My Sweet Prince (my Heroin Struggle)

I started using drugs at 18. They didn't become a problem until I was 20. By that time, I ascended from marijuana and cocaine into ecstasy and painkillers. When I was 20, a dear friend of mine was killed. She was only 16 and was murdered by meth dealers. They made it look like a suicide. They shot her up with insulin, which paralyzed her, while they hanged her. I was devastated to say the least, because I was waiting for her to turn 17 so we could start a relationship. After that I stopped using ecstasy and started using more cocaine. I went to my first rehab in 2005 in Arizona. They kicked me out after 11 days for missing 3 meetings. I went to a few more rehabs over the next year but nothing stuck.
When I was 22 I started snorting heroin. An old girlfriend I had in high school turned me on to it. I loved it. It kept me high for hours on end. I got a new girlfriend, Eva, and immediately told her about my use. She didn't seem to mind since I didn't inject. By the time I was 23 I was injecting heroin. I remember the first time I did it. I didn't feel a thing. This was probably because I was already high from snorting it earlier that day. The next time I tried it, I felt only a little bit because I had sniffed some earlier. The next day I shot it right after waking up and then I realized why some people do this. It was wonderful and I knew I was hooked. In 2007 I went to Turtle Creek Manor in Dallas, TX and completed a 5 week rehab program. 1 month later, I relapsed. I got re-addicted to heroin and went to 4 or 5 more rehabs over the next 4 years.
I have stolen to get heroin, always from my family. In Waco, TX (where I am from), heroin comes in capsule. Each capsule costs $10. The most I've ever spent on smack at one time was $600. I got 70+ capsules. They were gone in 4 days. Only up to 3 capsules can fit in a 100 unit syringe, one of those days I did 22 caps.
My parents have kicked me out of the house many times because of my addiction. The most recent time was a year and a half ago. I put an ad on the internet and sold my 2000 ford explorer LT SUV with 76k miles on it for only $850. I did this so I could pay for a motel for a week and to buy heroin. My dad took me back after a week and I continued to use.
Back in 2007, I started going to a methadone clinic in an attempt to shake off the withdrawals when I couldn't afford heroin. They started me at 30 mg of liquid methadone. I eventually got all the way up to 180 mg (a very high dose) and I was still using about $80 worth of heroin a day. I failed a lot of the drug tests they gave me, so they warned me that if I failed another one they would kick me out. I decided to taper off the methadone and was down to 150 mg a day. I failed another drug test, so they kicked me out without a proper detox from methadone. The next day I drove to Temple, TX (the closest methadone clinic from Waco). And the denied me because I wasn't sick enough. They told me to come back in 2-3 days when I just couldn't take the sickness anymore. I found that cruel so I never went back. Obviously I now had no choice. I had to keep taking heroin because methadone withdrawals are even worse. I went back to the methadone clinic in 2011 and stayed for only 6 months. They recommended rehab for me and tapered me down to 30 mg.
I went to rehab, for the last time, in Austin TX. I was in detox for 3 days and then left against medical advice because I didn't want to go to the rehab afterwards. I had already been to that rehab before and the last time I left with two other heroin addicts 5 days into the program. So, I knew I would just leave again so why bother? Obviously my parents were pissed and this was right before the selling of my car.
I moved from Waco to Mansfield, TX. I don't know anyone here. I don't have my own car. I can not get heroin here. I am currently on suboxone, which is working well, and I no longer need opiates. I still use heroin on occasion but rarely. Hopefully I will never need it again, but I will use every time an opportunity presents itself. I am not ashamed.
smashguy smashguy
26-30, M
4 Responses Dec 1, 2012

Man detoxing off boy in kileen, any one kno where to score :/

I'm in Waco visiting from St. Louis where can I cop some dope?

I know the feeling. I struggle everyday and these two months of being clean have been an eternity

In 2007 I met a guy addicted to heroin and crack, I got addicted too. It was hard but after 6 months of addiction I managed to get out and get clean only drinking vodka and staying home with fever and the others symptoms of withdrawal. My last addiction is speed, so far I am still using on regular basis without any hope to quit...