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My Very New Relationship With My Firefighter

I just began dating my boyfriend about 2 months ago. He is a volunteer firefighter and finishing up EMT school. I'm having a VERY hard time dealing with the crazy schedule. It's not that I don't completely respect and in fact ADORE the fact that he does something so awesome, but I need advice on how you other women do it. I worry constantly if he's okay or not and wonder when I'll see him again. Does it get easier? and what is the best way for me to show him support?

Thanks ladies!!!!
Newbie =]
chelle0489 chelle0489 22-25 17 Responses Mar 26, 2011

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<p>I have started dating a firefighter who has divorced and has one 18-yr-old daughter for about 5 mths. I met him on line. I like him very much. He also told me he likes me a lot and he loves me. Most of the time, we met in my home. </P><br />
<p>However, he refused to let me know his address. Of course, he gave me some excuses that I doubted. I think when he really consider I am important to him, he does not mind letting me know that. </P><br />
<p>I was out of the town for 5 wks. I just came back about 10 days ago. While I was not in the town, we still kept in texting each other. He did send me text and told me "miss me". He also picked me up in the airport when i was back. </P><br />
<p>However, he has not made his time to see me after I came back. I asked what happened to him. He only said he was busy with work and his daughter who has drug issues. </P><br />
<p>I have missed him a lot but I dont feel the same way from him. </P><br />
<p>I thought he is emotional because of his job. Now, I have no idea about him. </P><br />
<p>I would like to have some advices from you.</P><br />
<p>
RY</P>

The one thing I can tell you is to always keep your eyes open. I dated 2 FFs and didn't know they were married. I'd meet them at the station or in the office (chief), a few times outside their work but very little. The red flag never went up because of their crazy work schedule and classes. They are very busy but always find a way to cheat. They are good liars, mine even had 2 different phone #s and 2 separate email accounts. So I never noticed neither did their wives. Not all are cheaters, though, just like any man from any profession. My bad experiences have just been with FFs. Just saying that a "late/unscheduled shift" or a "meeting" could be just a cover up to meet the "other woman". So just be careful. I still love FFs but I think I'll try ppl from other professions.

I am a volunteer Firefighters girlfriend. It is very hard! I always worry about him. What really makes it hard is when were in town having fun and he has a call he has to go to. We always have to cut dates short. Some days I wont even see him because he works all day and then he has a call. Its frustrating.

My boyfriend is the Battalion Chief at our local volunteer fire department. Im lucky to see 1-2 times a week. The way we get through it is communication. We talk as much as we possibly can, even if its just texting. If either of us have a hard day or something is wrong we talk to each other and we both make it a priority to take a few minutes to talk to each other when needed. Its hard at first, but you learn to not only accept but to understand what and why he's doing it. For Firefighters, it is who they are. Fire is their life, and they are passionate about it, and live every day for it. You will learn to admire that and not hate it. Its good motivation and allows you to pursue your dreams and goals and use them as an example. The free time is hard at first, but it makes you miss each other more, and makes you happier in the long run. Plus all that free time you can focus on yourself, set your own goals, hobbies etc and live your life how you'd like. Be there for your firefighter as much as you can. They need a listening ear, and they need help and support. Since they are so busy they rarely have time to relax or do things they may need to get done. If you are lonely or not sure what to do in your free time, ask him how you can help him. He may need errands ran or may appreciate it if you ran some things down to the station for him. Communication is key and y'all can get through anything.

I am new in a relationship with a firefighter. We haven't even met each other yet. We text every day and I am here for support but, I would like to see him. But, he works so much. On his day off, he volunteers.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now (high school sweethearts). He's been an EMT for 2 years, just finished his AS in Fire Tech, recently became a volunteer firefighter and Is starting fire academy next month. Aside from working my self I go to college too & it doesn't make it any easier that I now live 45 miles away from him. I've gone from seeing him 3-4 times a week to maybe 1 or 2. It was so hard on me, we used to have arguments about not spending time together to build onto the relationship; but I've learned to understand that he needs all the support he can get. I am extremely inspired by his motivation and passion for what he does and have realized that this is all for OUR future. We're in it together. The more u show u understand, the more hell be proud of the strong woman he has by his side.

I have dated mostly firefighters and i have lived with firefighters so i can completely understand your situation. My bf is a firefighter for 2 volunteer companies and when he isnt in college or working, he is at the fire acdemy taking more classes so he can be a better firefighter. He always has his pager on him. You are going to have to get use to that. Your bf schedule, will never ease up. He will be devoted to his calling no matter what. The worrying well that never goes away. I worry about my firefighter day and night. If you want to support him ask him about his day or whats going on. I ask mine questions all the time and i always listen when he has had a bad call. My advice is take one call at a time. And there will be times where u wont see him for days or hear from him. To be with a firefighter is alot of work. They dont work a typical 9-5 job. And please dont join the firehouse just to be with him, they really dont like that. If you do decide to join do it because fighting fire is your passion. My best advice for you is to be patient and prepare because this wont be a easy relationship.

