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I Am a Grieving Parent

My Little Angel

By: SheldonCooperRocks
Written on February 19th, 2013
When i lost my son, i wanted to die so bad. I felt i didnt deserve any happyness of an kind. But i now have two beautiful daughters and im happy to be alive. I have one in high school and my little one in kindergarten. I will see my baby boy again but i have a job to do here. My kids are my life. I love them more than anything.

I say good night to my boy every night, and thank god for all my kids. Wish i had more. Just didnt work out that way.
By: SheldonCooperRocks
Age: 41-45 , Female
222 people have read this story

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    stoney1012000
    stoney1012000

    I can understand how you feel. My daughter died back in 2008 of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome right before Xmas at almost 3 months old. I never understood the reason a child so beautiful could be put into my life and bring happiness like I never believed and then to turn around and lose it. It hurt me so bad I literally pretty much broke down and wanted to die as well. I started drinking to the point I quit eating and almost drank myself to death. I woke up in the hospital with my wife at the time telling me to hold on cause she didn't want to lose me too. I didn't care though, it was all too much for me to take. The only thing that has helped me is to learn to deal with it over time. It never goes away, I just had to learn how to deal with it. I think about her every day of my life, and not one day goes by I don't wish I could have traded places with her. I know in my heart the only way I am gonna get to see her again it to do the best I can so that I can see her in Heaven. I wanted to commit suicide. I sat on the edge of my bed with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a 9mm pistol in the other hand, wondering how many more drinks it would take until I had the guts to pull the trigger. At that moment in my life, It was as if I heard God's voice tell me that if I did this, I'd never see my daughter again. He told me that He had something in this life that He wants me to do. There are times I wonder when I am going to do whatever He wants me to do or if I am already doing it by helping others. Either way, I am glad that I have held on so that I can try to help others not feel the way that those of us have felt after our tragedies. There is hope and it is so hard to hold back the tears when in reality we want to just let them all go. If it weren't for strong people like you and I, who would help others that have to go through what we do? I feel very sad about your loss and I wish you the best in life. Please be strong, there are others that depend on people like us to help them.

    Apr 6
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      SheldonCooperRocks
      SheldonCooperRocks

      its been eighteen years since I lost my son. at the time I had no one to lean on not even my husband. i was a mother without a child. my family was no help, some people can say all the wrong things and not realize it. i never said anything to them about their stupid words of intended support while we had to make the decision to take our son off of life support. it came to a point where i just stopped taking their phone calls. although there was no one there for me I am happy to be there for my nephew and his wife when their daughter passed away at three months of age. they have had a daughter since and are expecting an other one in August. i am always happy to talk to someone who is going through this hard time.
      i may be too old to have a child at my age (43) but I am hopeful to become a grandmother some day.

      Apr 6
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    Quebant
    Quebant

    Your little boy in heaven must be soooooo proud of you!

    Feb 19
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