Off Hours

I spend 85 to 90% of my time alone. Don't have a beef with anyone. Just a lack of desire. But here I find myself on this site so often. This is socializing, in a way, is'nt it? When I drank, I stayed alone because my mouth gets me in hot water. Now that I'm almost 6 month sober, I keep to myself because I fear that I'll drink because that's all anyone does around here, in Jerry Springerville. I get feed-up with AA meetings and am economically bound to my present situation. Can not say that I am happy, It appears the party is over.

zhafar zhafar
56-60, M
17 Responses Mar 12, 2010

good job on getting sober, some people fight that battle there whole lives and never win.

I admire you for giving up and for posting on here. You could have got a lot of BS over it. Sure we all get mouthy when we're drunk....

Thank you. You are a sweetheart. I've always enjoyed our exchanges.

Early sobriety sucks!!! Congratulations on 6 months!!! Way to go. I am not interested much in AA but still go so my fiance can get some help. We drank a lot when we first got together, both of us alcoholics. AA and God got me sober, but my man is still struggling a bit. He's been sober since the monday before last and I am so proud of him. God the first week is horrible!!!! I don't go out much because of economy,lack of transportation, etc. But truth be told, before I came to this city I spent four wonderful years alone in the country, raising chickens and spending lots of time writing and being with my cats. I don't have a great need to be with people. EP is my speed. A completely non-invasive way of socializing. I hate people dropping by when I say call first, etc. Invasion of privacy is a huge issue with me. Hang in there and I'm praying for you!!!:):)

Please take your time hun its 6 months out of probably 30 years of drinking has anything bad dangerous or out of your control happened in the last 6 months how many happy time were in the previous 30 years you have 30 years ahead of you give it a chance nobody bounds off the bed in the morning to the gym maybe go easy on yourself get out walk abit the money you once spent on the booze spend on few nice things for yourself for a while,try getting the house sorted slowly and begin building bridges with nieces and nephews etc even on facebook say hello join something doing voluteer work once a week any charity shops near you need a hand out somedays sorting thing

I think you lash out at people cause the only way you know how to talk is to criticize. Your parents or whoever raised you probably did that too.

Hey Zhafar, It's me zephyrmr1989, I can understand much about you, & then lots more I don't know about. We have already emailed each other cause we like the wilderness places. I had lots of my cabin, me, & just stuff photos here, but yanked them off, cause I got me feeling hurt a bit maybe. You may or may not have that happen, & it's childish of me, but emotions are very complicated with self, & even more so at time with a girl or wife. <br />
Anyway I think six months is worth being "happy" about when I know being happy isn't easy. As you know I like whiskey at the cabin, & hope I can keep from over doing it. I mentioned my best friend dying in an email to you I think. His name was David & he died 2004 or 5, just dropped dead & think it was his heart. He liked to drink, & we did lots of it when together at times. He was married to this rich girl, in our books anyway, & I liked her very much. They use to do cocaine when it was hot, so we can't know if it had some damage on his heart. The night he died, he had been divorced two or three years. It was one, & it's both true & funny in a way, a rich girl married & divorced for the same reason, or I always say. I honestly loved her, he did too, but he told me he filed. She was a total work-a-holic in the land scape business, a number of states, big business, & was up each morning at 5 am, if not sooner, & home by 7 or later. They had two kids. I had the idea she married him cause he was so laid back, & easy to be around, then I say, true or not, he was too lazy in a way, but again he said it made him made she wasn't home enough. Like they had maids, two, 24 hrs. Anyway he'd come see me, & he loved to fish in my pond, & he bought whiskey by the gallon. Maybe it had to do with him living in a dry county- I'm sure, like not having to drive twenty miles all the time when they bought it. Anyway he love the whiskey, & I always was happy to share it with him. Then he just dropped dead, & I don't know why. OH- I forgot, his grilfriend there at the time, they were playing cards, was or is a nurse, & she got his heart to beat a few times maybe, but he just didn't make it. They didn't, his mom, do an autopsy cause it didn't matter, he was just dead. I'll never forget the morning when his mom called me.<br />
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We, I, him, maybe you sometimes self medicate ourselves cause it's easy. I don't know but maybe you need to go find out if you can, like the lady above I think said, go see if you have depression or something. I myself take a some meds for emotions. It truly helps, & may help get through this on the wagon thing. <br />
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Then there was the same thing you had that I had, & that was not taken long enough to hit someone in the face. Just remember what I had to learn, emotions can over-rule or take reasoning. What helped me was a head doctor pointing out what you/I can see on called Reason and Emotion which I'm looking at now to be sure it's still there on It's a War Time Film made in 1943 you will hear the guy say. It was even nomiated for an Accadimy Award. Anyway it helped me understand "I" was in better need of controlling my emotions. I also rehashed more in the past which is to think about something over and over until it's a pain in the ***. Lot of it was about family.<br />
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Then lastly it may have also be family that got, or gave, you some of your good or bad habits. Such as my real father was dead a week before I was born, & my mother was "something" else, related to emotionally abusive. <br />
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Keep it up, check it out (help out there), & don't give up because I already know you have made better ground than many others before you, & to come into the crazy world. You also have support here I see, people willing to say they will be cheering for you. OH- you use to plant trees you told me, so you might take off for a peaceful walk in a forest, maybe one of those many states you planted trees in just to revisit & see what creations he help make. A tree is a very cool thing for sure. We love em for sure. When I see a very old tree, I like to think of it as a witness to many things that may have taken place below it, or just walked by, & boy if it could only talk, we would all learn more perhaps.

