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I Am A Good Person! I Am!

I'm often nasty and vindictive and rarely forgive. I am selfish and self-absorbed.

Wow, I may have chosen the wrong group, huh?

No! I didn't. I'm just damaged goods. Damaged at the hands of others. Through the years, I enabled myself to deal with the help of the minds defense mechanism. Refusal, amnesia, disregard..Post traumatic stress disorder- Call it what you want. My mind knew that if I fully realized, accepted and mourned, It would forever change me. A consequence of healing that I was unwilling to allow.

Years later, as an adult, when lesser versions of the hurt continued to be inflicted upon me, I became increasingly irritated of the fact that this could happen to someone who never intentionally set out to hurt another human being. Someone who did not yet have the qualities that I mentioned above.

I am always conscience of others' feelings. I entertain, miscommunication, ignorance and preconceived ideas as obstacles to overcome when dealing with others and make every effort to show my concern, consideration and acceptance of others...As I expect in return.

The accumulation of experiences in which "good" people have failed to see the lengths that I go to, to be a "good" person and rarely exert any care to reciprocate has made me an angry person.

Each day and each interaction I have, I enter into with the optimism of a child, a heart filled with genuine love and kindness and a desire to see the best in others. The result is an increasing level of disappointment, pain, foolishness, frustration and anger that is brought out by once again being misjudged, stereotyped, used and treated with a lack of common decency. Although I still begin with a level of optimism each and every time this occurs, my anger and resentment rises further and further to the surface.

It pains me that I have allowed these qualities to be a regular part of me... But, I Know, I am a GOOD person.
fetish27 fetish27 41-45, F 8 Responses May 4, 2011

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Sending Hugs and good wishes to you for a happy New Year. expect nothing and then your expectations will be exceeded. Hugs

I'm sure you've felt at some point that all of this is a test. You're a good person because that's just who you are, and you should not expect the same in return because this world is a cold, nasty place in which we sharpen our teeth in order to defend ourselves. Be nice and just be who you are. Be tough and firm if need be. Always be prepared to battle. But other than that, just smile and move forward. Someone reciprocates your niceness then fine. If not, move on. That's their karma, not yours.

You ARE a good person.

Thank You.

I AM a good person, TY.



Short comings-I have more than a few.



Experience- Much more than I realize, and mostly, not used to help me 'deal' in a less destructive way.



Unfortunately, the damage that has been done has affected my ability to not question 'My God'. As irrational as it sounds, I think the only rational thing to do when continuously being confronted with people that fail to exhibit the same fundamental values of decency-kindness, honesty and concern, you start to question every thing.



Humor- I can find humor in everything, but far too many find humor or enjoy humor at the expense of someone else-and I'm not referring to 'blond jokes,etc', which you have to admit are sometimes quite humorous.



As far as not wasting my time- what are the choices?... Be alone, but confident and true to myself, my God and my values or be with others by either allowing others to influence what my value system should be or becoming so cynical that I sacrifice my identity and hand it over to anger and resentment?



Not a choice anyone should have to make.

I think you are a good person because you are (willing to be - and it is a scarce quality) to be introspective with regard to your possible short comings.

I have a less ideal outlook on people and realise that they are always on the outlook for that 'one better' to go for.

Not cynical,just experienced

I know my God and what makes Him happy,so I don't fall around to please them.Respect,empathy and a sense of personal interest and care- also humor- I f that's not good enough for them

If not . .. hmm,well . . ..:)

I don't know how inspirational I can be, but I'm sure willing to try. Not for everyone. But I think you just might be worth it. Seriously, fetish.... you're awfully hard on yourself, for someone who goes the extra mile every day of her life. I know what it is to wake up and consciously decide to give people every benefit of the doubt in your head.

Thank You!!!



Not only is is hard to decide, I'm not exactly sure what I'm protecting myself from.



Maybe some more hugs,inspiration and rational thoughts and words from you will do the trick!

I know it, too, fetish.



It can be really hard to decide where to put the line between what you're willing to feel and how much you need to protect yourself