Heroin: My Love AffairSix months ago I couldn't even tell you what black tar was. My boyfriend at the time, a serious drug abuser, introduced me to this evil. But it didn't feel evil. As the vapors from the tin foil filled my lungs I instantly developed a new crush. A new relationship was born that would take me away from the one I was already in. Unfortunately, this new love affair was even more damaging.
I ditched the boyfriend and have been going steady with H since then. I used to only need a little to get a euphoric feeling but before you know it I was spending 20 dollars a day to eventually 40 dollars a day on my relationship. I justified and denied my addiction to heroin. I thought it made me a better person. It would help me reflect and deal. I would tell some friends, who I thought wouldn't judge me, about my use with heroin and I'd almost be proud about. Like I was excited to share my addiction in hopes that they would confess that they were also addicted.
The reactions weren't what I expected. Instead of a shared interest, they showed concern. My friends were worried and I felt upset. I wouldn't be told what to do or have anyone worry about me. In fact, their concern intensified my relationship with heroin. It became something I did along. I sat alone in my closet and closed the door only to be alone with the monster.
"I'm not addicted."
"I could stop if I wanted to. I just don't have a reason to."
"I"m young. I'll stop when I'm older."
Justification, lie, lie, lie. That's all I could do at that point. I wasn't ready to face the fact that I developed a severe opiate addiction. It wasn't until tonight that I realized that I have to end my relationship. I've been having abnormal breathing problems. I wake up sounding like Darth Vader. I ignored it but tonight was the worst it's ever been. I woke up in a terror because I couldn't get control of my breath. It felt like I was breathing through a tiny stirring straw and I started to panic. It was the middle of the night and I thought I'd had to rush myself to the ER. I started researching heroin and the effects. I found "Heroin overdoses frequently involve a suppression of respiration." I continued reading other side effects and became terrified.
I was multitasking, jumping from tab to tab and of course facebook was one of the tabs. I was curious what my ex was up to, the one who introduced me to heroin. His most recent post was an address with a date, time, and name followed by the words funeral service. My curiously grew rapidly as I went through the comments with sad emotions and mixed thoughts but what I really wanted to read was the reason of death. Wondering if it was drug related, wondered how well my ex knew him but most of all how this person died! Then there it was... Heroin.