I'm Tired

I'm so tired of keeping up the pretenses around others, it's exhausting!!

Each day my skin crawls the minute I come into contact with anyone, and yet there I am happy, bubbly, smiling, laughing at what the cattle say to me.

Everyone is so busy writing and researching what makes a psychopath, who is a psychopath and how do they spot them, that they never actually stop to think whether they should start prodding and poking us with their questions. I mean really, if we are whatthey say we are surely they would want to be as far away from us as possible?

It's bad enough that we have to endure their excruitatingly dull chatter, day in, day out, let alone start trying to 'fix' and 'help us' , honestly it's exhausting and draining on an ordinary day, let alone when something of slight interest happens.

They don't even begin to comprehend the sheer amount of will power it takes for me to smile at them without snapping, but no they want to engage me and listen to me and experience me...blah blah blah.

You know the funniest thing that occurs to me, is that they just don't know what they looking at. Their just making hypothetical guesses about personality disorders to help them come to terms with the fact that although we are genetically the same, we couldn't be further removed from them as a species - thats the truth of it, the fear us and so they try to understand us and subsequently control us.

It's not about us! it's about them!, Leave us alone, don't talk to us, we don't want to hear about your weekend, I don't care what your kid did at school, truly if I have to hear about your holiday or the weather once more your going to 2trip2 down a flight of stairs next time you visit the bathroom lol

All in all I'm just tired of functioning, and why should we, surely we have just as much right to exist how we want, as they do? Is it not the right of every sentient being to want to live free? - So why is there way right and my thought process wrong?

Sorry to rant on people, but the real ones of you on here will know exactly what I'm talking about, and so we just keep plodding on until we either snap and spend the rest of our days in a small cell, take an overdose or worse and just keep putting our foot one in front of the other until retirement.

They;ve just never stopped to consider just how hard it is, to pretend to be one of them.
jackdaw1978 jackdaw1978
31-35
8 Responses Jan 22, 2013

Hello Jack the ******** or whatever your name is.

If you are too tired too function why dont you just do us a favour and kill yourself?

Though your pity party is kind of entertaining. Poor pseudopath.

Grüße

Interesting fact, MOKSHA is almost the same as psychopathy. your welcome

The only reason other people bother you so much is because you still care too much about what they think of you.

you are right.

I totally understand what you mean. They think this is a disease which can be cured with some medication. I don't consider myself sick in any way. Only because we dare to have an other outlook on life, doesn't mean it is a wrong one. Only because we couldn't care less about things that they do care about, doesn't mean we are cold. Just because some of us act upon the images we see ourselvs do to the people around us, doesn't give they any right to treat us like **** and say we are sick! I'm damn tired of living in the shadows! One of these days I'm going to snap for sure.

Why do you pretend to be interested? Noone is forcing you to pretend to be interested in another's weekend. Just be YOU and don't be ashamed of who you are. I'm sort of like you but I would not consider myself a psychopath. I'm an environmental activist but I couldn't care less about sheeple's holidays or whatever lame *** bull **** they're talking about but I don't try to pretend being interested either. Some people feel offended but ey that's not my problem!

I find interacting with others to be the most exhausting task. People always invite me out. I try to tell them I'm an introvert. And that I don't care to socialize that much. They don't believe me because I put on such a good show when I am around others.

Always saying and doing the right dance. But I am so drained from faking it all the time. I find myself moody and grumpy if I have to be around others for too long. And that just makes it more draining to put on the show. The amount of self control I have to exert is insane.

I know that it is really in my best interest to keep up appearances. I need networks and associates in this life to get ahead. But keeping up the social game is way harder than all the schooling and studying I've done.

i stand by you 100%. it sickens me how everyone sees us as test subjects and they dont even know who we are. Each day i come closer to the breaking point, this morning i almost did.... i was ready to kill him, i had motive, and my anger was through the roof. I threw him against the table and he walked away. One persons suspects my psychopathia and this person has known the fake me for about 2 years. I did not mind talking to her before and i never pictured a knife going straight through her heart but she read a book about psychopaths and took some class and all of a sudden she thinks me a psychopath.... she wants to know everything in the mind of a psychopath... i am just about done, i grow tired of keeping my mask and costume on. Ever since the last bit of emotion left which was a slight joy left, i have been so empty.

If your are not able to hide away from others what you think is your true nature you must be dump.
I did never think I would see a bunch of crappy pseudopath bunching up in internet-sites to tell each other how tired they are of the general population and of noone really knowing you think you truely are.

The world is so mean and nobody understands you poor pseudopathic-guys, was?

What a drama.

I kinda understand how you are feeling *hug*.

