I Am A Grateful And Obedient Wife

Need To Vent, Looking For Advice

By: quietnicole85

Written on January 30th, 2013

My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years. I cook, clean do the laundry, take care of the kids, and work. That part I don't mind. It is something I've always done. Just showing that I do contribute. I have no problem with it, I enjoy seeing my husband pleased when everything is taken care of. But today, I told him that we were low on money and to just be mindful on what he spent until he gets paid tomorrow. I take care of all the bills, the checkbook, grocery shopping, etc... now I never spend money on myself unless needed. I recently got my hair done per His request, but his mother did it, so it didn't cost us anything. Well, when I told him to watch what he spent he went on a rant as to why we didn't have much money left. I told him what bills I paid and how much they were and anything that I spent towards groceries. Now mind you, his friend lives with us while he is going through a split up with his wife, and pays nothing. I told my husband that I hate feeling as though he feels like I spend all of his money and he could do the finances if he wanted to see where the money goes....no answer....just needed to vent and hoping for some advice. I love him and appreciates all that he does for us, but am sick of arguing over money.

By: quietnicole85

Age: 26-30 , Female

352 people have read this story

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44 responses

tsiugnilinnuc

Money is so often the reason for marital discord. The "friend" should be helping with a little room and board money for sure

Apr 24
1 like
- quietnicole85
  He actually just started, but he has been seeing a girl and staying over there a lot so that might change
  
  Apr 24
  1 like
aktor1970

Just IMO, but if he's leading the household, as it were, if he's not actually managing finances, he should at least be proactive in staying up to date on where things are at so as to be more understanding of where it's all going. I can understand surprise, but it just seems lazy to Me to not at least be "in the loop" on expenditures, etc.
:/ *hugz* I hope that has been or does get ironed out.

Mar 31
1 like
- quietnicole85
  Things have gotten better
  
  Mar 31
  2 likes
- aktor1970
  Good. I hope it keeps on getting better for you both. :)
  
  Mar 31
  1 like
cargan2015

My exwife always blew up about money that went missing that I had no idea about but she was always bad with math and figure she mis budgeted but I never could say that to her with out causing a fight.

Mar 24
1 like
- quietnicole85
  Yeah, he knows its not me, and have worked out some of it, and he seems to understand a bit more..most of our fights end up because of money or stress
  
  Mar 24
  1 like
- cargan2015
  thats good my Ex and I split partially for same reason also becasue she had a psychotic episode
  
  Mar 24
  1 like
- quietnicole85
  Here's a tip ....most women are psychotic....lol
  
  Mar 24
  1 like
- cargan2015
  my ex made some people that have been comited to psychiatric hospital look normal just for example she says that her ex boyfriend who raped her fathering my stepson before we where married is innocent of raping his next girlfriends 12 year old daughter even though he plead guilty to it and took my own daughter around the *** hole on 3 seperate occasions I am aware of my daughter is in cps custody now and im working on getting full custody
  
  Mar 24
  1 like
- quietnicole85
  Wow...yeah she definitely tops most
  
  Mar 24
  1 like
- cargan2015
  She doesnt even see her self as having done wrong even her own mother and both of her sisters siding with me in CPS custody case doesnt strike her as her having done wrong
  
  Mar 24
  1 like
- quietnicole85
  I'm sorry, I can't imagine what ur going through. I wish you the best in all of it
  
  Mar 24
  1 like
- cargan2015
  Thanks
  
  Mar 24
  1 like
- quietnicole85
  Stay in touch if u want....feel free to message me, even if u want someone to ***** to that will listen and not talk back :)
  
  Mar 24
  1 like
6 More Replies
jp56

Married 35 years, been there, done that. I always worked, keeping her fee to raise the kids & only work if she wanted too. I have always just put the money in the bank & gave her complete control. I never ever bitched about a cent she spent or begrudged her anything. She in return has always passed a remark about anything I ever spent, especially now when I do direct deposit & never have a cent of my own cash.

