hi i am carly, i am a heroin addict, i have a really really huge habit and the fact of the matter is i haven't had to pay for my addiction because my boyfriend, now my ex boyfriend, has a lot and gives it to me for free. well he is getting ready to have to turn himself in to prison in a couple of weeks and therefore my free ride will be over and i really want to feel relieved because i hate being strung out so bad, i don't get loaded, it seems like i can't do enuf to...i only muscle dope because i can't find a vein, they are really small and only once in awhile do i get one that way . for the most part as i said i muscle it. that has caused me a lot of problems i used to get abcesses all the time and was sick all the time because just as one would be getting better another one would come but for some reason i don't get them anymore, thank god, but i have to say that because of these abcesses and what happens to you as a result of them (i.e.. scars and muscle and skin damage) i don't look like the pretty girl i used to. I feel so sad that i allowed this to happen to myself because i did know better and i could have said no and i wanted to but seeing how i have an addictive personality...well i didn't say no and now it's been quite a few number of years that i have been addicted. as i said i have a really big habit and i am so afraid of what is going to happen to me when my ex boyfriend isn't around anymore to take care of me, i don't know what to do. i don't have a job and that's because i am realistic and realize that i would blow the job i had the first time i got sick and now that i am going to have to quit i figure the best thing to do of course would be to wait until i kick, I don't have money for the suboxone or subutex and the methadone clinic is over an hour's drive away here. even tho that was the case i did attempt to do the methadone thing but it was such a joke, they only gave me 30ml of methadone what was that supposed to do for someone with a 2 gram a day habit? on the doctor's side they tell you you can't use heroin while you are on the methadone but on the counseling side they say, they realize that with 30ml i am going to have to use , okay, so then what the hell is the purpose of going to get on the methadone? it really pissed me off because i thought i was going to be okay when i sought that help and see my ACCCHS covered the methadone thing. I don't think it covers suboxone or anything like that so it is looking as tho i am going to have to kick this **** all on my own without any help at all and i am scared to ******* death, i know i won't die from withdrawals and generally i am not such a little *****, but i can't tell you how scared i really am and i just wondered if maybe anyone knew of anything like any resources avail in arizona primarily in lake havasu city arizona where i can perhaps get some help coming off this **** without it being so scary. i do have ACCCHS but i have nothing else, like no money, no job or anything to pay for the doctor or suboxone and i don't even know if they have that here anymore, anyway any help you could throw my way would be so appreciated.