I need help. I have been using Heroin for two years now. It used to be fun but now I am sick everyday and I just want to die. I live in Anniston, Alabama. I cannot afford treatment. Is there anyone out there that can help me. Can anyone relate?
tenths14 tenths14
26-30, F
4 Responses Aug 18, 2014

Listen up. I know you think your going to die. You wont. I remember one of the first rehabs i was in for heroin( i had already done rehab before but that was for crack) and one of the old junkies told me " look at you playing handball after 3 days, every time you detox its going to get harder and longer, so do yourself a favor and stop now kid". I wanted to slap him. You know what? He was spot on. I think of that guy every time im kicking. " Kicking" is a gross exaggeration being that i rarely make it past 24 hrs. I am a huge crybaby when sick. If i could go back in time i would have enjoyed the couple of yrs i used and walked away after that first time i detoxed from heroin. When i started i literally didnt know that dope was addictive. I used for two yrs straight and just thought i was naturally unhealthy and dope just made me.feel better. I know that sounds ridiculous but its true. I didnt know any junkies growing up in upstate ny. It just wasnt available. Fast forward to my late teens and through a stroke of luck ended up working in the fashion biz assisting a famous photographer, moved to manhattan and started doing dope daily.i was living in the lower east side and it was just part of my routine in the morn on my way to the studio. They sold it in the bodega so it wasnt like a huge mission to cop at that point. That came later when giuiani started to clean up nyc. This was the early nineties. Oh how times have changed.I thought junkies were a " type" of person who were just naturally prone to whining and bitching about being sick. It wasnt till a friend flew me out to colarado to sort myself out. Things were starting to fall apart @ work, girlfriend broke up w/ me and i finally learned that a broken heart wasnt just some poetic nonsense. I figured nyc was the prob so a little time off for 2wks would be just the ticket. So of course i brought 4 bundles and flew out there with plans to finally try snowboarding being that i used to be good @ skiing and was a good skateboarder. Fast forward 3-4 days and the dope is gone. Ok no biggie just be strong and be social w/ these college kids. Wow! I really dong feel so hot wtf? PANIC!!!!! This is what dope sick means! Oh my god im gonna die. I cant sleep. im so weak. Wow its really hot in here. Holy **** im so cold. Is it possible that i feel like my bones are broken even though theyre clearly not. My friend who was not a junky worked in a bookstore and gave me two books. Junky by william burroughs and a book about heroin written by some medical proffesionals. However the way they described detoxing was the famous" flu like symptoms" bit. Whovever started that little bit of misinformation needs to be stabbed in the throat! Maybe its just me but ive never had a flu and debating suicide. Anywayyyy... How could i have been so stupid. Now mind you this was the early 90s. There was no getting addicted to pain pills( oxycontin wasnt even around, at least the push by pharma wasnt happening yet) and then making the leap to dope. You just became a junky. If theres one bright side to this whole " heroin crisis" the media keeps ramming down everyones throat is that the stigma has waned a bit. When the football player and the prom queen finally get pinched for shoplifting etc and tell daddy whos a cop, judge doctor, etc that theyre addicted to heroin people start to realise junkies arent the scum of the earth. Although i see alot of scummy **** blamed on their addiction. Except for some stealing ive never done anything violent or hurt anyone( maybe emotionally). So this whole" sorry i murdered that family im a heroin addict" is bullshit. If your a POS who is also an addict those are two seperate things. Sorry ive gotten wayyy off base. Your gonna feel sick, guy. I know it sucks but in a few days or a week tops youll be fine. And for christ sakes DO NOT GET ON METHADONE. Youll never get of it irregardless of what people tell you. If you think dope is hard to kick forget it. Whole different ballgame. Im sorry if ive come off as a know it all. I just thought id mention that.its possible to walk away at this point you lucky bastard. Did i mention ive been using for 25 yrs . Oh the fashion job? Gone the vet-tech job that i was great at later. Gone. My job w/ the FDNY as an EMT. Recently gone. Ive reinvented myself a few times but in the end now matter what im doing or how good i can hide things the junky always wins out. Good luck, pal...

Addiction is a rough process. As someone else said, you could go to the ER and say you're trying to commit suicide. I wouldn't let them give you anything though if you're honestly trying to get clean. Someone else said going on methadone or sub maintenance. I don't suggest that at all. They're handcuffs. If you tried to get off either of those at some point, the withdraw is just as hard. If you're earnestly trying to be clean, be ready for some ups and downs. You will get sick. It's not easy. I'd also suggest finding AA/NA meetings to keep you focused and accountable. They've helped me so much and have saved my life during the past 17 months. Good luck.

It only takes 3 days to kick. Granted it is 3 gut wrenching days of pure hell. I have been on heroin on and off since the early 80's. It is the greatest feeling in the world. no doubt bout that, but once it gets too expensive - you either get on methadome or kick it for 3 days

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