Why I Am Not a Feminist


If a feminist is a woman who wants equality with men, like equal pay, then I don't need to be a feminist.  I make more than any man does in my field. And yet, I am not a traditionalist either. I wouldn’t want to stay at home with bound feet like my great-great-grandmother and be a baby-making machine.  Yet I also like a man who is chivalrous, who stands up when I walk into a room or when I leave the table, who opens doors, and who wants to protect me (even though I wouldn’t say I’m helpless).  A woman doesn’t have to be empty-headed and giggly to enjoy being taken care of.

In China, during the time my mother grew from a teenager to adulthood during the Cultural Revolution, women were made to cut off their long hair and wear it in a short bob. They threw away their fine gowns and wore the same blue uniforms as the men.  There became a de-sexing of the sexes. Women worked side-by-side with men.  Everyone was "equal."  But that generation is aging now. I don’t have to live looking and acting as my mother did because of a government directive.

I don’t want the flatness of being treated as just a "human." I want to be treated as a lady, as someone who is cherished. Of course each sex can do things the other can’t. Vive la difference! Let’s bring back the sweetness of being feminine and the strong virility of being masculine. 

Men and women are different.  Why pretend otherwise?


(Big thank you to friend D for editing)

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33 Responses Mar 14, 2009

In fact , feminism is good for today's Men , outside marriage. A lot sex with feminists women (outside marriage). In addition, feminists are expert on extramarital affairs , which is good for single men. Free ride & free varieties. But feminism is worst for MEN in a marriage. Wise men don't marry, because divorce will cost him losing assets, large portion of his salary (alimony ) and may bankrupt .....a total financial ruin for the rest of the life.

it will only cost him if he depends on/uses the woman for his **** he can't earn otherwise

Laundry list of fairy tale type demands !! Keep dreaming . Real life is not about movies or fairy tales. ........Just kidding :)

Men and women are different.

How much?

100% ?
50% ?
10% ?
1% ?

xiaomei wrote, " I want to be treated as a lady, as someone who is cherished."

Sorry, toots, that's not going to happen. After more than 160 years of women demanding "equality" you get no more special privileges. And, frankly, you read like a typical 3rd wave feminist who demand all the classic ill gotten gains of feminism while also wanting all the pre-feminist female privileges. Pound sand.

yes! all life thrives on diversity.

Feminism has brought a end to chivalry. Men don't respect women anymore. Feminism has turned women into selfish princesses. Men are saying "you want equality then open your own door." Women were something to be admired and respected. Women who have a good personality are becoming a rare breed. Men are just feed up with women. Its called MGTOW. Men Going Thier Own Way. Men are tired of getting the shaft. Men have no reproductive rights. We have no rights to our children. We realise women's hypergamy and refuse to take part. Men are starting to see that any and all relationships with women are dangerous and harmful. I believe they are called "grass eaters" in China or Japan. <br />
Where have all the good men gone? The good men have looked at the destruction caused by feminism and women and said "it isn't worth it. Im not playing this game." MGTOWs are saying no to children no to any relationships with women. Basically MGTOWs are refusing to take part in society. We are bugging out. If you want to be taken care of your S.O.L. We are tired of being a wallet. We are taking our utility back. The power of P#ssy has been broken. Men are starting to realise that sexual gratification is extremely dangerous. Why put yourself into the position of being a victim of false allegations. In 20% of all rape allegations the accuser eventually admits to fabricating the allegations. Another 20% are proven to be false when examined. It is estimated that 10% of all men convicted of rape are innocent. That's 50% of all rape accusations are lies. Give me one good reason to get with in 10 feet of a women. Give me one good reason for a man to pit himself into a position where he has a gun to his head and at any point she can pull the trigger for no good reason. Things like raising your voice or using logic when arguing with a women are considered Domestic violence. Refusing to give her your money is domestic violence. Women simply aren't worth it. <br />
Feminism is the idea that women should have all the right and privileges of a adult with no responsibility for their actions. <br />
Men are saying no thanks.

