What Do You Tell Them?

The more I progress on the way to obedience, and reap the rewards in my marriage and family life, the more I seem to struggle with the reaction of onlooking friends and outsiders, especially the female ones. The other day we had our best friends visiting and while our husbands spent some time in the aircraft hangar, the wife wanted to have a tour of our gardens. When she discovered our new solar system, she couldn't believe I wasn't able to tell her all the technical details of the setup. 'You don't know?' 'No. I leave this to my husband, as he is the electrician in the house.' She stared at me in disbelief. Next were some earth works in preparation for a new water tank. 'But John will have to level this heap of soil, to allow for mowing in future' she pointed out. 'I'm sure he will' I replied. 'You better tell him' she continued. I looked at her and said. 'I won't. I trust that he knows, what's necessary.' Her stare was speaking volumes...

Then I have that other - not so close - friend, who interferes in any tiny action of her husband, doesn't allow him any leeway, without having given her
opinion or consent. She is speechless at the amount of freedom my husband has in his decisions, his business activities, my way of not interfering. 

These women imply, that I am ignorant and shouldn't shut my eyes, but instead should know every minute detail, that's happening on our property and in my husband's business. But I have learnt to trust my husband, know that he thrives in his freedom of making his own decisions about certain matters. Back in the time, when I had not seen the need to be obedient, I would walk into his workshop and point out straight away any tiny defect I could find and criticize his work or unkempt state of the place. My interference didn't turn out to be constructive, it just caused arguments and distress, leading to the point, where my husband wouldn't inform me anymore about his doings. Since I have changed my attitude and give him his space, he comes home from work and talks to me about his dealings again. I am mainly listening nowadays, only giving my opinion, if it's asked. And we have the most wonderful relationship and his business is doing just as well as before!

I am sometimes compelled to tell these female friends, to back off, to leave me alone with their idea of watching their husbands like 'Big Brother''
and interfering immediately, when the husbands make a move that isn't approved by the wives. I have trust in my husband and respect his ways.
I don't want to lecture him, as they see fit. How do you tell these women about your chosen lifestyle? How do you explain to them, that this is your
path to a successful and happy marriage, without looking like a wimp? Because this is, how they look at me, if I try to explain my lifestyle:
"Poor thing, he has got you obviously completely under his thumb".  Mostly I don't even bother to correct them, to tell them, that choosing the obedient lifestyle was the best thing I have done in years. I smile and let them ponder on... 

IQplusfun IQplusfun
56-60, F
8 Responses May 10, 2012

As a Christian pastor I am sometimes asked to serve as marriage councilor. When a couple come to me for advice I always point out the passages in Ephesians, Colossians and Peter which all point out the need for wives to submit to their husbands and husbands to love their wives. It is amazing that those who heed the advice stay married and those that ignore it wind up divorced. Surprisingly enough I find it most often that the wife has to make the first move toward submission rather than as one might expect the husband to 'take charge'. In my own marriage of 40 years we discovered, after me asking her to submit to me, the need for my Dear Wife to be controlled in a CDD type arrangement which I do not recommend to the couples seeking marital advise. Wives submitting to loving husbands works well for most while for some, CDD is a logical next step for some only! Take your relationship one step at a time. Begin by - if a wife submit, if a husband love.

Does he spank your bare bottom too?

All u say is u are his and he is urs

trust is what a good partnership is all about

Hello. Personally, this is not a path I would pursue in a marriage. Having said that, I am my own person, just like you. We are different. So many marriages have problems these days and if you and your husband have found a system that works then keep doing what you are doing. Your friends need to accept you for who you are and not question why you do things a certain way. As I was reading your story it struck me that your friends have contention in their marriage where you seem to have very little contention in yours. Please don't worry about what other people say or think about you. As long as nobody is getting hurt and there is no abuse going on, they need to respect you for who you are and how you live your life. If they cannot do this than perhaps they should find someone else they can criticize.

Thanks for your reply and for being so supportive, although you seem to pursue a quite different role in your life. There is definitely no abuse going on in our marriage, all that changed is my attitude towards my husband and respecting him as he deserves. We have found a level of happiness and harmony, that had been buried for years! My surrender brought out the best in both of us!

Let them see how happy you are. Let them wonder why you are so content. Let them see how well you comunicate with your husband, and how happy being with him makes you. Sooner or later they will wonder why you are able to live this way, and when they come asking, explain the freedom you and your husband share, and the trust you have for one another. If they can't understand it's really thier loss, not yours.

What a funny story! So. How long do you think it will take these female friends to become envious (not that this is our goal) of how adored we are by our husband's? "Under his thumb", indeed! Hilarious. (Secret: Masters are slaves to their slaves, and slaves master the master. All great, dominant, alpha males know this, BTW. The truly secure ones will not try to hide it.)<br />
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Yes, I am under my husband's thumb. I admit it. Under his thumb, under his authority, under his paddle, and often across his knee...and also under his protection, under his care,wrapped in his love, and always in his heart. <br />
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Control is an illusion for any of us, anyway, and for my master and I it is not about who controls whom, but about being free to live life fully, as we believe God ordained. (Now, the fact that my husband expresses his sexuality in the way he does is either entirely separate or so closely linked it is seamless--I never have figured out which. It's a conundrum, like: Is it always rape if I never have the right to say no?) <br />
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In any event, just smile at them when they make their silly, ignorant comments, and remember, "But there for the grace of God, go I..." And maybe eventually they will notice, as my friends have, that our husbands are always reaching for our hands, or touching us as he walks by, opening every door and bringing flowers for no reason. Yeah, I would have to say: Girlfriend, you keep the "control". I'll keep the adoration.<br />
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Sheesh! So we submissives are meant to be upset by the fact that some electrical woo haa something or other is not been submitted to us for our approval? Why would you need to be worried about what he does, or when, or how? The point of this life is trusting that all his actions are taken with our best interests in mind. Is it possible we might be hurt,, used, betrayed? Of course. There are no guaranties in life, whether we are nagging, controlling manipulating shrews, or loving, submitted, gentle "subbies". Thinking otherwise is just...sad.

Really, really loved this post! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom!

I don't think you need to tell them, let them continue with their confusing lives and battling for meaningless control at every corner. If they want to know why you and your husband have such a close marriage maybe you could say something then, prehaps even get them the surrendered wife book but otherwise, it's yours and your Husbands business only :o)