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It Hurts..

Someone told me that the pain will go away. I'm not sure if that's so. However, I do know that I miss my son so much. It's been 6 months now since Fhrahji has been gone. He was seven when he passed away. He was born with many birth defects. When the day came for me to say good bye, it felt like a bad dream.

I still cry. I miss him daily. No matter what he's still my baby.

Caprisun Caprisun 31-35, F 12 Responses Jun 17, 2009

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Don't You Have Any thing good About Him To Remember ? OUM

i'm sorry for your lost

Of course he is. He will always be your baby but you cry for your loss...not his gain. Your son is now free to progress to his next chapter. He is no longer hindered by anything in this world...and he is now in a position to see things you cannot. Your son wouldn't want you to cry and pick at the wound of your loss. If his life meant anything it would mean that you live your life in thankfulness. How blessed you and all the women who have written here, truly are. The soul connection you have with him was based on smiles and love and that, I feel, is the you he loves to see the best. That connection never dies. The mother he knew smiled with her eyes and was strong and sure.
This is still you...and once the shock and confusion of that physical loss subsides it will be you again.
I send my love and thoughts of peace and acceptance to you... Px

I lost my baby girl almost 15 years ago and it still hurts as much now as it did then. Most of the time I feel alone.

i too miss my son, i know how you feel

I know how you feel, i just lost my son 2 months ago, I don't know how i am going to get through this, but i hear the pain gets softer and we let go slowly but never let go of them completly, how can we.

it has been 23 years for me and trust me the pain does lessen, we never ever forget our children, but over time the wounds do heal. So please take heart that someday you will feel better even if it doesn;t feel like it. At the beginning I never thought the time would come where the pain would subside, but eventually around year 16 it did so please take heart.

I lost my son 20 years ago. I cry for him less often, but i still hurt for him in my heart and soul. The pain will never go away, but you will learn to endure it and go on living.

@Jaysbarn It's been almost three years now since the death of my son. I'm now okay with his death. I miss him still. However, taking care of him was never considered as being "heavy." He never lived a "heavy" life. He had a great life. Actually, he had a life better than some children who where born without birth defects. If I had to do it all over again I would.

I can relate to what you said about if you had to do it all over again, you would. My child was born severely handicapped and I feel the same way. I cared for her 24/7 but I'd do it again in a heartbeat if I could.

Grieving is a progressive experience.Fortunately it comes to most of us in a life time infrequently. I don't mean to sound insensitive, but a child with so many birth defects would have had a very heavy life.<br />
You would have had a heavy life taking care of such a child. Sometimes, things do happen for the best.<br />
I know this may seem an insensitive attitude, but I have seen grieving people go on being sad, because nobody dares tell them the truth. When someone does, it begins to dawn on them, I still have a future and lets go on from here, not yeasterday.

Thanks Mabob. It's about to be 3 years now. Looking back on this story, I can see how things have changed since I wrote it. I love my son more and more each day. The hurt is still there, but it's bareable now. :)

The pain will stay but will change. It has been almost 5 years. The pain is less visceral and more contained inside of me.