"Before I Met You I Never Knew What It Was Like To Look At Someone And Smile For No Reason :)"

It all started last March . When I met HER. At first, I had thought she was malicious and gossipy, but after seeing her every day at school and at soccer pratice, I started seeing her differently. I started seeing how caring she is, how gorgeous she is, and she is all around one of the nicest, most sincere, all around genuine person I have know.   

Right off the bat, I felt differently towards her. Heck, I've never felt this way about anyone (boy or girl). I had never questioned my sexuality before I met her, but once I found out she was gay, I started to imagine what it would be like to be with her. Til this day, she still frustrates and confuses the crap out of me.  I found it harder and harder to suppress my feelings. By June, I had told her that I felt differently towards her but I wasn't sure about anything. When really what I had wanted to say was OHMYGOSH I am crazy about you!!!! Safe to say, I watered it down. A  LOT. I was very nervous, and this is the first time I was telling ANYONE I was questioning my sexuality. We sat at lunch and we talked about it for a good half-hour. That was the last time we talked about it. 

That is, until this past March. I could no longer supress my feelings. I felt like I was exploding inside, every time I saw her. She makes me so nervous. My one friend who knew texted me "When you love someone and you bite your tounge, all you get is a mouthful of blood." That gave me the push i needed.
So that morning I pulled her aside, sat her down an said "funny thing-you are so good at reading me (i'm not  sure if thats because I'm an open book, or you're just really good at reading people). But I can't get over the fact that you can't look at me and see how absolutely crazy I am about you". She leaned in really close - my heart was pounding- and said that she" truly cares about me, but she doesn't think of anyone that way because she's so busy, and she really doesn't think we will ever be more that friends because she doesn't think our feelings will be mutual. But that she really enjoys our friendship".

So to this day we are still friends. But I am heart broken. I can't imagine myself feeling this way about anyone else! She is so amazing. Sometimes when she says hi to me in the hallway or we talk at soccer practice, I could just die. I realllly enjoy having her in my life--but I am so devistated. It is sooo hard to just be friends with someone who when everytime you see them-hear their voice, hear them say your name--your heart meltss and you fall in love all over again.

I guess the point of my story is that if the person who you like is a true friend and they really value your friendship, if you tell them how you feel then they should handle it well.  A true friend won't let it get in the way of their friendship. I don't regret telling her--I only that she doesn't feel the same for me. so follow your heart :)  Dont let "what if" haunt you.  Best of luck to everyone!!
rxcsoccerstar rxcsoccerstar
22-25, F
3 Responses Apr 30, 2011

Hahaha what for? :)

thank u so much

that must be so frustrating for you. i can relate to this because i feel the same way about my bestfriend but there's almost no way of us ever getting together because, i don't want to risk our friendship..and also i dont think she feels as strongly for me as i do for her.<br />
so it's just unlucky i think, and yeah youre last paragraph is very true and some good advice:)<br />
i think if you manage to get over this girl you'll end up finding someone even more amazing than her!