I'm Here To Support Anyone Needing Spiritual Or Grief Counseling

Hi, I'm a mother of a young man who took his life very publicly in an Oklahoma WalMart store several years ago. Mikey had mild autism, or Asperger's Syndrome, but he had accomplished more than we had ever dreamed he could by age 25. He had a college degree, a great career, a driver's license, and a girlfriend. At the peak of success, he shocked us by a compulsive act of suicide. He left behind a note that pointed to an obvious psychological breakdown, and had apparently been having delusions for several weeks prior. But Mikey's story didn't end in the back aisle of WalMart. Shortly after his death, we all began experiencing strange and unexplainable phenomenon that pointed to Mikey's humorous spirit still being around us and very much a part of our lives. I've written a book about my adventures and misadventures in Mikey's life, death, and life-after-death, and I am a motivational/inspirational speaker and life coach. I'd like to reach out to members of my own community and offer support of any kind. You can find me at www.DianeBucci.com or www.ReturnofMikey.com or on Facebook at "The Return of Mikey" page. Please let me know if I can help you.
TheReturnofMikey TheReturnofMikey
46-50, F
2 Responses Aug 13, 2012

Hi my son died last year, he had just turned 20 years old. He died from an overdose due to prescription medication. The doctor had put him on too many and to much. Anyways, he died in his room at my home. I have four children and my two younger one's wasn't home at the time. My 17 year old son and two of his friends was at home. It' s a nightmare I won't ever forget my 17 year old came into my room where I was laying down and said my son Bryan was breathing. I ran to his room and there I see my 17 year trying to wake him up and it was the sound of his voice that I knew he was gone. It's the sound that still haunts me I lost it he told me to call 911 and i couldn't remember 911's number. I know that sounds crazy but i was in this state of I can't even explain it. The rest of the day is well some of it clear and some of it blurry. I don't remember everything after that but bits and pieces. I know some of our family and friends after he died had some things happen to them and they thought it was Bryan. I remember feeling jealous because I hadn't had anything happen. Well than about a week after his death I to started experiencing some things and I knew it was him. People at my house experienced them with me, so I know it wasn't in my head. I still have things that happen. My son that was 17 he has had a lot more experiences than all of us. However, my two oldest boys lost their dad when they was 10 and 12 years old. On father's Day they said he killed himself. Every since that happened my 2nd son the one who found my oldest son dead well he's had become almost a sensitive. He was a 10 year old boy after his dad died and he was seeing dead people. It stayed with him through out the years. I know my son is in a better place, i'm selfish I want him here with us. I haven't allowed myself to really deal with it yet. I mean I haven't even been to his grave since we buried him. I'm afraid I will break when I do so I avoid it. It's just me here to take care of my other kids so i'm afraid if I do break what happens to them. So I think about him every second of everyday. I know he's gone, in my head but I tell my heart he's still away at school. I have so much guilt about the fact I couldn't save my own child in my own house. He had gotten out of the hospital the night before he died. He went there to get of the prescriptions and spent a week in this hospital I didn't know that they gave him 7 new prescriptions and sent him home. I thought he was off them. That's why he went there. I know my son was a great kid so responsiable, never know problems with anything. He went to talk to someone about losing his dad. So they loaded him up on medications and he was dead within a year of being put on them. In between that year from the start til he died, he had tried to kill himself once and didn't know why, he couldn't believe it and didn't understand why he tried. It was the medicine he was on, than he overdosed 2 weeks before he died. I begged for help. My son believed if a doctor gave them to you than it was ok cuz he wouldn't give you anything that would hurt you. I tried everything but i still lost him in the end. I couldn't get him the help he needed. I blame myself. I go through the thinking everyday playing back in my head if I"d only done this or hadn't done that he'd still be here. I to believe he's still around me when the music comes on by itself, or the knocks at my door and no one there.,my phone making calls and It's sitting on the counter with no one around it. The feeling like someone is there, the footsteps, the cabinet doors and his bedroom door opening on their own, There's so much I could go on and on but I know it's him the music box started playing on it's own. I haven't had any dreams of him yet but my son that found him does. Other people have and have told me they thought he was sending a message to them to tell me. Anyways, I don't know really how to begin to recover from this, I know I will never get over it, my faith is strong and church has helped me some. However, I still have this big empty hole in my heart,

I have experienced My son showing up in my dreams with a message. I never believed before that the spirit lives on. I also have experienced a strong pull from someone or somewhere, when making an important decision. At first i thought it was my mind playing tricks on me, but i acutally say him once, in the window, like a ghost fugure but it was definately my son. He died in Mar, and I was struggling with the grief. I was at the lake, where it was quiet and i was reading a grief book, something made me look and there he was in my motorhome looking out the window at me. i thought at the time, i was seeing what i wanted and the grief was making me nuts. but it happened again at home, i had a melt down one day and felt llike I wanted to die, i was consummed with grief. I was half asleep when he came to me and gave me the biggest hug , i felt so much comfort. i slept like a baby after that. It was like he knew I needed him, another night i was struggling and he came to me again, but this time he wouldn't leave, i had to tell him to go already so i could rest, so I know he is still with me and misses me too and wants to help me. I feel comfort from that and know I can survive this cause now I believe he is not truely gone, he is with me all the time. I am not a religious person but i belive his spirit lives on and that he is ok. he was telling me "mom i am here for you and i am ok". I am handling the grief better, i now know i am not alone and my boy is with me and is my angel, he will protect me and my family, wow what a relief. thanks