Always Have Been.....

The problem is, I am not good at taking. I have always supported and helped others and always been there in times of need.
I have told this story many a time on EP but I have a sister who is mentally ill. My parents are in denial so its been me who has had to carry the weight of it all. I have no friends and am single and the weight of it all got too much for me the other week so I told a co worker. I have known her years and always supported and helped her so it wasn't just a random person.
She came up to see me in work and asked about my sister and saw I was about to cry. So she called me over to her and then cuddled me for ages. We had a long chat but even now I am feeling guilty over it all. She is a lot older so I know she could handle the subject matter but I kind of feel bad for bringing her into it even though this is irrational as she has involved me in a lot of her and her families personal problems. I feel guilty when someone gives me their time and support and I wonder where that stems from. Perhaps it's because I am used to always being the strong one and dealing with others problems and ALWAYS coping alone with my own issues.
I wish I could relax and let myself be supported. I also wish that I could allow myself to be looked after and cared for as surely it's my right? I give so much to others and deserve some back. I just need to convince myself of that and make myself believe that I am worthy of others time and care.
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2 Responses May 18, 2012

Hi Jenni,
I see its been a while since you've posted this story. I hope that you have come to cope with this lately. I understand oh-too-well what it is like to give and give. Some people are just takers, we are what we are, but it is still important to find our Zen, our Yin to our Yang if you will. Stay strong my dear, and don't forget how you make others feel. Maybe that's all you need to "take."

~your friend

You are doing so well Jenni!!!! Hugs!!!! Keep writing, this is very good for you. xx