Feb 25
1 like
- quietnicole85
  He has gotten better since I've shown what the money goes to. He is free to spend what he pleases, as long as the bills get paid, which will be passed to him soon, I would rather him handle it all, I don't spend much so it doesn't affect me :)
  
  Feb 25
  1 like
Excite41

Gather all the bills (including any extra expenses) together and have him add them up for as you list them on a separate piece of paper. Just tell him you need his help because it doesn't seem to add up right.

Then create another list next to that of any things you buy for yourself.

It'll be very obvious were the money goes then.

Feb 12
2 likes
- quietnicole85
  Thank you. I will try that, I've been letting him know what I spend if I do spend, and always let him know if I am going to be spending more than normal on something. Thank you for the advice!
  
  Feb 12
  1 like
JennaR

When I was handling the finances the first thing I did was put aside the amount of money I knew my husband would likely use/need/spend before I paid the rest of the bills. If dates due on the bills could wait till next check those were the last I paid so I could make certain he had his cash. I don't know if that helps. When you only have so much money and a big pile of bills it wouldn't be an answer to your problem.
I will tell you I am VERY grateful he is now the one paying the bills. It was one responsibility I was most happy to hand over.

Feb 10
1 like
Martyboy22

I let my wife handle the finances. Sounds to me like eventually you will be having sex with his friend who is staying at your house.

Feb 10
1 like
- quietnicole85
  No, he is like a brother to me, and before you say it, I'm not into that...lol
  
  Feb 10
  1 like
- Martyboy22
  Ok if you say so. What happens if the Master wants you to?
  
  Feb 10
  1 like
- quietnicole85
  He doesn't share
  
  Feb 10
  1 like
- Martyboy22
  Bet you an ice cream soda within 3 months the topic is brought up.
  
  Feb 10
  1 like
- quietnicole85
  He's been living here since august...where's my ice cream soda?
  
  Feb 10
  1 like
- Martyboy22
  I said 3 months from today. You are in a new lifestyle now.
  
  Feb 10
  1 like
- quietnicole85
  K. I'll let you know in 3 months, but I doubt it would change. I'm still working with him on this, so its new to him as well
  
  Feb 10
  1 like
- Michelle0001
  Martyboy22, I frequently see folks make the assumption that a wife who submits to her husband will be subjected to having sex with other men at the husband's orders. While I am sure some have done this, I do not think it is the norm. Most men do not want to share their wives. My husband is a good example, I submitted last April and even though he does have the ocassional fantasy about this, it is not someing he wants me to do in real life. I think the fantasy of this is pretty common for men but not the reality of most marriages where the wife has submitted.
  
  Feb 10
  1 like
- quietnicole85
  I think my husband falls in the same category, except he would have no problem with me bringing home a woman! Lol
  
  Feb 10
  1 like
6 More Replies
Michelle0001

Hi slvr2011, it sounds like you have a great plan to calm the money arguments since you originally posted this. I am very happy to hear that. Fighting over money is awful.
In our house, I handle all of the finances. We have one account. I am the more detail oriented between the two of us and he is way more free spirited so it just makes sense for us to do it this way. I will say though, it is a challenge in situations like the one you mentioned where our budget might be tight to let him know that without sounding like I'm being the boss of things. If he were as good at it as I am, I would much rather he take care of it. We do go over everything so he always knows where we stand and if any decisions are to be made, I gather all the relevant information to take to him so he can make the decisions.
It sounds like between the two of you that you have found a good solution that will ease the tensions. Good luck :)

Jan 31
2 likes
- quietnicole85
  Thank you, it will definitely be a work in progress, but hopefully him doing it will give him no question. I know he doesn't think I'm out on shopping sprees, but this way he will know exactly where it all goes, so I don't have to feel the way I do
  
  Jan 31
  1 like
Hav1

Maybe Matildaeve has a good point. Would you be happy for him to handle the finances ? My husband handles all the finances in our house. He is the sole bread winner and he pays all the bills, car maintainance etc and pays me house keeping into my account each month. Out of that money I buy all our groceries, mine and kids clothes , presents ( although he gives me more for Christmas shopping ) and anything left is mine to do with as I want...maybe hair or get my nails done, or new sexy underware ...whatever.
We agreed the amount he would pay me each month and I have got to say that it works ! I do not have any worry over paying the bills etc but I have freedom to use the money he gives me however I want...so long as we have food in the cupboards.
I know every couple have slightly different set ups but maybe giving him the finances to handle would be a huge weight off your shoulders.

