My Nephew Passed Hours After He Was Born

I'm not a parent, but I am grieving. I thought I was going to be the closest I could get to a parent to this baby boy. My brother and I are close and when I found out his 16 year old girlfriend was pregnant, I was shocked and sad that he had to start his life so soon. Of course there were decisions to be made and I can't tell you how happy I was when I found out she was going to keep her baby. I was going to be an aunt! No matter how much people teased me about it, I was excited and ready to be an aunt that read to this child and helped out my brother as much as possible.

Danielle took a while to become excited, but eventually she did. She was really hoping for a girl and bawled when she found out she was having a boy. Eventually, she came to terms with it and once again, her excitement grew. She went to baby showers and dealt with my family that may be too large for most people. She really showed us how tough she was and she dealt with the people who were angry with her for getting pregnant and those who didn't understand. On August 12th, 2012, I was on my way from the Sterling Renaissance when I got the news she went into labor. Yay! My boyfriend and I drove to the hospital where she was trying to get some sleep and preparing to have the baby. My mom decided that we should leave and come back in the morning to see the baby because hopefully she'd have him by then. At 1:30 in the morning, my mom woke me up to tell me that my nephew was born! I couldn't get to sleep because of how excited I was. She had the baby before I went off to college and I still had time to hold him and be with him as much as possible.

I had a hard time imagining this baby boy being around and that made me nervous. I have a problem with that and if I can't imagine something good happening, I assume it won't. This time I was correct.

Around 5 in the morning, my mom woke me up again to tell me she was off to Syracuse where the baby was. She left me because I was supposed to be going to an amusement park that day and she didn't want me to miss this last day with my friends before school if nothing was happening.

I woke up at 8:30 to no news, which told me something was off. I was right. A little while later my grandmother wrote to me that he had passed.

The doctors didn't know that Danielle had low amniotic fluid and didn't catch it in time. What we found out is that there was a blockage in the urethra that caused the kidneys to fail and the lungs to stop developing. It was the hardest day of my life and I'm still trying to believe that it's not a bad dream.

Xavior was held by my brother who was able to go with him to the hospital. When the nurses found out the he wasn't going to live, they quickly took everything away and gave him to Zach. We have pictures of him holding his son while he was still breathing. Eventually we talked Danielle into getting up there. She didn't want to take a picture, but I hope that she won't regret that. I couldn't even hold him, but I hope to get one of the pictures to remember him by.

I know one day it will get easier even if it doesn't feel like that right now. I don't know how to grieve over this. My mom is also pregnant and needs an environment where she's not stressing out and that's hard for her to do right now. I don't wan tto make it worse. Right now I'm just trying to figure out how to miss somebody I never even met. I'm just missing an imagined future of a boy I hoped to hold.

I may not be a parent, but I love Xavior so much and I don't know how to deal with the pain right now. Any words of encouragement could help. I really just wanted to get his story out. I hope that Danielle and Zach will make it through the funeral in two days and they'll stay together. That's all I can hope for right now. Thank you for reading.
kelskels73 kelskels73
Aug 14, 2012