I Miss My Son

My Son passed away 2 months ago and it seems like 200 years. Wow this is such intense grief
So many emotions and feelings , and I feel like i am in a different place, just like he is...another world
I know I'm not alone and am getting counselling, it helps but the pain is like no other
I have a supportive family and 3 other kids , 2 grandkids, a great husband and some good friends
But i am still lonely...for MY SON. I miss him so much
I am grateful I had 28 wonderful years with him
But I planned on 28 more....
Ladyrider63 Ladyrider63
46-50, F
7 Responses May 11, 2012

Hello!,
I have also lost my son 2 years back.He was just 24 when he departed us. Nothing in this world will console us in this . Each & every moment we lived with them are precious, it's very hard to accept that they are no more with us. But time will heal every thing.
You go on doing your duties, allways think positive, do good to others. Don't shed tears in his memory. Just bless him, and let them go. or else your son's soul will not be in peace. whenever you remember just bless him and try not to call him again to this world. he has finished his duties on this earth, we are also on our way. Do remember the thing's which were good when he was there. Help others who are in sorrow. The blessing;s which they give is very much needed for you. Take care.
Jayashri patil

Hello Ladyrider, Keep putting one foot in front of the other. That's all you can do. When I first lost my daughter. Someone told me take it day by day. That was wrong. It starts out minute by minute. Only after a year has past since I lost my daughter have I really been able to take it day by day. It will not get better. It may get easier to return to a somewhat normal life. But face it, you will think about him all the time. This last Fathers Day was very hard for me. I started the day tearing the house apart looking for an old Fathers Day card from her. Then when I went to church it was horrible. Such a celebration, knowing those that still had all their children. I never gave up on God. Yes, I still question him why. But I know he thinks in the eternal things while we only live for this world. I know my daughter is at peace. I realize how fragile life is. Oh, I lost my mom last month. One day I'll pass away and then I'll have peace too.

Thanks for the kind words, and sorry for your loss. Its just over 6 months now and i am healing a little, trying to cope anyway. I was at the lake most of the summer, that helped some. I aslo been going to a group for bereved parents and it is helping, everyone there has lost a child and can relate. but everday is a struggle, i just went back to work, i like my job and the people are supportive, so its ok, its getting me out of the house. I can't sit here or i will go nuts. I did a walk to remember for my son this summer also, that made me feel like i am still there for him. I am starting to belive he is in heaven and his spirit lives on. twice now when i was really struggling, he came to me in my dreams and hugged and said Mom I'm OK. that was comforting. so yes minute, hour or day at a time is all we can do, hugs to you

Well its been 5 months, the worst day of my life. I miss my son very much, but I am learning that life has to go on and I have to do what I have to do, so i can heal some and be a mother to my living children. Thats what my son would want for all of us, to be together and be happy. So many changes have come about, how can't they, nothing is the same, I am not the same. the future looks different so, hence why I need to make changes. I thought I could never accept this but I am starting to, by knowing that I had no control over what happened. I will never get over this, I am just learning how to live with the pain. there are ups and downs and always will be , but all I can do is my best and walk through this grief and continue on with this new chapter of life. Its a long and hard journey I have no choice but to travel . I have gained courage out of this for one thing, not much to be scared of now, my worst nightmare came true. I am taking one day at a time , and the future is not as foggy , I have some hope.

My deepest empathy goes out to you Ladyrider63. I also lost a son but to murder. Anthony was 28 years old when he was shot . Only now 3 years do I feel ready to share with other how I cope.<br />
<br />
Like you my grandchildren our my forces, also my work. Never in my wildest dreams did I think my work would be my moderation to get up.<br />
<br />
I was caring for my mother at the time my son was shot. Mum died 6 weeks later, after Anthony from Cancer . So doctor advice me to get back into work so I got job 3 months after my son death. <br />
<br />
I have 3 daughters also. So I had to be strong. I did not "feels" strong, but there came a point that the only choice I had is to be strong. <br />
<br />
Quote “I look at pictures of them when they were my little men and just think, it’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday! Quote <br />
<br />
It’s so true it is so hard.<br />
I never said “ goodbye to my son “ but I do say Farewell my son.... because I believe that we will meet again.<br />
<br />
If I searched the whole world over, until the end of time<br />
I would never find another son, as wonderful as mine.<br />
So if there is another world and we are born once more <br />
I pray to god to let me have the son I had before

