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Love Her So Much It Hurts...and No1 Can Help

I never knew i swinged both ways until a druken encounter with my mate...she was in my uni class and we shared the same university halls...it was a plesant experience, as u all will know ;-) (that was my first experience)
Anyways on a more serious note...i am truly madly and deeply in love with my girlfriend for over just 2years,that I met firstly at work..we really clicked and formed a very good frienship. whilst we were just friends back then she was going out with a married man who has kids (her cousin) and I was with going out with my boyfriend.. and i was in love with him that we decided to get married and we had a registered marriage (as i am indian this is not really seen as a marriage without any indian formalities, so we wernt living together and we were awaiting the indian ceremony). Then one day me and my mate went to a party and the unexpected happened...got drunk and made out...this was her first experience and for me my second. After 3 years I had contact with a female and it felt so good! Things felt so awkward the next day and we both decided to put it behind us..part of me felt good and part felt bad coz i was legally married but nonetheless started 2 realise that i had feelings for my mate. Flirting started and we even went on holiday 2gether...it was awesome ..so i was having an affair and she was having an affair but i couldnt stop myself but knew it had to stop for the sake of legal status. the more i hung around with her i was happy and the less happy i was feeling around him. Did not know what to do and the wedding was approaching..so much expectations especially when ur asian! I did try to stop this affair but we both realised we were in love with each other and out of love with our partners...anyways i managed to break free from the guy i was legally married to after delaying the marriage once and knew it was for the best as i would messed his life up...and i personally would not have been happy..plus there were loads of family issues...bottom line is she is in contact with her X and I am not...i trust her completly but I dont trust him as he still has feelings for her...and although she dont see him in this way i still get insecure at times but i have learnt to except this over the 2 years that i have been with my gf...
the thing is we really love each other but we are a secret....we work 2gether but have 2 remain professional....try and escape for a night 2gether when we can...but as we are asian its not expected of us...it would rip the family apart as families r not broadminded....we cant run away as we would lose our families and they have done a lot for us...and now again we get marriage proposals from family members that we keep rejecting...so what do we do to be together..people r beginning to talk and saying u should settle down know and find a man but little do they know what I am going through or what my situation is...all my friends are happily married......what future is there for us? My gf always says live for the moment but i struggle with that concept because seriously how long can this go for? I dont want to break up but i contemplating it but the thought of that is unbearable and all i see is destruction and depression and I dont want to hurt her? Im glad i have poured it out on here and have shared my experience...only god knows now..thankyou for reading..if any1 can relate please do x
dip69 dip69 26-30 4 Responses Sep 2, 2010

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Man i wish i could find someone here in the us to love me like i love them. But u what you have is special dont loose it please

I know it’s too way complicated!<br />
About me she knows about my feelings! And I feel that she loves me back… But the problem is that I keep running away from her, and I don’t know the reason why!<br />
I guess it’s over!!<br />
I wish you all the luck, and I hope you figure a better way to work it out.

Hi misgaga, thankyou for ur feedback. you have a great idea of me trying to be happy but I think it would be a huge gamble for me to get married and have my partner...you see i am emotional mentally and physically attached and the thought of being married and carrying on this current relationship would probably tear me apart...it would be like a love triangle all over again...i am not a lesbian and bisexual...we dont get drunk to do the physical things...to be honest...i have decided to carry on for now as normal because we are both in love and don't want to lose something really precious to me. Whatever the future holds I will have to deal with....its really horrible position tho to be in. With regards to you I think its really cute...do u think u can tell her? but u r not sure of what her reaction might be right..i know u dont want to lose a friend but if u dnt ask you will never know and at least it will be of ur chest. I think once you know how she feels towards you, you can then <br />
live and move forward with your life...sorry but this is my best advice

I understand the pain you r going through, because I’m in love with a girl, and that kinda love is forbidden in my and her family, we live in a Gulf country. Nobody knows about my feelings and it’s killing me. We just finished our study and she is really pretty, I’m afraid that any proposal will come up soon and she’ll be getting married! Specially that the traditions of her family says that girls should get married in an early age!!! If I were a guy I wouldn’t think twice to propose to her, and this thought freaks me out! <br />
When I think this through I reach one point… As u said we can’t run away, we don’t have that kinda freedom. I think that the only answer left is to let things go in its normal way. I mean by that getting married like all the girls do, BUT not to end your relationship with your girlfriend. <br />
I don’t think that this will be considered as cheating or having an affair!!! As long as you keep your love relationship just about feelings and compassion not sex!” May I ask here do u usually make out or just when you are drunk??”<br />
A lot of women live this way, they are married, and they have love crush on their girlfriends! From my point of view: if you and your girlfriend skipped marriage you’ll not be happy in the long term. U know why?? Because you are not lesbians!! “” or do u consider you’re self a lesbian???” .you’ve had straight relationships plus that you’ll never be able to form a public relationship with her or to live together, so the simple answer is to live and form a normal family with having your girlfriend by your side to love her and to care about her! Nothing wrong with that! Love is always a good thing and some compassion between you and your friends will not harm anyone, in some point I think it’s kinda healthy because women are so sensitive and they have an emotional and care needs that men can’t satisfy... and they also have some needs that women can’t satisfy!! so what is the problem of satisfying all my needs and live my life happily?!<br />
Give me your opinion, I need it to.