Would Life Have Been Better As A Man?

Every single night I cant sleep because of the pain of being alone. Did you know that your brain processes the emotional pain of heartache/being alone as PHYSICAL pain, not emotional pain? Mine is very bad. It usually starts 2 to 3 hours before I go to bed every night, then I lay there awake, unable to sleep because of how sad I am from the loneliness and how bad it hurts, for a few more hours. I always wake up exhausted and sometimes even depressed. Waking up depressed is the worst feeling in the world, even more than being alone. I haven't gotten a good night's sleep since middle school, which was around 9 years ago. I often times think about losing my virginity and being a ***** just so I'm not alone. I know that that is stupid, and sex isn't love, but when having NOTHING hurts this bad, a warm body in bed is SOMETHING, which is better than nothing ): After that I often ask myself if life would have been better if I was born the way I was supposed to have been born, as a male. Would I have been a happy and cheery guy in high school just like I was as a girl? Would I have worked out a lot and gone snow boarding with the guys? Would I have had a loving boyfriend who never let me get eating alive by loneliness? Would I not have worried so much about the mainstream issues a girl struggles with in highschool like being fake to be beautiful, being perfect, the right clothes, the blonde ******* bringing you down, always fitting in, not having a boyfriend, still being a virgin, not having my first kiss yet? Would the horrible and sometimes unspeakable things that happened to me in life as a girl, not have happened to me? One thing is for sure, I would have been happy. I would have made sure I found a guy who loves me, and I loves back, who helped me grow as a person as much as I did him, who always made me smile and feel warm, who was very good at cuddling and snuggling under the covers at night. Good luck my fellow EP goers who life didn't treat quite right.
instantquack instantquack
18-21, F
Jan 24, 2013