Sums up my feelings perfectly!

most men never did respect women : P just sayin...


leptar is cleary a feminist... nearly ALL men respected women until the feminist movement came.

nah not really. my exact position on the issue's complicated, but speaking only of respect, it's completely true that women got the short end of the stick. suffrage, voting, caste roles...there were even scientists who said it was proven women weren't as intelligent as men.

now i don't necessarily seek to justify or slander those scientists or past men, but those are the facts of the matter.

personally i find guys who whine about feminists more annoying then feminists themselves. it's no big revelation to realize feminists incessant nagging and complaining's basically just that, but guys who take them seriously strike me as weak and more then a little pathetic.

You should take a look at the laws feminism had pushed through the government.

Yes. A woman can now jail a man on near NO substantial evidence of rape, and get an abortion without even the father's consent. Women can vote, go outside, even scream at their husbands and beat their husbands without having the fear of being hit back.

if your afraid of a woman you need to hit the weights bro. man up is all i have to say to guys who take abuse by their wives.
now the court system..is monkey court and there's no two ways about it. statistically it's not slanted against men but towards them. not that statistics say everything there is to know about the world but it's a fact.

fathers rights however i stand behind fully.

You should really wake up and take a look around. Primary aggressor policies, no drop prosecutions and the dear colleague letter.

aside from the fact that you didn't adress what i said at all, you have yet to make a point.

neither primary aggressor law, no drop prosecutions, nor the dear letter to colleague mentioned gender as one of the criteria for crime. not even once.
further more Ms Foundation For Women opposes mandatory arrest and no-drop prosecution, so how do these go against anything you believe in?

7 More Responses

Bravo Bravo. Come join us at the MRA. We will be glad to have you. Im sure you could give us some valuable insight on your experiences with"equality". I know i would love to hear it.

Wow! Why do you make the word ( feminist ) sound so derogatory? Why do women still find it necessary to defend themselves against people who think feminism is a dirty word??!!??<br />
Being a feminist does not , in any way, imply that I am not a lady ...

Though I respect your opinion and your right to have it as a human being, I have to say, I take issue with a few of your points. First of which is your idea of what feminism is. Feminism isn't about women achieving equality with men. Feminism is about destabilizing the oppressive systems at work that affect our lives every day. You have achieved one of the goals of feminism by making more money than men in your field, the fact that you're able to make that money, or hold that position at all was and is a feminist goal. But that's not where it ends. Feminism is about fighting oppression in every form it takes; racism, sexism, homophobia, classism, etcetera.<br />
Second, to your comment that men and women are inherently different, the only true differences between men and women is that women can give birth and men have an easier time building muscle because of the increased amount of testosterone in men's bodies than women's'. Everything else is taught. Do you believe that men are inherently masculine, and women are inherently feminine? I ask because I'm a Queer Studies scholar and Masculinity and Femininity don't really exist. They are performances of gender, which entirely socially constructed. There's nothing authentic about it. There's nothing biological about men performing chivalry. I really take issue with the "bring[ing] back the sweetness of being feminine and the strong virility of being masculine" because it implies that only men can be strong and women can be sweet. Everyone should be sweet and kind to each other, and everyone should feel strong in their own right. I firmly believe that these gender binaries are stupid, and frankly entirely oppressive.

Feminism isn't about being literally equal with men. Feminism is about having equal rights to live your own life without being subordinate to men because of traditional norms. It is about people fighting for the eradication of gendered roles, which limits the potentials of both women and men to achieve their full potential, that are passed on from generation to generation. It is about having the same opportunities with men in the economic sector, political sector, etc. It is about change; changing the traditional behaviors, norms, and beliefs that only favors men; changing the values that leads to domestic abuse and discrimination against women. In short, feminism is about empowering women. With the little information that you have given about yourself, I can say that you are already a feminist because of your choice to deviate from the preserved traditions in your country.<br />
FYI: There are actually feminists that are MEN. so feminism is not limited to women.