Jan 30
1 like
- quietnicole85
  That is awesome advice! I do work part time, but use it more for my car payment and groceries, I'd love to have him do it instead of me. Showing him what needs to get done. That way he could give me what he thinks is acceptable and then he can't make me feel like I'm spending all of his money. Thank you
  
  Jan 30
  1 like
- Hav1
  Exactly ! We don't share a bank account any more because it led to so much bad feeling. He used to scrutinise the bank account online almost every evening and question me on any transactions I had made. It really used to get me mad and we would end up arguing.
  This way is so much better for us. I still have access to all his accounts online so I can take a look at them if I ever want to ( but to be honest, I hardly ever bother ). So much less hassle this way plus as you said - they have no reason to rant about what you spend or how you spend it.
  
  Jan 30
  1 like
- mkgm
  Because of my husbands controlling nature he also takes care of our finances. He is the bread winner in our fam and keeps a close eye on what I spend money.. I am given money we hen I need it but must explain what it is going toward. Once I explain why I need it he is usually very generious. I am very thankful he takes care of our finances bc I have been known to over spend. That is when I get in major trouble!
  
  Jan 30
  1 like
- quietnicole85
  We have talked, and I think its best to just let him do it...he's still getting used to the whole HoH thing, so hopefully this will make him feel more in charge. I would just like the questioning to end
  
  Jan 30
  1 like
- Hav1
  That's great news for you ! Will he give you a regular amount for housekeeping / groceries?
  
  Jan 31
  1 like
- quietnicole85
  Well I work part time. So I would probably just give him the money for my car payment, and use the rest towards that. We are going to sit down Saturday and go over all of it. Thank you!
  
  Jan 31
  1 like
3 More Replies
MatildaEve

What if he took the responsibility of keeping track of the money? I'm sure you are doing it properly, but if he makes you feel bad or stressed maybe he needs to see first hand what is going on. Are you in a TiH relationship? You wrote this in the 'Grateful Obedient Wife' page that's why I wondered. Sometimes when you have a ''guest'' in the house it makes it stressful also. I hope you start feeling better about things soon and this gets resolved. We all have to blow off steam.

Jan 30
1 like
- quietnicole85
  Yes, well we are starting to change our relationship, and I was kind of hoping that he would take that part, because honestly I hate doing all the money stuff. I would like him to be the Hoh, but its a work in progress
  
  Jan 30
  1 like
- quietnicole85
  Thank you for the advice though, we are going to talk about this because I don't like to feel like a disappointment to him
  
  Jan 30
  1 like
- MatildaEve
  Saying that you feel you are disappointing him is a good place to start. That way it doesn't sound like you are criticizing him, but rather asking him for help. My husband and I are new to TiH, we still do the finances together, but when I worry, he assures me and I lean on him. I've had my ups and downs and have written about them on this site. I never knew that this lifestyle (for lack of a better word) existed till recently! Now I get help from what I call my ''fellow spank sisters'' lol . My husband and I were becoming resentful and disrespectful towards one another, but this dynamic made that stop...... but it's not always a fairytale! Just be honest with him and take baby steps.... as long as you move forward it doesn't matter how fast it goes. :o)
  
  Jan 30
  1 like
- quietnicole85
  Thank you! This lifestyle is something I've wanted, but didn't express to him until recently. We have always gotten along good (except for the money thing) but noticed we were lacking something, and things have been progressing and we are focusing on each others needs more. I've noticed my whole frame of mind has changed when before I would've flown off the deep end, but now am much more respectful of him. It sounds like I need to meet your spank sisters! Lol thank you again for the advice. Andany tips u may have in the future, feel free to pass along!
  
  Jan 30
  1 like
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I Am A Grateful And Obedient Wife

Need To Vent, Looking For Advice

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