just want to congratulate you on your sobriety *zhafar* thats quite some time to be off the alcohol!! keep it up!!!

i live around others but very much stay to my self, i take care of the 2 that live with me and someday when they are gone <br />
i will move to a big cave i found along time ago and i think my 5th will fit

From the Hermit Tarot card by Eilleen conerly Tarot for the apprentice<br />
Lookk up dear friend and see the light it shines by day,it shines by night.<br />
guidance and help are available but tthe ultimate responcability is yours.<br />
When we cannot see the way to go, trust in god and let him know.<br />
When we are alone it is because we choose to be.

P.s. The mouth will always get you in trouble, can you not help it??

Yea mate, it is socialising here. Better that than drinking! :) Can you not think of other ways to entertain yourself?? What do you enjoy?? It is hard when you have so many other people drinking around you but you are an individual and you can choose to do something else. good luck!!

You are not blocked. Some others (unintaginistic) also said they could'nt leave a message. The problem is with EP. You and I don't have much to discuss. Limbauhsile's are incapabale of discussion. You seem like a wantabe Anne Coulter. I'd prefer not to hear fromm you,, but if you insist. You look bedable, though.

opps i meant so say if we DID go i would hold your hand so tight ..hehe..well cmon it would probably work?? lol

if we lived together we could TOTALLY stay inside if you wanted...(: it doesnt matter to me,im not much of a 'go out' kinda person a homebody...(: and well...if you were with me ide MAKE damn well sure you did not

i dont agree with drinkng!! you can talk to me if you are ever worried!..(:

I think you may be depressed. Can't you get on some medication to help you with this? There is a way through this but you need to help yourself too. Really well done on being sober for so long. Try gardening, it's so relaxing. I had never done gardening til last year. I got roped in to it and thought I'd hate it. I really enjoyed it instead. You don't really think about much when you're weeding. It's so theraputic, it calms me. I don't want to sound preachy but I've been there and you can make it. ((((HUGS))))<br />

I'm sorry but medication is not always the answer to depression. i have never seen anti depressants help anyone I have known and I have known allot of people who have taken it. They all seem numb and spacey. They loose what little interests they did have even there sex drive diminished.

Prozac changed my sister from a full of life, fun loving, person, out going. To a dull, spacey, out of it, no interests suicidal, slow person. Its hurts to even think about how this drug changed her permanently even when she has been off of it for a while. I know you might just be trying to be helpful but it really is not helpful!

You are doing wonderfully well to have stayed off the booze for 6 months.These days it is extremely rare for me to have a beer.I annually spend a couple of days in the Lake District(county cumbria) with a friend and thats the only couple of days in the year i have a drink.