Your comment about 'Vive la difference' misses a lot of important points. <br />
<br />
One...Chivalry comes from the idea that women are lesser, inferior, and therefore 'special'. Do you really want that idea enacted in your everyday life? <br />
<br />
And two...you push the idea of sweet and feminine vs strong and masculine, but those are schemas not everyone naturally fits into or wants to. Too often, 'accepting differences' degrades into forcing these differences in people's faces whether they want to mold themselves to these roles or not. What's wrong with being a strong woman, or a sensitive man?

You describe feelings on the subject which I share in the very same way. I too want to be independent when it comes to my choices and my career, or lack of it (if I choose to stay home and pop out babies) but also want to be 'treated like a lady', as you put it.<br />
I do however get perceived as a feminist when I attack authors such as Stephanie Meyer. I don't know how big the 'Twilight' franchise is in China, but over here it's huge. What I think is that it's a very clever marketing move, but I don't have to be a feminist to dislike her portrayal of her main role as a woman who starts and ends with the man/men she loves.<br />
Is it impossible in the world of today to have a female role model who is not only very feminine, but also determined and who has other goals in life than finding a man?

isn't there a delicious sandwich you could be making for your husbands right now?

Of course women make more money than men as models. That is the field where women are ob<x>jectified and seen as sexual ob<x>jects. <br />
<br />
But what about those women who are not luck enough to be gorgeous models? What about the girl who wants to be an engineer or scientist? Why shouldn't she be entitled to the same money as a man in her field?

The wage gap lie has been proven to be just that. A lie. When you take into account all factors women general earn more than men. Men work more hours than women. Men tend to work the more undesirable shifts. Men work the more dangerous and uncomfortable jobs. Feminist just look at the pay check and scream oppression. They don't look for the real reason why there is a difference. If a women earns less it because of her choices.

i know, i know. silence the noise. no need to argue. everything will be fine if you just close your eyes, your ears, your mouth...

ladies, ladies...<br />
<br />
*OOF* (taking a hit from both sides )<br />
<br />
well if you're going to get physical about it...

"the myth... hat all said differences are just enforced b/c of some entrenched hegemonic masculine conspiracy in some effort to subjugate women.<br />
<br />
silly feminists."<br />
<br />
<br />
-it´s amazing how quickly a rant against feminism turns into the denial of sexism altogether. thanks so much! i don´t really like personal freedom anyway, it´s scary.<br />
<br />
now i wonder who´s going to proclaim that they like living within racist sterotypes and limits, and that racism doesn´t exist either...i hope soon because as an ethnic minority i sure am getting tired of all these human rights activists telling me otherwise. how annoying!!!<br />
<br />
viva la oppression!!!

oh, and women who want to justify sleeping around once something horrible happens to them (such as sexual assault)...<br />
<br />
at least thats my 1 on 1 experience.

i find feminism is largely women who want to spread the myth that gender differences are all socialized, and that all said differences are just enforced b/c of some entrenched hegemonic masculine conspiracy in some effort to subjugate women.<br />
<br />
silly feminists.

I really oppose replacing one stereotype with another : the pregnant-and- barefoot-in-the-kitchen one with the super-mom-with-the-full-time-career one. One stereotype is as evil as another and is as equally confining.<br><br />
Let women be women and men be men, whatever that means to each person.<br><br />
There should be legal equality not just for both genders but also for people with different sexual preferences.<br><br />
I heartlly agree: Vive la difference.

yes, I understand you..I think that whole equal between man an woman is wrong,where as each one has a different nature.woman is more emotionlly and a man is more logically.the woman's needs and abilities r diffirent from man's oncec.Actually I read about islamic theory for that.so i admire it until now..

"If a feminist is a woman who wants equality with men, like equal pay, then I don't need to be a feminist."<br />
<br />
"I don’t have to live looking and acting as my mother..."<br />
<br />
"I don’t want the flatness..."<br />
<br />
<br />
Feminism isn´t about "you", it´s about "us."

