Wandering

Through most of my teenage years, I never felt settled, never felt as though I was headed steadfastly in a defined direction, like my classmates. It always bugged me, I wanted that solidarity, too. My late teens and early twenties are mostly a blur. I couldn't sit still, couldn't hammer down a job that I would stick with, I was more interested in seeing places and experiencing things than school or a job. I certainly was in no position to choose a career, I couldn't even make a definate decision of what city I wanted to live in. A good friend of mine and I drove across 5 states, our plan to drive the entire USA, stop and work here and there to make money to eat, sleep, and continue travel. We didn't make it, 5 states in,her mother called and her grandmother had passed away, so we turned back, heading home, still thrilled that we had seen those 5 states and talked and talked about continuing the trip when everything was settled with her grandmother. We never did, though. She fell in love and I was wandering, trying to find a place in the world where I felt I belonged....little did I know, it was 90's, it was in to belong nowhere! ROFL...anyway, a friend invited me to a pow wow...wow, is right. I had never experienced such a positive energy, such a peaceful gathering. There were thousands of indians, of many tribes, dressed in bragalia, dressed in jeans, spreading love and educating about their culture. I was standing by the flat bread vendor, visually drinking in every drop, when an older man approached me. He asked if I were native american, I explained my roots. He told me he was the chief of his tribe and asked if I would like to meet his wife. I agreed, and he took me to his teepee...which was incredibly decorated...what an experience. He left me with his wife, she shared herbs in her hooka with me and we sat in the teepee and talked the day away. She took my hand and looked deep into my eyes for what seemed an eternity. Then, (complete paraphrase, but you'll get the gist) that I have wind in my eyes, and I will always wander unless I find a way to ride the winds to betterment instead of allowing them to sweep me in. I remember gazing back at her, trying to absorb what she articulating to me. Youth, naivity, will ...not sure which to blame it on, but I spent the day with those words in mind trying to battle them. Trying to find a way to prove to her I hadn't been swept by the wind at all. That night, she and the chief invited me to have dinner with them and sit around the fire at the teepee, enjoying stories and music. I sat and listened to stories and felt the music, the effect of the herbs from the peace hooka, and I realized she was exactly right. I had been swept, swept through many years with no destination other than making it through the day. This lady gave me the largest gift I have ever received, the ability to recognize a strength in a free spirit...as well as the weakness.