Only Just Figured It Out
I'm a feminine, slight, curvaceous woman who played with dolls as a kid and likes to dress pretty.
Another reason to know why I am female, or have female sexuality is that I doodle figure 8's (hourglass figures) and eyes. These are known to be ex
However as a kid I hung out with boys. I was so unhappy that I went to a single sex high school because I had to be "friends" with girls and there were no guys to hang out with. I just couldn't relate to the other girls. I was a late developer so didn't have any sexual feeling toward men until I was about 18. I have never had sexual feelings towards women.
When I take brain gender tests I come out male. Many people both male and female friends tell me I am not like other women. I never really know what they mean by that. I am attracted to men, I like everything about a man's body and sexually that is what turns me on. To me there is nothing sexually arousing about a woman's body except what I see of myself in it. I have just come out of an 18 year marriage to a very 'female' man. At first this seemed to work well. Then I guess he became uncomfortable with not being alpha and it stopped working. I am not attracted at all to the typical hairy alpha guy. They don't seem to be attracted to me either.
I guess I am some kind of gay man trapped in a woman's body. I don't want to have a man's body I am happy with the body I have. I just have a man's brain and a man's heart, and that doesn't seem to sit well with manly men.
One of my closest friends is a man (I was his best woman at his wedding). At one time when he was adolescent he thought he was gay, but he grew out of it and is happily straight. But in many ways he is my mirror image, a highly functioning masculine man with a female brain, in the way I am a highly functioning feminine woman with a man's brain.
Nowadays, since becoming a mother I make much better women friends and I am happy for that. But even my close women friends are happy to say they value me for my "non-female" qualities.
Single again I would like to find another man. But I need a man who can relate to me, who likes my body to be feminine sexy, but my mind to be male - is that possible?