U comment about ur parents generation being prevented from expressing themselves, reminded me of a story I heard on the radio. A couple living thru the 60s in China told how they kept a suit and a dress from their earlier days. At night they would dress in these clothes and dance, without music. Seemed so sad to imagine that silent embrace. Equally upsetting was their fear of disclosure by neighbours and even family members to the authorities. Very reminiscent of Horst Wessel and the third reich.

we are unworthy

Thank you, I just read "Surviving Catwalk Modeling" and I am not surprised that you are a modal.<br />
<br />
I am especially interested in hearing your thoughts on modern China. I thought you were a college student before I just found out you are a retired model. <br />
<br />
Looking at your avatar picture is nice but I would be interested in hearing what you have to say if your avatar was blank...DD

Hey I'm just a tourist here, but I just wanted to stop by and thank everyone, men and women, for such a great, informative and respectful discussion. It's nice to read. :oD

Often our social customs comes from religion was my point here in the west. But I do not mean to focus on religion. <br />
<br />
I am very happy that you have the freedom you have in China today. May I ask what it is that you do? <br />
<br />
Thank you for your suggestion. I will read about Empress Dowagers Cixi and Longyu. <br />
<br />
I know you do not represent all women in China, but this is a great opportunity to learn something about the thoughts of the modern Chinese woman. I am very pleased to meet you...DD

Feminism just means women have a right to be human,treated as equals it does not take away your femininity.It allows you to be what you want to be.

WOW is the least to be said about what wrote , <br />
Thats exactly what we need as women .. <br />
and u managed to put it in such simple and clear words !!<br />
<br />
i come from a culture that is very much bounded by judging the person by his/her gender and it is really frusterating to find that religion do encourage Men to act with superiority even more in an indirect way ( believe me sometimes too direct) <br />
<br />
but u have just summerised all what i had in mind in this piece , :) <br />
Many thankssssss

Dear xiaomei, if you are interested in an unbiased account of the actual lives of the western pagans who did worship the Goddess please google and read the <br />
records for your self kept by The Venerable Bede, (672-735 CE.) a Christian scholar, and The Roman Officer Tacitus, who wrote The Agricola, as both clearly document that the pagans of old England worshiped the Goddess as well as other aspects of nature. They also held women in high regard, certainly higher then the status of women previously know to the Roman Tacitus. Note also Tacitus wrote of his envy of the pagan life style. You can also read any book about Boudica, Who was called both The Warrior Queen and Queen of the Witches).<br />
<br />
What ever you are interrested in, that would be my focus in our texting as you wish. Please forgive the side issue concerning the status of western women...DD

U describe the interesting dichotomy arising from a feminist wishing to be treated as an equal alongside the desire to be treated as a lady. The two are compatible but I have heard the odd Neanderthal equate feminism with women and men being treated as identical. I enjoy the companionship of a woman who is superior to me in many ways but still wishes me to honour traditional etiquette. Equality isn't an excuse for rudeness. Having said that I think some of the more trenchant feminists do their cause no favours by giving the impression that they are men haters.

Feminist claim that gender identity is a social construct. Another words we aren't born male or female. We are taught to be that male and female based on our anatomy.

I think you don't fit in any "box" that would try to define who you are.<br />
I have only just met you and yet I know you will set your own rules as to what is right or best for you. <br />
I would tell any man who is lucky to meet you that he had best not think he "understands " you too quickly! Lol. <br />
<br />
One political point. In the western world, before Christian influence, women enjoyed far greater rights then the vast majority of women in the world today. Women were Priestess of the Goddess in Her many aspects.<br />
It is incorrect to claim that “women have come a long way toward equality” in the west. The truth is that women have yet a long way to go before they have the status of a Priestess during the time when the Goddess was honored <br />
<br />
Was The Goddess ever honored in China’s past? Did women ever have highest possable status in China? …DD

Feminism has nothing to do with defining the sexes as being the same. It has to do with saying that everyone, including women, have a right to do as they wish with their own life. It is the idea that minds need to change in regards to defining roles based on what sex they are. You have a legal right now to do what you do because of the fights that the generation made before you. Otherwise, you and your mother would still have their feet bound and good for nothing but to be a baby machine. Either way, it is about having the choice and the legal rights to pursue what you wish.