I Am A Good Person! I Am!

I'm often nasty and vindictive and rarely forgive. I am selfish and self-absorbed.

Wow, I may have chosen the wrong group, huh?

No! I didn't. I'm just damaged goods. Damaged at the hands of others. Through the years, I enabled myself to deal with the help of the minds defense mechanism. Refusal, amnesia, disregard..Post traumatic stress disorder- Call it what you want. My mind knew that if I fully realized, accepted and mourned, It would forever change me. A consequence of healing that I was unwilling to allow.

Years later, as an adult, when lesser versions of the hurt continued to be inflicted upon me, I became increasingly irritated of the fact that this could happen to someone who never intentionally set out to hurt another human being. Someone who did not yet have the qualities that I mentioned above.

I am always conscience of others' feelings. I entertain, miscommunication, ignorance and preconceived ideas as obstacles to overcome when dealing with others and make every effort to show my concern, consideration and acceptance of others...As I expect in return.

The accumulation of experiences in which "good" people have failed to see the lengths that I go to, to be a "good" person and rarely exert any care to reciprocate has made me an angry person.

Each day and each interaction I have, I enter into with the optimism of a child, a heart filled with genuine love and kindness and a desire to see the best in others. The result is an increasing level of disappointment, pain, foolishness, frustration and anger that is brought out by once again being misjudged, stereotyped, used and treated with a lack of common decency. Although I still begin with a level of optimism each and every time this occurs, my anger and resentment rises further and further to the surface.

It pains me that I have allowed these qualities to be a regular part of me... But, I Know, I am a GOOD person.
fetish27 fetish27
46-50, F
22 Responses May 4, 2011

what a wonderful piece ,
i am just a new member and what you have written ,I can say "snap"
its so nice to see it written dow what I have felt for so long
ty so much for expressing so well xx

Thank you very much. You spend as much time as I have reassuring yourself that despite what outwardly may not seem clear to many who choose the road of superficiality, and you become quite honest with yourself. Must admit that it was a good day for me...being able to accurately express myself with humor and genuine truth. You are NOT alone. :)

So at last people are beginning to grasp that You are a good person. Wait until they discover that You ROCK!!

My kids do...so all is good. I so appreciate the few that have made it a point to make me feel worthy..for that I thank you. It still remains a struggle that a few people close to me (in-laws/husband) that believe the true me is the anger and frustration I express and do not consider the motivations for such behavior. That is slowly killing me, but I fight tooth and nail every day.

Keep fighting the good fight!! Know that You have fans, total strangers that have chanced upon Your writing and discovered the hidden treasure that is You!! Thank you for honoring me with Your friendship!! Thank You for sharing Your thoughts!! Thank You very much!!

I will...no doubt. The honor and pleasure is mine. Funny how your search for such recognition and when it comes feel so honored and undeserving of...;)

2 More Responses

"... With the optimism of a child..." is precisely what I was trying to say in my comments on your other story. I was going to say"innocence", but that blew past me long ago!

That you are a "good person" has become abundantly clear to me...B

misjudged, it happens. stereotyped, I can live with. I probably earned it. use me, I'll use you back. However, treat me with a lack of common human decency, guaranteed I'll snap.

Misjudged...more often than not, stereotyped too, Used, but unaware and unwilling to accept that that could be the case from people I called my friends/family. Treated with a lack of human decency...several times but as un-aceepting as I was of lesser treatment until far too late.

That was a very amazing reading. You seem to be deep. I understand your feelings and sympathies with them. There is people out there making our life difficult, they are from all races, speak all languages and from all nations. We are learning to be good and wise, not to be good and child. Keep strong!

People fail to actually believe there are good people left in this world...depressing actually!

wgy is it that the few bad ones in the world dominate the overwhelming majority of good people

Really you are a good person though you proclaim to think other wise. You appears to be frustrated due some ill treatment in the hands of some indecent members. But the fact remains that there are many who are gentle and trustworthy. Be optimistic.

there are some tools that can be used to help us deal with anger and resentment

do you think you can change ?

In all honesty...No. Although my acknowledgement of that disappoints me greatly. I know that it is for the same reasons I act that way in the first place that prohibits me from thinking that I can change. I unfortunately hang onto the realization that I wouldn't be that way if NOT for the unkind, judgmental treatment by others. A cop out, but it has been too long and too many instances that have taken their toll on me. :(

Too true, unfortunately in this day and age a lot of people see other people through stereotypes. But I am glad to see that there are more 'good' people than expected of today.

Thank you and may you have a fabulous day :)

I believed that you were a good person who has been through much before reading this, and now I see you are virtuous far beyond me to have experienced you pain and sorrow and still show compassion to others like you do is far better than I could do. I now believe that you are a great person.

Thank you so much...as much as I "claim" to know it...It helps alot to hear it from others. :)

Only telling the truth m'lady.

