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Not Fair

I recently married a wonderful man, let me start with that. He has been married before, more than once, and it seems for that reason I am not accepted by his family. I tried in the beginning to connect with his Mother, trying to make her feel secure, I am very family oriented and wanted to make sure she knew that she was not going to be neglected by my being in her sons life, on the contrary i wanted us to be a family. From the beginning i was met with resistance, and when we got engaged all hell broke loose! I was told to my face that i better not have a wedding because no one would come! I was hurt! I understood that she had gotten emotionally attached with the previous wife and she feared losing again someone she cared for but,that was no reason to tell me that the family did not wanted to have anything to do with me, "nothing personal we just dont care to invest time in someone who wont last"
I feel to have been treated disrespectfully, told many other mean things, things i dont want to discuss.

My husband did not talk to his family for this reason for months and we never visited because of the animosity. But.....when his father passed (6mo ago) now my husband has this sense of responsibility to be there for his mom, which I understand to a certain extent. I know that it is his mom and he should be there for her if she needs something, but he is having lunches and i hear him laughing with her, as if all is well....I feel betrayed :( my father died 3 months prior to his yet his family did not give me nor my children condolences. I am hurt and like i said feel betrayed.

I have spoken to my husband about how i feel and he just says he is caught between a rock and a hard place. I do get it he has to help her, its just that i feel he has now a relationship with his Mom that excludes me, and i guess i feel she doesnt deserve it,,, I want to get past these feelings of hurt, i feel left out, and disrespected. I know there is no way to change the situation, and honestly I dont want a relationship with her, I guess what i want is for him to not have a "friendly" relationship with her (silly i know) I feel he is letting her get away with not accepting the marriage. She wins, she gets what she wants. Her son with her, a good relationship with him regardless of the disrespect.Not Fair!
I need to let go, and not allow her to get in the way of my marriage (that would make her happy) Any advice?
soulhealer222 soulhealer222 46-50 1 Response Mar 23, 2011

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Honestly, if his mom matters more to him than you; you've got a problem. He's neglecting you and not even attempting to make his mother see you as a part of their lives; seeing as how you're apparently hidden away while they have lunches together. It's a ridiculous situation, and you need to end it.