I'm in my mid-20's and this is the point in life where you figure out a lot about yourself. After the extensive dating game (long term, short term, flings, etc...) and various other experiences, I've figured out that I don't see a husband in my future, let alone children. Sure, there might be an off-chance that that'll change one day but that's up to me to decide and not for someone else to tell me "oh, you're young, you'll change your mind". I have my reasonings.

I have a very judgmental family, particularly my cousins who only care about face and reputation. Anything that isn't of the social norm is frowned upon by them... which absolutely boggles me because my mom and aunts are mostly powerful single mothers. I've told one of them about how I want to become successful and would be happy being on my own without a man because I can carry my own weight. I still have my friends and my companions. I want to work on myself and building my life to what I want it to be because I'm no where near where I want to be yet. But somehow, the idea of being a woman without a man or children leads to being labeled as "a loner dog lady". That's what my cousin called me.
katalinax katalinax
26-30, F
6 Responses Aug 16, 2014

Good for you. I feel much the same way. My family is quite traditional, except for my cousin, who is a lesbian and closest to me. And after seeing the way she is treated by them just because she isn't part of the social norm is discomforting.

I do not feel the need to have a man in my life. I want to focus on myself and my own goals, especially while finishing up college. I feel the criticism very often because I haven't had a boyfriend the whole time I've been at college.

Don't feel bad about your decision. You're not alone!

You and I. Pffft. You sound like me , just your are another person who has the same in common...we are probably the same age too.

Can you just for a moment close your eyes,maybe for a few seconds everyday and think of YOUR life the one with YOU and your unconditional idea of yourself in it. I think at this very moment your learning a very tough lesson. The life you want to live is YOUR life. It's impossible to live your life through someone else. If you are happy with your life then you would be changing it for what reason??? Would that reason bring evan more happiness into your life or less??? If it brings less what happens to the happiness that you have now.
Your family will still love you. At least the ones who always did. Be bold make a decision for your happiness.

You can do exactly what you want , I don't know why you feel the need to call yourself a feminist ?

Why not call herself a feminist?
If she believes in equality among the sexes she's already a feminist anyway.

I believe in equality , but I don't agree with the feminist man hating crap , and I don't need to have a label to be a strong , I dependant woman who goes after what she wants .

Feminists don't hate men. Those are misandrists.
You don't want the label, that doesn't mean that someone else isn't proud of the label.

Fine , but that label has a bad name .

Doesn't mean it's a bad thing.

Only if you shove it down people's throats .

Much like Christianity.

My, do you have a terrible misconception of what feminism is about. You're basing your knowledge (or there lack of) on misandronistic extremists who call themselves feminists. These can sometimes be called radical feminists. Go on YouTube, look up Laci Green and get videos. She'll tell you what feminism is like. We support gender equality and breaking free from ideas that widen the gender gap

Yes , Christianity too .

I don't call myself an atheist either .

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still plenty of time to change your mind later..............x

That's not the point.

i agree there is some stigma attached ............. but as a feminist .............you know its a bumpy path you have chosen ....................i think its great you are staying true to yourself .....................x

Yeah I don't know why our society puts such an emphasis on finding a partner and then procreating. As if that's the only thing worth living for.

I really want kids, not because society tells me to. I feel like I was meant to be a mother and having children would add to my life. I am content with what my life is right now but kids would be wonderful.

Which is totally cool.
I personally don't want kids but that's just me.
I just don't think love and companionship are the only things worth living for

It's totally fine to want kids and build a family. I know people who've known all their lives. I fully support that. The only issue I have is when people believe it to be the social norm for women to get married and have children as if it's our life purpose. I get that we're still in the process of breaking free out of that image as I am one of them but because we're trying to break free of it, we get ridiculed endlessly. The fact is that my own family ridicules me for it and it really just sucks.

And I'll be honest with you, I actually cried for a good 10 minutes when my own cousin called me a loner dog lady because it made me realize the lack of support I had within my own family. No one should have to feel guilty and ashamed for the way they choose their lives. Shaming is hurtful. -.-'

Wow, what jerks they are. I really hope you do not take what they have to say to heart. They can waste their negativity trying to insult you while you can focus you energy on making your life the best it can be.

You never know when the wheel will turn.I worked in an office and we had a vendor who thought he was a ladies' man Since he had to deal with me(male)there were plenty of snide comments"Boy they sure should hire a cute girl"etc.He got fired for harassment and slunk in looking for a job.I took great joy in sending him on his way.HAHA.Good luck to you.

How about procreating my intelligence and sharing with a much larger family. The one I was born into. The human family.

No thanks.

How many women have had their lives RUINED because they read the bridal magazines and were coerced to have kids-then trapped in an awful marriage for the sake of said kids?Yet we as a society shame women who have abortions instead of applauding them and giving them an 18 year tax break while we reward breeders with tens of thousands of my tax dollars every year to live on Easy Street.
My cousin has been a wedding photographer for 40 years and he has a pretty good track record of predicting who would stay together and who wouldn't(including one wedding where someone stood up in church to stop it and another which ended in a brawl with a drunk man trying to run down his new brother in law in the parking lot of the reception hall)

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