that a significant percentage found the experience positive. These tended to be the adult males, who are "involved with" (rather than "who commit") ******. I mean family sex. Language is confusing! Farrell makes ****** sound innocent, bland, and harmless.
Certainly, some ****** victims (back to my language, where an unwitting victim is still a victim) have resolved their ****** issues before entering therapy for other problems. And any good therapist allows a client to express all of her feelings, good and bad, about any situations. These factors do not make ****** less of a trauma for the vast majority of cases.
Farrell mentioned, but did not emphasize, that almost all of the girls involved in father-daughter ****** (the most common type) found the experience very negative. His findings that many ****** participants found the experience positive is skewed because it includes perpetrators as well as every kind of ****** (including cousin-cousin, which is usually peer sex and not so comparable to other types of ******).
Date: Tue, 6 May 1997 14:21:55 -0700 (PDT)
From: "dr. warren farrell"
Subject: Re: Warren Farrell and 'Family Sex'
May 6, 1997
I was sent via e-mail a subsc
First, what was reprinted was something pubished in 1983 that says I have a book called The Family Sex Debate that will be coming out next year. It is now 14 years later. Where is this publication? The answer: It does not exist. I decided not to publish my research because of its potential for misuse, to say nothing of its potential for being misquoted! Since then, I have published two books: Why Men Are The Way They Are (1986) and The Myth of Male Power (1993).
Second, the reprint claims that I say that "most ****** problems are caused by 'treaters.' " That statement suffers from double jeopardy: It is neither what I have said, nor what I agree with. Specifically, I do not agree that most ****** problems are caused by treaters.
Third, the reprint says that I mentioned, but did not emphasize, that almost all the girls involved in father-daughter ****** found the experience very negative. The accurate portion: I did mention that; the inaccurate portion: I also emphasized that.
Sincerely, Warren Farrell, Ph.D.