Give and Give and Give...

I am a giver.  So much, in fact, that I often consider the wants and needs of my friends and family over my own.  Most wouldn't see this as an issue per se, but being this way has often made me feel like I'm neglecting my own needs and also makes me resent those, at times, who I've given to in the past who don't do likewise to me when I'm in need.  Often, if things take a bad turn for me and I fail to see it coming (or saw it coming, but didn't do anything about it), it angers me when people tell me that I don't pay attention enough to things.  Is it because I'm too busy watching over them to watch over myself?  And if that's the case, how come they didn't help me when I needed it?
carlow carlow
41-45, M
6 Responses Jul 15, 2007

I'll bet you are a myers-briggs type ISFJ or close to it. I neglect my own needs sometimes. It took me a long time to even get to this point. Now, I'm better, I do for myself what I need, and let others take care of themselves...

You have no qualms about being a "giver" and no false humility about accepting it. What a rare combination! <br />
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You are a rare and genuine man, Carlow. Do not lose sight of the big picture by asking the wrong questions. The question is not "Is it because I'm too busy watching over them to watch over myself? And if that's the case, how come they didn't help me when I needed it?" The question is, why are you a giver? <br />
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If you are a giver because you EXPECT (the spring of all sorrow on earth!) something in return, you expect people to be grateful, you expect the world to be fair -- then you are in fact not a giver. On the other hand, if you are a giver because it is your nature to give and you cannot be any other way, then you should have no regrets when people don't reciprocate. The fact that you had the greatness and generosity to give is your reward. You should neither expect nor get anything else or more. <br />
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It is a privilege to be able to give without expectation of return. You are half-way there, my friend, now just take the next step and redeem your privilege. <br />
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Cheers.<br />
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Imanain in India.

One thing it took me a long time to realise is that generosity (be it of love, spirit or affection) has two sides - the act of giving and the act of receiving. Both take effort and application, I've discovered. The art of being receptive to aid is not easy, and not something I am good at either, but I think it has to begin like any other skill. Begin small, accept small help. It is not sensible to expect aid in times of need of big help if someone is not used to giving you little bits of aid. The issue of not seeing things coming, I feel, is unrelated to the generosity issue, insofar as it is centred entirely within you, and best dealt with separately so as not to confuse the matter.

Ahh well, I suppose they have taken you for granted. Friends & family should be the first ones to notice that you need help...and that you don't like asking for it :p But I guess they think that you are strong and don't need help...yeah, it happens. So maybe you should pluck up your courage and let them know that you are human too.

But what do you do when you feel it's "your turn"? I've never been good about asking for help from friends and family when it should be obvious to them... *sigh*.

Life is about bearing one another burdens...lending/giving a hand, a shoulder or your wallet. I suppose you are one of those rare persons who give all; pour out comfort and compassion to all. Yep! rare indeed.