It all started when i was 18 and got my first bf n i was obsessed with him, he was tough n i was getting bullied, but not when he was around!! I looked up to him.
Then he ended up cheating n going to prison in a short time, i was so upset.
When he got out of prison the girl he cheated with killed herself after only months of moving in with him, i was happy she was gone n got back with him, he was now on heroin n i started to smoke it n spent all my savings, then he decided it was time for me to get off it, not him though. I stole some of his n we broke up badly.
I was just fired from my job n knew i only had enough for one day of heroin left, then i met a guy who introduced me to homeless shelters n getting money off the government etc etc n thats when things went don hill quick, living in the city in shelters, just pure heroin lifestyle, then got with a guy i was with n using needles with for 7 years, he in my opinion is a sociopath, hes so scary how he can make people trust him n like him but he is a web of lies n no emotion for anyone who gets hurt cause of him, even me. We have a kid together n ive never lived with him with the child, shes 2 now, n its a battle to stay clean.
I go months thinking that heroin is disgusting n having plans for my life. Then ive periods of depression. Then relapse also.
I just spent 3 days with the ex there using heroin, of course i had to pay for everything for both of us and give him some money too, but when im high i can act all in love n confident n blizz n i dont even wanna go home to my parents to my kid, i wanna keep living that way.
Now im home i feel regret for doing that. N also regret that i get jealous of the goodlooking 18/19 yr old girls my ex gets, cause as im getting older i cant compete with that. But why i suddenly care about that stuff again, i dont know.
quietgirl14 quietgirl14
31-35, F
2 Responses Aug 21, 2014

Just don't give up trying, and you know what they say, relapse is not failure, it's just a step back. Keep working on it and try to stay positive

i get where you're coming from totally, especially when i relapse and find myself making excuses up to my kids grandparents as to why i can't come see my little boy,can they hold on to him a bit longer...when really it's just 'coz i want to stay high for longer,love being in that sleepy noddy state and then guilt kicks me in the face for what i did and i use again to try forget about it. don't think i'll ever get out of this circle...ever! really feel for you