My Bright Son Died At 20 Years Old Due To Prescription Medications
Where to begin well my son was this amazing kid he was my oldest out of my four children. His name was Bryan and basically he and I grew up together. I had Bryan when I was only 16 years old. His father died 9 years previous so my son had some experience with loss and he coped well at the time. My son was such an amazing guy he was so responsible and always there to help with his younger brothers and sister. In school I never had a problem with him partying , never had any discipline problems. He was so good I'd say he was the perfect child growing up.I was so proud of him the day he graduated from high school. He than moved out and went away to college, again, I was so proud. He was going to be an art teacher. My son was an incredible artist. So after his first year of college he decided to go talk to someone about his dad dying just to resolve some feelings. Needless to say this is where the nightmare began.
You would think that doctors know best and this is what my son thought as well however they ended up saying he was so depressed and bi-polar (which he wasn't ). I'd say that had to find something wrong with him in order for the insurance to pay and keep him coming back. About six months after they put him on prescription medications he tried to killed himself. I was so scared and got him to the hospital and they took him by paramedics to the city about and an hour and forty five mins. away. There at that hospital they kept him for 3 days and released him with a lot of medications. He had just been on a couple before the suicide attempt now he was on several more. It got worse now my responsible son was not functioning much at all.He was on so many medications and was getting worse.I tried to explain to him the side effects of the drugs caused him to try to kill himself and that he wasn't bi-polar. I tried to reason with him that he didn't need to be on those medications. He told me the doctor wouldn't give him anything that would hurt him. He was a nightmare, we fought constantly about it. His speech was always slurred and barely moving. He would do some of the craziest things while on this pills. One of the pills he was on was suppose to put him to sleep but instead it would do the opposite and he would have no memory of anything he'd done. He basically sleep drive. The police brought him home once when he was doing this. By this time Bryan couldn't hold a job anymore and had to take time off from college. It was like taking care of a small retarded child. He had to be watched constantly he couldn't function. He had a few good days but mostly bad. He was abusing and he was addicted to his pills by this time. The problem was he didn't even know it. He thought people was breaking into our home to steal his pills. It was him taking them but the sleep pill made him have no memory of anything he'd been doing. He was on other pills like xanax and klonopins, zoloft , ambien etc.
I tried to get him help the doctors wouldn't talk to me cause he was over 18 years old. I talked to the police they said until he wants help nothing I could do. I checked into rehabs they had waiting lists, basically there was no help out there for people like my son. Two weeks before he died, I had a talk with him. I explained to him that this was a dangerous thing, I explained that it was not a matter of if but a matter of when I told him this drugs kill more people and I felt it in my bones that if we didn't get him help that it would end up killing him. He told me I was over dramatic about it and a doctor wouldn't give him anything that would hurt him. I told him that everyday I wake up praying this wouldn't be the day I find him dead from the pills. He got upset and left and the next morning his cousin had called and said Bryan took his pills and they couldn't wake him up. My brother and my 18 year old son and a family friend went to get him and I told them I'd meet them at the hospital.( I knew if I went he'd fight with me so I figured they could get him there without a fight). My son had overdosed only they didn't find no drugs in his system which I told them it was prescriptions and they would have to look for what they was giving him. He was out the next day, by this time I had told the doctors he was abusing them and addicted hoping to get his meds. taking away. I even cancelled his insurance. Continue use of prescriptions is what his discharge papers said. I couldn't believe it. He and I fought some more finally he decided to get some help. I was so happy it was a step in the right direction. He admitted he had a problem and he said he didn't want to die. So he called and the next week he went to the hospital he had went to when he tried to commit suicide. We didn't like that but he was better than nothing so we thought. He spent a week in this hospital and when he came home we assumed he was off the pills.My son died the next night in his bedroom in the middle of the night while he was sitting at his computer. My 18 year old son found him and came and got me. I was still laying in bed cause that day I didn't want to get up for some reason. I had a sense of dread. I ran into his room where my 18 year old was trying to shake him to wake up. What I remember the most and I can't get out of my head is hearing and seeing my 18 shaking him saying please get up Than it was the scared tone in his voice the way he said it that I knew my son was gone. Hearing my son say oh God No! I knew right there he tells me to call 911. You know I grabbed my phone and I couldn't remember 911 phone number as crazy as that sounds I couldn't remember it. I had lost it by this time. I couldn't remember anyone's number to call. I ran back to his room to tell my son I didn't know the number where my 18 year old stopped me at the bedroom door he was already on the phone with 911. He wouldn't let me come in there. My 18 year old had some friends that spent the night that night before and was helping him. I was throwing myself on the floor screaming. My 18 year old was trying to protect me. I guess he was trying to preform cpr. He has never told me but he did everything that the 911 operator told him to do. The first responders and police showed up and they walked in my son's room and walked back out. I begged him to know if my son was ok. He said i'm so so sorry. I lost it even worse I collapsed I was going to throw up. They walked me outside and told me they thought I probably should get in the ambulance and go to the hospital to get a shot to calm me down. I refused after that so much of that time is still blurry to me. I remember everyone showing up and my son still laying dead in his room. My family and friends started showing up being a small town news travels fast. As I was standing there it was coming across facebook. I thought oh no I haven't contacted all my family yet and I don't want them to find out that way. I knew people meant well but it had just happened.So my son had been dead for quite awhile before we found him. We thought he was sleeping so we didn't bother him. i remember when they brought him out of his room they let me see him. I cried and hugged and kissed his lifeless body. I don't remember much about it but I was told I was screaming while I was hugging him. They took him away, and I was suppose to start planning his funeral. My family and I went to the funeral home later that evening. I remember they was picking out a casket and I got up and told my family which was my 18 year old, my brothers and my dad and step mom. I told them I was sorry but my son just died and I can not sit here and plan a funeral I can't pick out a casket for my son. I told them to pick whatever it was fine with me but I couldn't do it. I went out and sit in the waiting room.
The next day the police came to my house to inform me what they found out. Turned out that the doctor up there at the hospital he was out had prescribed my son 7 new medications he had picked them all up the day he died. The police said he had done nothing illegal everything he had was all new and all by one doctor. They said it was an accidental overdose. I couldn't believe it he had prescriptions for anxiety, anti-depressants, pain killers etc. the combination killed him.
My son's death has left a hole in my heart. I'm a single mom with 3 children left well I had 4 but with my son gone I still have a 18, 14, and 9 year old children. There is nothing in this world more painful than the loss of a child. I function and keep going cause of my other children but honestly i felt the world should just stop cause my son's world stopped. I have faith though and I know my son is in a better place and we'll all be together again someday. However, I'm selfish and want him here. I feel like the world needs to know the dangers of prescription medications I feel like the world needs to hear Bryan's story. It had just been a year ago that this happened. There is not a minute of the day that goes by that I don't think of him. I still cry everyday. Honestly, I haven't been to his grave since the day we buried him. I want to go but I haven't been able to yet. I know when I do I'm afraid that i'll break apart. So I'm still trying to find the strength to go. I"m still trying to make sense of this and I don't know if I'll ever be able to . Furthermore I'm still trying to find out why he was put on all these pills, I have so many questions and not enough answers. My son was an amazing guy and I want him remembered as the wonderful guy he was.