I Used to Say I Was a Christian But Now I Saw I Am a Follower of Jesus

I used to say I was a Christian but too many of the Christian people and Christian ideas don't appeal to me anymore.  I just find the people too judgemental and cruel.  On the other hand I am enamored with Jesus.  How could I not be.  He was and amazing teacher, healer  and I believe was the messiah. 

I know I don't live up to his standards anymore.  I have many dark desires and dishonesty's in my life now.  Perhaps people(church people) sense that about me and that's why they are so unkind.  I don't know.  I do know that at minimum I try to treat people with the kindness and compassion that I read about in the bible and the love. I try to help others and minister to them.  I try to accept others in spite of their weaknesses.  I pray but not enough.  I should pray more but I guess for the first time in my life I feel that God doesn't really hear my prayers.  I mean there have been many times that I felt that he isn't answering my prayers.  But lately I feel he doesn't even hear them because of the sin in my life.  I guess I could try asking for forgiveness but I want to sin and that is the issue.  Oh well, I am still a believer in Jesus and at minimum I will pray every day that he will not leave me and his holy spirit will continue to speak to me.  We'll see.

fortysomethingwife fortysomethingwife
46-50, F
1 Response Mar 13, 2009

I sympathize with you on those first two lines. It seems that my own God is so like the Christian God, but oh, that Bible... it sure does get in the way. xD<br />
I think it's great that you want to change your life for the better, though. You shouldn't worry so much. I get the feeling that Jesus is well-aware of this human weakness... if he wants His followers to all be perfect, he should ready Himself for some major disappointment. But the Bible says (or maybe it's just the preachers, can't remember) that He (and his other form, God) loves everyone unconditionally, so don't you think he would love your weakness, too? I mean, not the sin itself, obviously, but you're trying... that's all He could ever ask for, really.<br />
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(See? I would make a GREAT Christian. It's that darn Bible... if I can't get past the first few pages without wanting to throw it across the room, I guess I'm just not Heaven material. =P)