Choices

For the past three months or so I've been trying to decide what to do about my body. I've never been comfortable with it, especially my breasts. It's been so long since I've had an actual bra that I don't even know what cup size I am (guessing a B.) For years now I've only worn my binder or sports bras. I'd say about 90% of the time strangers refer to me as male. I've also asked a few of my very close friends and my partner to start using male pronouns around me.

But what I've really been thinking about are hormones. Should I go on them? I love the idea of being a "real" guy complete with facial hair, more muscle mass, and a deep voice. Right now when I pass as male, most people treat me like a 14 year old boy. I'm not a boy, at age 26 I'm a man. 

Like most of you I have some reservations about it. Hormones have some negative side affects, and I wouldn't be able to hide who I am to the people who would not accept me. And without them I do pass as male, just an adolescent one.  

I've also been thinking about top surgery. I hate my breasts and would love to have a totally flat chest. But again, surgery is a major and expensive thing. I've heard of guys getting breast reduction as opposed to full blown top surgery. But how great would it be to go to the pool wearing swim trunks instead of swim trunks, a sports bra, and a t-shirt?! 

I don't know I don't know I don't know!!!

wansu wansu
22-25, T
2 Responses Mar 9, 2010

I totally understand what you are going through. I am having the same struggles. I wish I had answers for you. Just know that if you need someone to talk to I am here.That is one of my dreams not having anything on top when I go swimming. I think if you decide to have top surgery I would go for the full thing. why go through all of that time and money to get half of a result.

Hi wansu, it's good to hear from you. :) I know what you mean—I would really like to get rid of my breasts. Having a flat chest would be so great. Please keep me posted on your decisions and progress. I am still planning not to transition, so I know very little about the things you are questioning. I suggest maybe checking out Yahoo Groups. Type FTM into the search or copy and paste this link<br />
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http://groups.yahoo.com/search?query=FTM<br />
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There you can look for an FTM group near you—or even if there isn't a group close by, you can still join one. They talk a lot about transitioning and T and surgery and the legal process of name/gender changes. There are many guys in the groups who have completely gone through everything you are curious about, so give them a look and maybe they can help.<br />
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Here's a neat tip I learned. You know men shave their face most every day—the ones who are smooth, I mean—and so a giveaway of a female face is peach fuzz. Even if one has no "visible" hair, a female face still has that soft down on it. So I started shaving every few days. It makes my face feel and look smoother, because it exfoliates the dry and dead skin cells away, plus I like doing it.