I feel like I can't get any time with my firefighter. We have been together a month now. I can't get him on the phone, text or anything. I haven't met his family or any of his brothers. Sometimes I feel I should give up. Good luck to you!

girl I feel you I am on the same boat with my FF boyfriend. I hardly get time with him we have been together for almost 3 months. Its hard but I really care about him he treats me like his princess. I have not meet his family eaither the little time he has is during the week and we spend time together like 2 time a week. right now he is at the station and I have not heard from him since Saturday I am worried about him.

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and 7 months and he has been a volunteer firefighter for 2 years. it is very hard to see him leave to go to a call and i worry dearly about him. it doesnt get easier or so i havent found it easier. the best thing i did to help me from worrying about him was joining the fire department with him so now we go to calls together and i worry less about him because i can see that he is safe. ive been a firefighter for 5 months now

Ayanchuck - Dump that homo. He's way into being a volunteer "fireman". He sounds like a dork who gets off on thinking he's a bad ***. Racing to a headache at 3 a.m. is not cool. I'd shut that pager off n stay in bed.

My boyfriend just joined the fire department. He needed to pick me up from the gym one day and I was waiting for 3 hours for him to get me because he was at a call. It was snowing and I was in workout gear. I literally had ice all over me.

Ever since he joined, I feel like I am just some other person in his life. I don't feel important to him unless he doesn't have his pager right beside him. I know I go away a lot, leaving him, but I feel like when he leaves me to go to a call, it's completely different. I'll never forget the one time we were laying down and I was about to tell him about a huge decision that I had to make. We got started talking about the pros and cons of it and right as I was about to go and tell him what I had decided, his pager went off. I got nothing but a "see you later bye" and then he was in the truck speeding down the road. Sometimes I get an "I love you" thrown in there and I feel like it should be every time instead of once in a while. Even when we go out to dinner or lunch or just to a store, the pager has to come. I feel like his pager is just an add on to our relationship. He says he always has to be ready when his duty calls and I get that, but what is he going to do when we are at dinner and he gets a call? Is he going to just leave me in the restaurant, take the truck, and go?

I knew being with a firefighter would be hard, but making the transition from being his top priority to now nothing is really hard for me. It has been almost 6 months now and once he graduates finished Fire 1 he plans on working as a firefighter. I know that is going to be even harder.

I can honestly say that I do support him. I love that he wants to help people out and do everything he can. I just feel like since it is just volunteer, maybe things could be different. Maybe he could try to care a little more about me and our relationship, because I feel as though ever since he has joined, we have been falling apart completely. I don't know what to do anymore. He says he doesn't feel that way, but he will never see this the way I do. To him, this is his job, his duty, it's what he HAS to do. I don't think I'll ever understand.

I wish the rest of you luck coping with your situations!

I know how you feel. We always have to cut dates short. He always has his pager and his radio. Sometimes he will leave me somewhere and call someone to come get me. You have to understand that firefighters love what they do. When they have a call, something makes them forget everything and all they think about is fire. They have the best intentions, but the way they leave will hurt you. I love my boyfriend and I know he doesn't try to hurt me but when there's a fire, I'm the last priority. We will never understand them. Just try to hold on. He will come around

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 wonderful months now, and he is already my hero !! Hes talking about going to fire academy after finishing up his associates degree since i met him. I have dated in the military ( not deployment though) and also dated a volunteer firefighter who wasn't so involved in his dept. I really want to be supportive of his decisions, does anyone have any advice for surviving academy and thIs career choice?? I tend to be a worry wart and very protective over my loved ones... Any help would be much appreciated!!!! Thank you ladies for your amazing support of our heros!! I have the upmost respect for y'all! <3

Im in the same position that you are in..i just deal with it call at a time...my heart skips a beat everytime the tones drop, and i worry until i no he is home again...for me it hasnt gotten easier, because EVERY call is different, and you never really know if they are safe until they get home again...the way i get through it is, I just support him and what he does..and he supports me in return.

I'm in the same position as you! I was hoping it would get easier. I guess we just have to learn to accept it and let it be.

