Revenge. When It Is Not Enough

I am still working on destroying my nemesis duo. Even though they are beneath me they took something that was mine. They got the upper hand when I was weak. They betrayed me. And for that there is no going back. I have had fleeting fantasies of torturing them and killing them. And that is where the fantasy ends as it leaves me unfufilled. I do not want such a short time of punishment. To kill them is to allow them to escape pain. And pain is what they need to feel. Every time I think that killing them would make my world right I am reminded that I am the first person of interest in an investigation. I do the math and think that 80% of murders go unsolved. But one hair, one blood speck and my comfortable life would be over. I picture myself in a jail cell asking myself WTF? How could I have been so stupid? Arrogence leads to prison. I would not like prison.

My anger never subsides. I have a real life, I have real people and real things to do. And underneath it all is the need to bring them to a point of humiliation that they are unable to recover from. I am still working on this.

For over a year and a half I have been working on this. It is a fun project when things are going my way. It enrages me when they are not. But I have made so much progress. Their life, their identity has been shattered. I have turned their child against them. This is sweet but not enough. I contemplate that this situation could reverse at any moment and all will be lost. This does not sit well with me.

I need more.

If I engage in a reign of terror then I will alienate their child who is my instrument in punishment. So I sit here frustrated. I contemplate my next move....... And I remain angry. Always with a smile on my face and a helping attitude I remain angry with bad intentions.
plmay plmay
1 Response May 25, 2012

Seems like you suffered a lot. Pain?