I'm different than a lot of people, just more like I live to make a difference in this world. A lot of people talk about trivial things like their weekend or what their kid did. I mean, that is great, and I don't mind hearing about it, but I think we could have a better world that EVERYONE would want to live in, if we all worked on accepting and supporting each other, if we all worked at fixing things before they become a problem. Give shelter to homeless people, adopt kids, pick up litter off the ground, feed a hungry animal, anything that really gives life meaning should be more about what gets talked about. It's too easy to just take advantage of things and just enjoy life, but it takes courageous and passionate people to get out there, and also inspire others to wipe fake grins off their faces and to actually face true, hard cold realities about this world, and plan what we can do to make things truly happier, and not just bandaged over"

You are a unique individual and I can understand others not getting the fact that you have something "different" to offer the world. What are you passionate about, and what do you want to contribute positively to this world?

Thanks for your comments and I do apprciate your point of view, though we are most definately the opposite ends of the spectrum.

Unfortunately I'm quite blank when it comes to emotions, and I can only gauge they are correct by how others react and interact with me. So I'm not looking to make the world better, just make others accept that although my thoughts and behaviours are not what society deems as acceptable, I have just as much right to them as everyone else.

I don;t see right wrong like others or the law, they just mean nothing to me and so I know that when I'm violent to others it relaxes me, like how beign nice for others makes them happy.

There is too much empthasis and pressure on individuals to behave acceptably, yet to me hurting someone that irritates or gets in my way is acceptable to me. I don't tell others what si right or wrong or how to live their lives, yet the law and society feel it is acceptable to tell me how I should live by their standards.

The truth is it's just scared weak people banding together to impose their will on individuals like myself by strength of numbers. How can we be free or democratic when the majourity dictates how the minority should live!

It was immoral and illegal when slavery was imposed on black people, but because my differences are not visibile and by way of thought processes and behaviours it's fine for soceity call me a criminal or a pyschopath.

The fact is that it's human nature to be sociable but that will always bring about conflict and by not embracing our conflicting sides and violent emotions we supress a very natural and instinctive part of our personalities.

To answer your question, I am passionate about violence and art, I am always happiest when I'm drawing or fighting, that is the truth, whether socially acceptable or not.

I've never fought with a person or stranger for no reason and whether i won or lost was irrelevant the feeling and adrenalin was like an awakening. I only ever find this same feeling when I draw.

Sorry that my reply is a lot more darker and different to yours, I respect that you think the way you do and hoep you cna accept me for my ways.

Hi Ace,

Thansk for the reply, and I totally get your lack of feelings as I've always thought being a hitman would be the perfect job for similar reasons:

1. Good money
2. You don't work in an office or social enviroment so keep your own company
3. I have absolutely no moral compass, so killing men, women, children would not be an issue in the slightest.

Unfortunately real life is nothing like the movies and so no actual hitmen jobs are available i believe lol - i maybe mistaken, infact contact me if you have any lol.

I hear what your saying about not pretending to the extremes and staying aloof, unfortunately I found early on that hiding in plain sight is the best camoflage and so now everyone who knows me expects me to behave ina certain way and staying quiet and un-opinionated would raise suspicions or at least questions.

Although my social circle are well groomed and I don't fin that pretense a burden, probably because it's not all day every day like work is.

The work enviroment is whats tiring me out, and I have to focus on keeping up my charade at all times, so I dont slip - I've snapped with and hurt a former colleague and had to change jobs previously so i have to keep my guard up.

Infact i've slipped a couple fo times during my life and very narrowly avoid prison time, which as i am led to believe by local police has me on certain watch lists for my political opinions. However the cat and mouse games with police are what really make it all worhtwhile - by knowing if anyhting happens in certain places/people/situations that I would be the number one suspect just drives me that much harder to perfect my abilities.

It is only the daily mundane situations that seem to sap my resolve.

noone really seems to understand how much effort it takes being like us! - for example a woman in my office was crying a couple fo months of ago as her dad had died.....I didnt feel a thing, well except for utter revulsion that she would cry in public infront of everyone, but as everyone was comforting her i had to join in or would have been the only one stood there watching and not doing anything. BUt listening to her whinge and cry made me physically gag in my throat - seriously how would i be in the wrong for not breaking her ******* neck there and then! Honestly she was weak and mewling and it was disgusting!

But oh wait yes, thats right society says it's fine for people to be weak and vunerable and pathetic, but if anyone dares see the cattle for waht they treally are, excuses of an existance, then we're in the blame! Yet we have just a smuch right to be who we are, as that snivelling wreck in the corner!

As you can see it's the frustration of having hide who I am that gets to me most of all!

So the fact of the matter is that the weak have formed social pressure groups to protect themselves and subjogate the strong! We are outcast for not having feelings and everyone says being a psychopath is a bas thing! - but why is it? it's just a different state of thinking and living than the majourity, so as the minority we are chastised and outcast.

I've always acknowledged the existance of the law and the penalties that come with it, but as I had absolutely no say in the making of those laws or who enforces them, then I simply ignore them as they don't apply to me _ or anyone for that matter.

We were just born, we were never given an option about living under the law or paying taxes, we were just told we had too......err well no i dont want to!

Maybe we should star tour own hitman business together? lol

"What are you passionate about, and what do you want to contribute positively to this world?"

As one of the key characteristics for psychopaths is "pathological lying" how could u even dare to think you might get an honest answer?

Psychopaths must be killed. A funny think to do.