Very refreshing to read , you put your self out bare and opened yourself up for the world to see ........ Honest and straight ....... Thank you for placing your feelings on paper so to speak ! Yes you are a good person a bad person would never do anything like this ...... Much respect to you ........ Fetish27 ..... Have a great day

For the last 10 minutes I have attempted to simplify my response to your comment while fully expressing the heartwarming, appreciative affect it has had upon me. Cannot find the right words. PERFECT and THANK YOU are all I can come up with...So sorry, as it deserves far better. :)

No need to thank me as I only wrote what i thought was a simple conclusion to a heart felt and honest story , your words were truthful and bare , but I must say thank you as your reply was a total surprise to me and I admit it touched me deeply ..... And you couldn't have put it any better at all ......so again .... Thank you .... :)

You sure seem to be a good person. I've read a couple of Your experiences and a bunch of Your jokes. You are a good person.

Thank you...I would love to know (other than my jokes...which I am quite proud of-LOL) what other stories you have read that has made you say this. I accept and oh so appreciate your reassurance regardless, but the pessimistic optimist I am, urges me to inquire. :)

Most recently I read your story about posting to the "I don't wear a bra" group. You were concerned about the stricture in titalation and laciviousness. Your introspection was that of a good person. Even this story where you examine the issue of your goodness is the thought process of a good person.

To process of examining my motives for my behaviour, my thoughts and my feelings is a challenge.

I often fail to meet standards I strive for.

Like you I need to remind myself of the qualities that others admire. QuAnd recognise they are true.

I have a sense that these tools were taught by the Oxford Movement at the start of the last century. And were subsequently incorporated into the 12 Step Fellowship, which is known as AA.

Take care. Be well.

Quite a challenge indeed...I suppose that is why there are many that DO NOT. Experience has shown me that despite good intentions, both the process and the outcome can be dauntingly unsatisfying. Not sure I understand or appreciate your reference to Oxford or AA and it's correlation to what I have said, but I will end by saying that regardless of what provoked me to write that at that moment, my goal was to vent the conflicting thoughts of my mind, share them in the hopes that there are others that see their ability to acknowledge their faults- as an honorable character trait. Reassure my passionate thoughts. I would much rather be an person like that than a person who refuses to see the negative traits they posses and act as if beyond reproach.

Tell me....what was your motive for this confession ?

Specifically at that moment??? I couldn't say. I can say that in varying degrees of thought, I often find myself reassuring myself that I am a good person. When you express so many negative or "bad" qualities in defense of others who diminish or ignore the good on a constant basis...I feel it is only right to at least show that you have had a thought process questioning yourself. If my actions cannot withstand the test of justification, then they are lies I am telling myself...something I do not do to myself or others. Very vague I know, but thank you for asking rather than blatantly offering unfounded reassurance. I hope in time...your assurance will come...but only after I have proved myself worthy.

Sending Hugs and good wishes to you for a happy New Year. expect nothing and then your expectations will be exceeded. Hugs

I'm sure you've felt at some point that all of this is a test. You're a good person because that's just who you are, and you should not expect the same in return because this world is a cold, nasty place in which we sharpen our teeth in order to defend ourselves. Be nice and just be who you are. Be tough and firm if need be. Always be prepared to battle. But other than that, just smile and move forward. Someone reciprocates your niceness then fine. If not, move on. That's their karma, not yours.

You ARE a good person.

Thank You.

I AM a good person, TY.<br />
<br />
Short comings-I have more than a few. <br />
<br />
Experience- Much more than I realize, and mostly, not used to help me 'deal' in a less destructive way.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, the damage that has been done has affected my ability to not question 'My God'. As irrational as it sounds, I think the only rational thing to do when continuously being confronted with people that fail to exhibit the same fundamental values of decency-kindness, honesty and concern, you start to question every thing.<br />
<br />
Humor- I can find humor in everything, but far too many find humor or enjoy humor at the expense of someone else-and I'm not referring to 'blond jokes,etc', which you have to admit are sometimes quite humorous.<br />
<br />
As far as not wasting my time- what are the choices?... Be alone, but confident and true to myself, my God and my values or be with others by either allowing others to influence what my value system should be or becoming so cynical that I sacrifice my identity and hand it over to anger and resentment?<br />
<br />
Not a choice anyone should have to make.

I think you are a good person because you are (willing to be - and it is a scarce quality) to be introspective with regard to your possible short comings.<br />
I have a less ideal outlook on people and realise that they are always on the outlook for that 'one better' to go for.<br />
Not cynical,just experienced<br />
I know my God and what makes Him happy,so I don't fall around to please them.Respect,empathy and a sense of personal interest and care- also humor- I f that's not good enough for them<br />
If not . .. hmm,well . . ..:)

I don't know how inspirational I can be, but I'm sure willing to try. Not for everyone. But I think you just might be worth it. Seriously, fetish.... you're awfully hard on yourself, for someone who goes the extra mile every day of her life. I know what it is to wake up and consciously decide to give people every benefit of the doubt in your head.

Thank You!!!<br />
<br />
Not only is is hard to decide, I'm not exactly sure what I'm protecting myself from.<br />
<br />
Maybe some more hugs,inspiration and rational thoughts and words from you will do the trick!

I know it, too, fetish. <br />
<br />
It can be really hard to decide where to put the line between what you're willing to feel and how much you need to protect yourself