Realizing The Truth Has Made Me Free

It certainly is strange to be perceived as a female by everyone else when inside your head you are a guy. In the culture we live in, while most people are finally accepting alternative sexualities, they are meanwhile still so ignorant of the complexities of gender identity. I feel that in the future, people will have a better understanding of gender identity.

Personally, I enjoy the inherent power of looking female but being male-minded. It is my superpower, my secret from the rest of the world, even from my boyfriend, whom everyone thought was gay until we started dating. I am proud to be anatomically female, even though it can feel awkward using the women's restroom or being expected to wear a fancy dress at a wedding. It is amusing that when I feel like I am cross-dressing, other people, like my mom, love seeing me so girled up. I never wear make-up, hate shaving my legs, and rarely wear feminine clothing. I can't stand hanging out with most girls because I have nothing in common with them. Whenever I get close to guys as friends, they end up falling for me or hitting on me. My boyfriend likes me just the way I am, which is why we work so well together. He knows I will be the bread-winner and he will be the househusband. My family doesn't get that at all, but who cares? They know it is what I want.

I have struggled with watching a number of my ex-girlfriends have sex changes from being female to male, because I always enjoyed their company since we were so similar. Now they are just guys, which changes my perception of them. However, they are so much happier now than ever.

I want to encourage all of you reading this to be comfortable in your own skin, regardless of how your brain thinks. If you really feel that you need to world to perceive you as male in order to be happy, then maybe a sex change would be the right choice. I did struggle for many years with finding my identity. Now that I have pinpointed the "problem", I see it as an advantage over everyone else. I feel like I have the best of both worlds.

I have a vision that someday, I could explain to someone I just met, "I'm inner-male" or something, and they'll just know what that means and treat me like a guy after that.

Just be yourself. Let everyone else try to figure you out.  
michaelmraz michaelmraz
22-25
1 Response Sep 9, 2012

Thanks so much for your story! All of your ideas are so similar to mine, especially the one where I get close to guy friends but they just fall for me... sigh! I like to pretend I'm a guy physically sometimes and dressing pretty feels fun, like cross dressing :p