I hope we meet again, but my faith is not very strong right now. I am pretty mad at god, if there is one. My son will always be with me , he livers on through my grandsons, one acts like him and the other looks like him. take care

I understand your anger at God. Tell HIM!! He knows you are angry. I was also angry that God didn't stop it from happening. Then I remembered that God lost His Son too! Your anger is healthy and it will give you the strength to move forward. Just continue to let love rule in your heart and don't give in to the hurt you feel and allow it to rule you. It is easy to love when every thing is great, but the grand children need you to be loving in their lives now. Stay positive and vent when you need to, but remain positive. Stay loving and caring because that is who you are!

That was a nice touch! Thanks!

Thanks for your kind words, I agree, Love can get us through the worst, and gives us something to live for and hope for. yes i am grateful for who I do have and my son will be in my heart forever and we have a new stronger love, he is kinda like my higher power now, i feel i owe it to him to try and be positive, he taught me how to forgive among other things, and i am learning from my grandkids, for one , unconditional love and they put a smile on my face, so that is positive for me and them, i can't not smile back.

1 More Response

The best thing to do when I have my moments of saddness is think of the fun I shared with my sons when they were with me. The trips and things I did with my sons keeps me from dwelling in the saddness. I have been told by many mothers that grief is different for moms than dads, I don't know if that is true, but we still hurt and pain is bad no matter which parent you are. Be careful that drugs don't take you away from your other children and family. Even though I hurt from the loss of two sons, my remaining children still need their dad. They hurt too. As long as we parents have a support group near us it helps. We have to stand strong on our own and we can if we allow ourselves not to blame ourselves and not to think about them being gone as much as the fun we shared. We can make it through another day. I look at pictures of them when they were my little men and just think, It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday!

For me its been devastating, his father well thats a different story, he was barley in his life so he isn't in as much pain, but i think the guilt will make up for that, i resent him alot for not being in his life more and he is the cause of my of his problems. so it depends on who raises the child, he was the ***** donor. he can go on with his life, I can't, why wasn't he taken instead of my son who had alot of life left, and he was a good person, his dad isn't. Oh well like I said the guilt will maybe kill him. sorry i sound so negative and I know resentments only hurt us. This grief is so hard, its turned me into a different person, i feel like i have a split personality, the waves of sad, mad, angry, lonely, etc . I had to vent, sorry again if I sound like a phycho

I lost my daughter 3 months ago and I wouldn't be able to get through the day without meds. This is a nightmare that will never end. I'm so sad, angry, depressed everything! Nobody should ever have to bury their child. I'm so sorry for you, for all of us grieving parents

I agree with all you said. this is not fair and we have a right to be angry and depressed, its life changing. where do we go from here???????

Thanks for the reply. yes this is the worse thing ever to happen to a parent. Cherish you kids.we are stronger than we think, at first I thought i couldn't survive this, but i have other kids to think of, and your right I owe it to my son to go on.its hard and my life is forever changed and the pain is unbearable at times. But i find the strenght from my family, friends and counselling. I know I will never get over this like you do when a parent /someone old dies, but i will learn to live with it. I will be able to think of his life more than his death. right now i am living a day at a time and taking medication for anxiety and depression to get me through the day. my mom used to say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...well i should be pretty strong someday. thx again

I'm thinking about getting some medication, too. At first, I didn't want to but now I'm considering doing it for awhile. I lost my husband and two children so I should be super strong - but some days I'm not. I wish I had people to get strengh from. Be grateful that you have those people in your life. I wish you a happy Mother's Day.

I'm so sorry for your losses, wow....1 is really killing me. I didn't want to take meds either but it helps to calm my nerves and to be able to sleep. Its adavan, not a strong drug but can be addictive. I am taking less than before, still grieving but it just makes it more bearable. I get the sleep I need so can function a little better, and not get sick. I also have an appetite, not like before but enough to want to eat and keep myself healthy as possible. So for now its helping me. Also we can't possibly feel strong all the time, i sure don't, i wonder if i will make it through this sometimes , but i have to try and I owe it to him. Anytime you wanna talk , gimme a shout, hugs

Happy Mothers Day to you, your still a mother