I have been dating my firefighter for 5 years now. We started dating when I was 16 and he was 18. In the beginning things were rough. He joined the local volunteer fire department without telling me, so he just randomly started leaving me when his pager went off, or "blowing me off" for a class he "had" to take. I hated it. We would fight constantly, and I would give him ultimatum after ultimatum; me or the fire department. I used to joke around and tell him that the only way he was gonna spend time with me was if I was on fire! Eventually he decided he wanted to make a career out of it. I really didn't think we were going to make it as a couple. <br />
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But on the night of my high school graduation we were on our way back to my home and came across a terrible car accident. It was on the border of his fire district and we were the first ones there. He had me call 911 while he got out, put on his gear and did what all those class that he really did actually have to take taught him to. He was amazing. I developed an entire new respect for him, and every other firefighter, and what they do. <br />
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In a way my firefighter is numb (like the person before me posted), but in a way you have to understand why. A couple of months ago mine was involved in tearing about a house were the police thought an 8 year old girl to be murdered. He is quite accustomed to death, dead bodies don't freak him out, and he handles funerals pretty well. But he HAS to be that way. My firefighter isn't withdrawn, there are some things they aren't suppose to talk about (like the little girl I mentioned before). OR things they may not want to talk about with you. After all, its not like we understand, and its not like we could handle some of it, in fact if you are a worrier like me, it might just make you worry more. For Christmas this past year he wanted a bail out kit, for incase he ever needed to bail out of a window...I was so upset about it, because I didn't want to think about him bailing out of any windows..lol.<br />
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The worrying doesn't go away. Every third day when he works that 24 hours I can't wait until the next day when I can see him again. However the day of his shift is a great "me" day. Or a day to spend with my friends, or even catching up on my homework. You have to have patience with him. Because he sees things that most people don't. He is a hero in ever aspect of the word. The most terrible feeling in the world is knowing he is on a structure fire, because you know you wont hear from him for hours, but they are trained to handle those situations, and will most likely be fine. Ask him about his job. Don't act like you don't care. If you make him want to talk about it with you, you will know more about what his job is actually like. But if you get annoyed every time he starts talking about it, he WILL refrain from talking with you about it. And you will drift apart. Most of all, let him know you admire him (but don't let him know how much you admire him, most of them aren't all sweet and sentimental like that.ha) Firefighters deserve respect, they are completely under paid for the work they do. And the sacrifices they make, like spending an entire 24 hours at a time away from their loved ones.<br />
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My firefighter is a full time paid man, for a year in July, and he is more crazy about it than ever before. We are taking about taking the next step and getting engaged, since I am getting ready to graduate from college. We are stronger than ever and can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together. I know your relationship is just starting out, but if you think it might amount to something than take my advice. Not all firefighters are like the previous post describes. Some of us get lucky, and get to date, or even marry our hero :)

wow! <br />
sorry you're having such a hard time. <br />
I didn't have fairy tale expectations, I was just asking for advice on how to<br />
deal with the schedule and how to support him when he needs it.<br />
Thanks for all the help. :

I remember when my now husband ( firefighter) was going through all the classes and the probation and it doesn't get easier. Sorry to tap dance on your little dreams. After he gets done with that he will go to work and it won't be about the schedule anymore. You''l get used to it. I now love it when he is at work. 24 hours of free time to me time! Firefighters are first responders to calls, they see awful things and go through traumatic situations. My husband has become completely withdrawn, numb and very closed off. He doesn't talk about the situations he is placed in and he has become very egotistical. It's ridiculous. I have absolutely grown to hate his job and what it has done to him. Don't worry about if he is okay or not, that is why they go through all that training. He will be fine and the likelyhood of something happening to them is slim to none. His job will always come first, so brace yourself for that. If you think for one moment that after all the classes and ect are finished that his schedule will open up, you've got another thing coming. My husband will work out for 3 hours a day just to stay in shape so that he can perform the way they need him to perform. yadda yadda yadda. You have to be very independent to be with a firefighter. It never gets easier. One day he will retire and be a cranky crusty bitter old man with nothing to do beacause he can't do the one things that consumes his whole life. My daughter and I ALWAYS come second. He's completely obsessed and I have yet to meet a firefighter who isn't like this. Good luck, hopefully your firefighter is different.

shastar- While I'm very sorry that this is your situation, I don't think it's fair to lump all firefighters into one category. Firefighters are more than just what they do, they are people from all walks of life, and some of them are bound to have issues, just like anyone else. I really don't think it's ok to talk about them in this way, either. My husband has been a paramedic/firefighter for a few years now and he is not at all as you describe. Sure, it's rough when he is away, and it can be scary at times. And yes, I do get selfish once in a while when it at times feels like he ought to change his address to that of the firehouse, but I can't possibly imagine being with anyone else. I'll support him until the day I die. He is my hero, and I have NEVER seen him act egotistical about it.

To say that they are all obsessed, egotistical, and withdrawn is simply unfair..