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My Kids

As a newly married couple we did not want to have kids right away, so we waited a couple of years.

When we finally did try to have a child, our greatest fear, was how are we going to sleep when the baby is here.
Alas, that was not to be the greatest fear. It was when he was born... They had no idea what was wrong with him, and then they told us he was going to die. He did, a couple of days later. Our world crashed, and no one cared.

We needed major counseling to be able to move on. We tried...

Then we had another kid, a daughter. Well she died too... the next day!

I have been unable to cry. As a young couple, there was no one for us. So we had to seek professional counseling. That has helped somewhat.

Other than this, sometimes I wonder, why go on.
j1dev j1dev 36-40 1 Response Jul 17, 2012

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I'm so sorry for your loss, i lost my son in march and its very heart breaking and life changing for me. I go on for my other loved ones, i have no choice. I felt like you at first , I keep thinking, it should have been me not him, we are not suppose to lose our children that way. I felt like dying myself, its hurts so much we think , now what, nothing will be the same, where do I go from here. I felt like my life was taken also, well my life before this Tragedy was. Its like starting over again, life as I knew it is gone, my hopes, my dreams, the future looks different. All the things we will miss out on with those lost children is all we can think about. I started going to a group called " compassionate friends" its for grieving parents. I don't feel so alone since i been going. I am learning alot, mostly how to manage the pain, it will never go away, we will never get over it, we just learn to live with it. and some days are harder than others, but some how we find the strenght to go on. For me its what my son would want and I owe it to him and my other kids. we all have someone or something to go on for, I have been focusing on that, and it gets me through each day. I reach out to people I trust with my feelings and heart , and TALK, we need to talk about our children. Counselling helps some, but this group is going through the same thing I am and most counsellors are not. they can give advice, but don't truely understand. If you could find a support group that might help, i know it helps me. take care, hugs