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This Could Take Awhile. I Had Better Find My Glasses.

there we are.

It took awhile to get here and when ti did it was violent and forceful. See i've been called my whole life by the women I persue "too sweet" and I have to poiint out that these women are mostly (mostly) the product of their culture and not their free will. They gauge me as too sweet based on experience and not based on actual opinion. That it so say that the world is a cruel place to many people myself included and that if I'mj too sweet that is a relative concept.

I started here.I said I really needed someone else. I was not sure why it was not happening because as much as I wanted them I was not angry when i got rejected, just sad. Well I found myself asking why I expect he worst in others and I found myself finally bubbling forward from inside that I don't. I simply expected more of them because while everyone else sees humans as blemished and dark I See them as vibrant colors of light. Everything is perception and my framing of myself as a pesismist has encouraged it. The truth is I'm disappointed. I see people struggle for a better life but then they self sabotage and i have realized now mankind is more afraid of his own success than his potential failure. I guess it's because if we are capable then it means we're to blame for our continued suffering. We've tried to move on and break the cycle so many times only to throw ourselves back into it because we're terrifed of change.


Well I'm not scared anymore. The thing Is that I just want to be uninhibited. I just want to be able to go up to a stranger and throw my arms around them in a hug or play music like this...

I was told awhile ago that I do not speak my heart but my mind enough. That my heart thinks in images and music and not words, maybe those images cna be described but the mind is not it.

 
I see images like this. I don't even know who Lindsay is but I know I want to give this stranger a hug, maybe even a kiss.

I see things in my head like splashing someone like this who was just friendly enough with water in a stream and laughing about it. I would love to be that impulsive, to do that and act on every impulse. To just kiss them after this, to have that anxiety attack I KNOW I'll be having while I'm waiting to see their reaction but LOVE The fear, the feeling of being alive, young, and terrified.

See I've been under the dark night of he soul for 5 ******* years and what's coming out now is an unmitigated and unapologetic phoenix... no more. No more inhibition. I hope. I hope I can live like that.

Perhaps this violates people's "personal space" but the world is full of too many damn walls and that is not how love really is. I will blow your theory apart, to pieces.



Sun in Aries, Moon In Taurus, Rising In Leo.... Mercury in Pisces, Jupiter in Pisces. Embrace the impulse and the HOPELESS ROMANTIC WITH A HEART OF GOLD.

Wreckless, unapolagetic. That's who I want to be.




ManifestoOfThePhoenix ManifestoOfThePhoenix 26-30, M Aug 15, 2012

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