Hi I;m Carly

hi i am carly, i am a heroin addict, i have a really really huge habit and the fact of the matter is i haven't had to pay for my addiction because my boyfriend, now my ex boyfriend, has a lot and gives it to me for free. well he is getting ready to have to turn himself in to prison in a couple of weeks and therefore my free ride will be over and i really want to feel relieved because i hate being strung out so bad, i don't get loaded, it seems like i can't do enuf to...i only muscle dope because i can't find a vein, they are really small and only once in awhile do i get one that way . for the most part as i said i muscle it. that has caused me a lot of problems i used to get abcesses all the time and was sick all the time because just as one would be getting better another one would come but for some reason i don't get them anymore, thank god, but i have to say that because of these abcesses and what happens to you as a result of them (i.e.. scars and muscle and skin damage) i don't look like the pretty girl i used to. I feel so sad that i allowed this to happen to myself because i did know better and i could have said no and i wanted to but seeing how i have an addictive personality...well i didn't say no and now it's been quite a few number of years that i have been addicted. as i said i have a really big habit and i am so afraid of what is going to happen to me when my ex boyfriend isn't around anymore to take care of me, i don't know what to do. i don't have  a job and that's because i am realistic and realize that i would blow the job i had the first time i got sick and now that i am going to have to quit i figure the best thing to do of course would be to wait until i kick, I don't have money for the suboxone or subutex and the methadone clinic is over an hour's drive away here. even tho that was the case i did attempt to do the methadone thing but it was such a joke, they only gave me 30ml of methadone what was that supposed to do for someone with a 2 gram a day habit? on the doctor's side they tell you you can't use heroin while you are on the methadone but on the counseling side they say, they realize that with 30ml i am going to have to use ,  okay, so then what the hell is the purpose of going to get on the methadone? it really pissed me off because i thought i was going to be okay when i sought that help and see my ACCCHS covered the methadone thing. I don't think it covers suboxone or anything like that so it is looking as tho i am going to have to kick this **** all on my own without any help at all and i am scared to ******* death, i know i won't die from withdrawals and generally i am not such a little *****, but i can't tell you how scared i really am and i just wondered if maybe anyone knew of anything like any resources avail in arizona primarily in lake havasu city arizona where i can perhaps get some help coming off this **** without it being so scary. i do have ACCCHS but i have nothing else, like no money, no job or anything to pay for the doctor or suboxone and i don't even know if they have that here anymore, anyway any help you could throw my way would be so appreciated. 
carlyladida carlyladida
3 Responses Jun 21, 2012

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hi i read your story and do feel for you as i have been an addict for 25 yrs due to addictive personality, ive done most drugs you could think of and my fave has to be opiates im now addicted to subutex and we dont put them under our tongue in england like your supposed to we snort them!! they work much better and you only need to break off a mil from an 8ml tablet and that holds you for 24 hrs! i go up and down, one week i might be using 2ml a day and then i go back down to a 1ml for a week ect we get them free on the NHS and alot of people have to have their medication supervised by the chemist and alot of them crush it so you cant conceal it in your mouth and take them away but some of us like me are lucky and get to take our medication home as i dont use other drugs they give me more trust and they also made a mistake and give me a prescription to take home, i was on suboxone but they been giving me subutex and i take it home i get 2 x 8ml tablets a day and pick up a weeks supply in one go thats 14 8ml tablets!! i got so many boxes of these tablets and if you lived local i could help you out so have you thought of getting out of the USA, ive always wanted to come there but cos i got a bad criminal record i dont think im allowed in the country and i always wanted to try the heroin there as we get ours from afghanistan and its bashed so bad and weak but sometimes a good batch will come in and then people start dying and going over as its too strong! i now only use subutex and stay away from hard drugs but i admit i would try the gear over there as it would be worth it! anyway hope you do ok and like i said try snorting them instead and only use about 2ml tops as its strong taking it that way and i know i shouldnt be advising you to abuse medication but when it comes to desparate times you have to use desparate measures and your tablets will last longer this way and when they do run out the withdrawal will be milder trust me ive been there and done it take care x

Hang in there. It sucks but u can do it