I Am a Firefighter's Girlfriend
Hi everyone,
I've finally decided to reach out and see what others may be experiencing and feeling...
I've been dating a volunteer, and career firefighter for almost 2 years; I've known him for almost 7. When I met him he volunteered, so I've always known it's been a part of his life. 3 years ago he made it his career, and I thought to myself: there's no turning back now.
When we first started dating, the firehouse wasn't a big priority. He says "the politics of the house got to be too much". I can see how if someone spends 90% of their day there. Anyways, so in the begining IT didn't really affect our relationship much, or even at all. 6 months or so went by and he started going there more often. At first it didn't bother me; he'd leave whenever I was coming over after work or class, and he'd turn his pager off when we watched TV, ate dinner, and went to bed. I grew curious to some of the people who he hung out with and always talked about, so every now and then we'd have dinner with another couple, or go out for drinks with the group. After a few of those outings I felt a little better and felt more involved. Even felt accepted now that I'm sitting here writing and thinking about this. Now? A year later (give or take) things are alot different...
The good things: Now things are a litte more serious between us. We're past that "puppy love" stage, talking about moving in together, and our (possible) future together. We've talked about what we want in life, our values, and our beliefs, and we agree and see many things on the same level. So in that department, we're great. And now I do feel accepted and welcome in his firehouse family.
The not-so-good things: Now he turns his pager on when we go to bed. He takes it with him in the car when we have plans to stay local around the firehouse. He still leaves the fh when I leave work or class, but again, he is sure to turn his pager on while sitting at home. I don't feel respected by some of the younger guys (we're both 24) that he works with; they make comments about what he does when I'm not around, or little inside jokes here or there. Which I "get", he's with these people ALOT, they have their own things they do together, but my personal opinion, regardless of what profession someone may have, inside jokes are just plain rude.
Genuinely, he is a sweet, loving, lovable, caring and kind person. He still opens the door for me and lets me walk ahead of him. Very polite. But that aside, and belive me I appreciate that, when it comes to the firehouse in general with us, he expects me, wants me, and thinks I should or I need to "accept the firehouse". His reason is because I knew he was involved in the firehouse before we even began dating. My brother is a federal firefighter, so my boyfriend thinks because my brother is, I should be able to deal with him being a firefighter too. This Firefighter thing by the way, is totally new to me. I didn't grow up in a fire department family, I'm not used to having someone I love not be there for dinner, get up in the middle of the night because a call goes out, or not be home christmas morning. So i'm kind of learning how to deal as I go.
Speaking of "dealing"...that's just what my problem is. I'm having a hard time dealing with some of the things he either wants to do or has to do. He's gotten to the point where whenever we have a disagreement, he says I should be used to it by now because I've been with him so long. He expects me to just be OK with him leaving in the middle of the night, signing up to be part of a fill-in crew and miss time spent with together. He's even said he wants me to move in with him, but he doesn't want it until we can figure out our issues with the fire department.
So is all this just me? Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Am I being too controlling?
Any response or advice would really help. I really need another point of view.... :-/
I've finally decided to reach out and see what others may be experiencing and feeling...
I've been dating a volunteer, and career firefighter for almost 2 years; I've known him for almost 7. When I met him he volunteered, so I've always known it's been a part of his life. 3 years ago he made it his career, and I thought to myself: there's no turning back now.
When we first started dating, the firehouse wasn't a big priority. He says "the politics of the house got to be too much". I can see how if someone spends 90% of their day there. Anyways, so in the begining IT didn't really affect our relationship much, or even at all. 6 months or so went by and he started going there more often. At first it didn't bother me; he'd leave whenever I was coming over after work or class, and he'd turn his pager off when we watched TV, ate dinner, and went to bed. I grew curious to some of the people who he hung out with and always talked about, so every now and then we'd have dinner with another couple, or go out for drinks with the group. After a few of those outings I felt a little better and felt more involved. Even felt accepted now that I'm sitting here writing and thinking about this. Now? A year later (give or take) things are alot different...
The good things: Now things are a litte more serious between us. We're past that "puppy love" stage, talking about moving in together, and our (possible) future together. We've talked about what we want in life, our values, and our beliefs, and we agree and see many things on the same level. So in that department, we're great. And now I do feel accepted and welcome in his firehouse family.
The not-so-good things: Now he turns his pager on when we go to bed. He takes it with him in the car when we have plans to stay local around the firehouse. He still leaves the fh when I leave work or class, but again, he is sure to turn his pager on while sitting at home. I don't feel respected by some of the younger guys (we're both 24) that he works with; they make comments about what he does when I'm not around, or little inside jokes here or there. Which I "get", he's with these people ALOT, they have their own things they do together, but my personal opinion, regardless of what profession someone may have, inside jokes are just plain rude.
Genuinely, he is a sweet, loving, lovable, caring and kind person. He still opens the door for me and lets me walk ahead of him. Very polite. But that aside, and belive me I appreciate that, when it comes to the firehouse in general with us, he expects me, wants me, and thinks I should or I need to "accept the firehouse". His reason is because I knew he was involved in the firehouse before we even began dating. My brother is a federal firefighter, so my boyfriend thinks because my brother is, I should be able to deal with him being a firefighter too. This Firefighter thing by the way, is totally new to me. I didn't grow up in a fire department family, I'm not used to having someone I love not be there for dinner, get up in the middle of the night because a call goes out, or not be home christmas morning. So i'm kind of learning how to deal as I go.
Speaking of "dealing"...that's just what my problem is. I'm having a hard time dealing with some of the things he either wants to do or has to do. He's gotten to the point where whenever we have a disagreement, he says I should be used to it by now because I've been with him so long. He expects me to just be OK with him leaving in the middle of the night, signing up to be part of a fill-in crew and miss time spent with together. He's even said he wants me to move in with him, but he doesn't want it until we can figure out our issues with the fire department.
So is all this just me? Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Am I being too controlling?
Any response or advice would really help. I really need another point of view.... :-/
By:
LaceyAnn04
Age:
22-25
