Men Need To Succeed

There are actually a lot of things I admire about the male mind-set, and want to emulate. For example, men define themselves by what they do, who they are, and how much they make. Men need to be DOING something, whether it's racing a car, flying a plane, building something, creating something, earning money, or being recognized as an expert in their field or area of interest. Men don't feel that they MUST have a wife or girlfriend, or they need to attach to some woman in order to exist. If a man is single, everyone thinks it's OK. If a woman chooses to not be married, everyone thinks there is something wrong with her.
This may sound really selfish to someone who doesn't "get" it. I want to be able to succeed at something other than just being pretty, popular, sweet, or nurturing. Don't misunderstand; there's nothing wrong with any of those things if that's what you really want to do. It's a perfectly honorable way to succeed if that's who you are. However, I've been there, tried that, and I don't like it; it's not me. I'm not maternal, I'm not a nurturer, and I don't want my identity to be based on caretaking and catering to the whims of others, and being needed. You're only successful at nurturing if you're doing it for the right reasons and the right attitude; if you resent the people you're taking care of, that's no good.
It's not that I'm some snooty, powerful, bossy career woman, and I don't care about being rich or famous or having a prestigious title. I struggled with low self esteem earlier in my life, and I've been in a lot of situations where I've been walked on and humiliated ( I'm not feeling sorry for myself; I'm just trying to get you to understand where I'm coming from ). I just want to finally have some personal dignity. I would like to think women can be successful at something other than being pretty, sweet or nurturing. I'm still trying to figure out what that is for me. Yes, I know that all is vanity, and it won't make any difference what you're good at after you're dead and gone, people are more important than success, blah, blah, etc. But men will never truly be satisfied unless they get that personal achievement I'm talking about; I have that part of the male mind-set in myself.
atpeacewithme atpeacewithme
31-35
5 Responses Jul 20, 2010

It all depends how you define success. To me, if you are content you are successful.

lol people underestimate themselves, you can do anything!!!!!:D

Thanks. I still would like to learn more about something other than being pretty, sweet, or nurturing. I've had those labels stuck on me for my whole life and I'm tired of it. I still suffer terribly from low self esteem ( I know that sounds whiny ). If I were doing something technical, mechanical, or logical, it would give me a sense of competence and take my mind off these dark thoughts. I just don't what I want, how to get there, or if I'm smart enough. *sigh*

I don't want advice; I just want someone to listen.

I appreciate your comment. You express yourself very well, and it gave me a lot of food for thought. I am not in any way "looking down my nose" at motherhood or caretaking. We need people to do those things, and it can be wonderful if you're doing it for the right reasons and you're good at it. However, I don't think these roles should be automatic or obligatory just because you happen to be born female. The best point you made is when you said that the reason men can be so successful is because they are not obsessed with wanting children, or tied down with seeing to children's needs. If you are effective in helping your children grow their wings, it will often keep you from growing your own. Thanks again for reading and responding.

This is bloody brilliant. There is nothing selfish about your way of thinking. Remember that men work to serve the entire country. It's on a larger scale. Women are told to serve their families and that's that. Make it so that its easier for the male to serve the country. This is a load of ****. You're right when you say that men are always on some adventure. The women just stay home, waiting for a man to love, and shooting out babies. Yea, I don't see the appeal in this kind of crap. It sounds like a load of bile to me. It sounds weak to me. Really weak. Alright, its downright pathetically weak in my opinion to want this kind of thing. Puts you in an inferior place. And I hate to say it, but its feminine. Kind of nauseating to me, sorry. That's why men are so successful. They don't need women, or kids. And women don't need men either. They may want them, but they don't need them. <br />
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And honestly, success is more important than love, provided your success helps to save the world and not destroy it. You need to do something that aids people you don't know. I think that's what it means to be human. It's kind of selfish not to be serving the greater good. Men do, and that's why we enjoy the comforts we have today. They started it. Women's need for love is false. It's drilled into their heads by media and ancient ideals. Dependency makes you inferior, and that's how people can control and manipulate you. You do realize that you can't depend on males. They can ditch you and leave you penniless. So focus on something more instead, you know? <br />
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And as for being pretty, I never understood the basis for this. My theory is that it's just years of ideals rammed down women's throats. Let me tell you, great men were not always good looking. But we remember them because of their wisdom, not their looks. Wisdom lasts forever, even after you're gone. But beauty is just superficial. Brains are more important. Who cares if it doesn't attract guys. What's the point in the end? You're better off being stimulated by discoveries you make, opinions you have, and things you fight for. <br />
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And about not being maternal. Well, the fact that I despise babies might make me biased, so I'll shut up about that. But I will tell you that it's fine not to have maternal instincts. We may have descended from apes, but that doesn't make us animals. Reproduction isn't something women should be obsessed with, and they have every right not to want it, or like it, whatever. <br />
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Anyway, sorry about the length of the comment. I just had to let it out lol

very well said! actually i don't what to say except,thanks.